What is the best way to organize your guest list...?

Question

I've been trying to do a guest list, but I always feel like I am forget someone(s). It also seems like our list just keeps getting bigger and bigger. I wanted 150-175, but now its edging toward 200! How can I trim it, but also make sure that I am not forgetting anyone?

Answer 1

I've got mine on an Excel spreadsheet, and I have all of my guests on one sheet, all of my fiance's guests on a second sheet, and all our mutual friends on a third sheet.  I have separated the guests into three groups- an A list, a B list, and a C list.  A-list guests are our immediate family and close friends- all the people we feel MUST be there.  The B-list is comprised of extended family members, co-workers, and friends from childhood whom we barely see anymore.  The C-list consists of casual acquaintances, neighbors, and friends of the family who haven't seen us in like 5 years.  We're going to send out the invitations to the A-listers first (about 8 weeks prior to the wedding), and then send out the B-list invites about 2 weeks after that, so we can get a good idea of how many "no" RSVPs we're receiving, so we can keep our wedding to only 50-60 guests (the ceremony venue's max capacity).  Then we'll be inviting our C-list to the reception only using a separate, differently worded invitation, about 4 weeks prior to the wedding.  

At first the idea of separating guests into lists based on how close to us they are seemed mean, but I realized it was either that or have a big giant wedding that neither of us wants.  It was never an option for us to not invite significant others of guests, either, because that is the ultimate in rudeness, I think.  Also, I wouldn't hear of inviting a guest who is single and not letting them bring a date, because so much of a wedding involves dancing, and what are the dateless ones supposed to do when all the couples are slow-dancing?  Stare at each other?  How dismal...

To trim your list, you have to be a bit cutthroat- put everyone you haven't seen in over a year (exculding family) in your B-list, to be invited only if some A-listers can't make it.  Also, extended family members, family friends who last saw you when you were in high school, and the doctor who delivered you might have to end up on the B-list as well.

Answer 2

Here's how my fiance and I did it.

1. Family first. All family members should be given the opportunity to attend. Weather there's family problems or not, this way, no one in the family can say that they weren't invited.

2. Close friends. Who have you been friends with the longest OR who do you feel is the closest to you. Try to eliminate people who used to be close to you in the past, but have grown apart since then.

3. Only friends that both you and your spouse know or have met. Nobody new should be at the wedding that your spouse doesn't know about. So, when looking at the quest list and either you or your spouse have to ask "who's that?" eliminate them.

4. Look at the friends you're inviting. Has it been a while since you've seen them? If you haven't seen your friends in a couple of years, chances are they'll come to your wedding, and it'll be another couple of years before you see them again. No need for inviting them.

5. Nobody from work. Keep your personal life and work life separate.

6. Think about the people who you want to share this experience with. Are you just inviting some people because you feel you have to?

7. Send out separate invitations for the ceremony and for the reception. People realize the cost of a wedding reception. (Ours is nearly 60 bucks a head). People will understand if they only get invited to the ceremony and not the reception. If you have a big family, then you could have everyone at the ceremony and then just family for the reception, my fiance and I have seen that done before too.

A couple of other things that I've seen done before is that you split the total and pick from there. So lets say you want 150 people at the wedding. You pick 75 people and your spouse picks 75 people. Another thing is, take the total, subtract the number of family members and do a lottery for your friends. So, lets say you want 150 people. And your family members add up to 100 people. Put all the friends you came up with into a hat and draw out 50 more.

I hope this helps a little bit, at least it's something to consider. I wish you and yours-to-be the best of luck in the future and eternal happiness.  

Answer 3

When I got married, we both took our own families on ourselves. So the groom does his list and the bride does hers.

If you don't want to feed a large number of people you could do what a lot of people do and invite the people you plan to feed by wording it something like "Dinner at 5, reception at 7" and the people who you don't plan to feed (ie: coworkers, friends that aren't very close etc.) "Reception begins at 7."

Answer 4

From my experience there are two really good ways to go about it:

1. if you have a desired guest list of 150 then you get 50 invites, your boyfriend gets 50 invites and each set of parents (after they see your 100) get 25 a piece. Or 75 to you and 75 to your boyfriend. If someone still has leftover invites after inviting their whole list then those invites can go to the person who needs them.

2. Do categories of people you want to invite - your work people, his work people, your friends, his friends, friends you share, your family, his family, neighbors, etc. Start out by including everyone and from there trim it down, this will help you make sure you're not foretting anyone. When trimming it might be helpful to look at your biggest category and start there.  

Even if you chose to do #1, doing #2 along with it is helpful (but it would obviously be just your categories).

Oh,  one of the great things about giving your parents the 25 invites and handing them your list of 100 is that you don't need to feel obligated to put any of their friends or family you really don't want on your list. It is up to your parents to decide at that point who gets added and who doesn't.

Answer 5

Create an A list and a B lsit. A list is people you absolutely HAVE to have (like mother father, sister best friend etc) B list is people you would like to invite if you could have your dream list but don't HAVE the be there.

Go to www.theknot.com and they have a guest list organzier.  You can enter the names, how many people in that party (how many adults and how many kids) and then whether they are A list or B list.

Another way to trim the list: don't allow children to come.  It can be an adult only reception.  These are not uncommon and can sometimes be more fun, (as much as I LOVE kids) not having tow atch your language because of someone else's kid for the evening is GREAT!

