What is the best way to handle this "friends with benefits" situation?

Question

For the past month I've been seeing one of my best friends in a somewhat friends-with-benefits type situation. I've known him for about 6 years, and he is closer to me than anyone else I know (likewise for him with me). We've always shared a close bond (previously like brother and sister), but only recently did he share with me my (but not his) first kiss, and then a few steps further. We both feel comfortable with this setup, and I see it as a learning experience for future relationships.

However, my friends continuously ask me if I have developed feeling for him yet that are stronger than friendship. I thought that it was impossible because of the close bond we shared as friends, but as they continue to question me I feel less secure about my state of being.

What is the best way to handle this situation? It's all so new, and I'd prefer to ask someone who is not biased (as my friends would be).

Answer 1

I have been in a similar situation on two occassions. The first was years ago and we were friends with benefits for about a year and then decided to return to friendship to pursue other relationships. We are friends to this day and have a great understanding of each other. It took a lot of open conversation and a slow withdrawal back to our original relationship. The recent situation still continues although there are other factors (age difference and it began from attraction and not friendship). We still currently struggle with the emotions involved and the situation (he has begun a relationship but doesn't want to end our arrangement).

You may want to explore why you have decided to extend your relationship beyond platonic boundaries. If the reasons are the same and you are open with each other (and remain that way) then this type of set-up can be fulfilling ... but fragile.

Good luck to you both.

Answer 2

This is the thing: you might feel that you are not developing stronger feelings for him, but the more your friends question how you feel, the more you will question your own feelings.  SO you might have been completely confident in how you felt towards him, but then you start to rethink things and your friends thoughts start to infiltrate your own thoughts.         You are the one that is in the situation,  so really you are the only one who would know the best way to handle it.  I know that sucks, I wish I had a magical answer to give to you and it would completely work.  I think that if the situation is fine the way it is, being freinds with benefits, then I would leave it alone.  Whats that saying?..."Dont fix what is not broken.  

But if you start to change how you feel, then by your description you said that you two were very close friends before this started happening, you should be able to sit down and talk to him about how you feel.  If he doesn't feel the same, its ok, dont panic, just remember that he was your friend 1st and that he will always be your friend.  SO if you like how you feel now and you like the situation then be ok with everything being ok.  Does that make sense?  If you dont like it or are having doubts express those feelings to him.  Good luck, have fun!!!!!!!!!

(P.S - I can tell that you are very smart, you speak very well, so Im confident that you know what to do deep down inside; minus all of your friends input/opinions/questions..)

P.P.S - Its natural with these types of situations to start to have stonger feelings for the other person.  Many of my guy friends who have had this situation have told me that it also effects them as well.  As much as guys dont like to admit that sexual relations with a girl affect them, they have told me it does.  Im 22 and my friends are older than me.  SO dont feel weird if you are having stronger feelings for him.  Or if he tries to make you feel bad or wrong for starting to feel differently. )

OK I m done - you'll do fine!

Answer 3

friendship and s*x don't mix

they never have

and never will

one or the other of you will take it more seriously

and you end up getting together

or someone gets hurt

and the friendship ends

you both need to figure out what you're doing

before that happens

ask yourself this

if your "friend" went out on a date and had s*x with someone else

and then dropped by your place after

would you be mad? would you still have s*x with him that night?

would he be mad if you told him you had s*x with someone else too?

talk to him, either get together or stop having s*x

friends with benefits will end up ending your friendship