Remember, not everyone will accept their invite either. if you invite 200 expect at least 20 to say no.  It's usually about 10% rejection rate for weddings.

Good luck and congrats!

Answer 6

your family, his family, your friends, his friends, mutual friends, and friends of each family if invited... as far as trimming it down, remember you cannot expect 100% attendance. you can count on about 2/3 to be there.

Answer 7

I made an excel spreadsheet.  We had three sections - our side, friends and family (including wedding party), my parents' list, and his parents' list.  Column one was name: last, first.  This will work out well when you go to do the seating chart as they need to be alphabetized.  The second was the address (street), then city/state/zip in another column.  The next was how many were invited.  If it was addressed to Mr& Mrs, this was two.  If it was addressed to Mr & Mrs & family, this included the exact number that "family" entailed.  The last column was left open for their response, how many would be coming.

How did I make the guest list?  I took my mother's side of the family, from my grandmother to all my aunts and uncles and their kids.  I started with my mother's oldest sibling and worked out each family in line.  Same with my father.  Then I added any family friends that I knew would be invited.  Then I gave the list to my parents for their approval.   My MIL just gave me her list.

Once you get your list, complete with everybody and their cousin's best friend's uncle's brother's mother, go through and cut those YOU don't want (remember, this is a list from the parents, some what negotiable) Then pick out anybody you haven't seen in a year.  A wedding is NOT a time to catch up - cut them.

Set a hard and fast rule for who is and who is not invited.  Aunts, uncles, and cousins.  No cousin's kids.  No guests for anybody under the age of "x."  Apparently, the "nobody under the age of ___" is not an option for you, and that's okay.  All "& Guest" must be somebody you can NAME, not list as "guest."  (This one gets tricky - If you don't know Robert Smith's wife's name, it's Mrs Robert Smith.  She's still invited. You DO need to find out the names of the guests that are steady girlfriends/boyfriends and fiances because they should be invited.)  

Finally, just say "no."  Tell your FH to talk to his family.  You're sorry, but their niece's husband's parents and brother simply do not have to be at your wedding.  Same for their other child's spouse's parents.  And the grandmother's sister and her family.  Stick to your guns here.  I was unfortunate and thought just going with the flow would be better.  It stressed me out more than you can imagine and I then I had to meet these people at my wedding.  (Yes, these are the relationships of the people my in-laws invited.)

Answer 8

Make your guest list in sections/tiers. (Like a pyramid).

*Your first list will be the most important: your immediate family. (Mom, Dad, Bro, Sis, daughter, bridal party)

*Second tier is close family and very close friends. (Aunts, uncles, nieces, best friends since age 5, etc.)

*Your third tier can be dwindling. This is where is gets hard. This list will be your friends and distant relatives you would like at your day but it just might not work.

I am getting married in January and I sent my invites out on Monday. Biggest weight lifted ever!! When it comes down to it, you want people at your wedding that you are going to have be a part of your life for a very long time. So don't worry if you feel guilty about not inviting that really nice girl from work that you only ever see during work hours, and you really don't know her that well.

Also, if you are trying to keep it small, don't feel obligated to invite a friend + guest. If they aren't seriously dating someone don't worry about it.

Answer 9

Do it sort of from the inner circle out in two lists, bride's guests & groom's guests.

Code each list according to musts and maybes as far as invites.

Then go back through the list and estimate how many people will actually show up.  Take into account as best you can the circumstances of each guest in terms of distance from the event, how close they are to the bride or groom, how obligated they will feel to attend, their health, etc., and any other factors that might make them a no-show.  In general, you can figure that on 60-70% of the guests you invite will attend, but that can vary according to some of the factors I mentioned above as well as weather, convenience of the ceremony time/place, etc.

If you must trim the list, sit down with the groom & your parents/his parents (if they are hosting/paying) and try to do it as fairly as possible.  For every family you strike from one side, you should cut one from the other side as well, to try and keep things even.  If one family is obviously way bigger than the other, then you just don't expand much past immediate family on that side.

Answer 10

Cut out people you don't know. Period. Unless your parents are helping to pay, they need to axe friends that are business associates, etc. I had to do that with my mom with our guest list (she's in real estate, so she thinks business associates need to be involved with everything). But I told her that she needed  to keep it to 3-5 MAX (she's helping to pay, so I had to let her bring a few, but our venue can only hold so many people (75 max).

Are you inviting people you haven't spoken to in more than a year? Cut them. Unless you've been friends for years and years.

It comes down to just choosing people you're closer with. Don't worry about hurt feelings because someone's feelings will always be hurt, but like you said, you can't let your list become out of control.

If people start to ask why they're not invited, just use the "limited seating" excuse. They can't complain because then it sounds like they weren't the only ones cut, and that it wasn't personal.

Keeping your guest list down is imperative to staying on budget.

EDIT: Chicago Beer Bear makes some excellent points (especially about work people), but you simply cannot invite some to just the ceremony. If anything, it's vice versa (which is silly because it really doesn't save you any money). People who come to the ceremony should be welcomed and fed, not asked to leave right after. Especially since they will most likely give a gift to the couple.

Answer 11

Create an Excel spreadsheet and organize your list into Family, Friends and Family Friends.  Also, I would allow your parents and the grooms parents to take a look at the list to double check if you are forgetting anyone.  Really look at your list and don't feel obligated to include everyone that had invited you to their wedding.  And if anyone has a ? by their name take them off.  Weddings are so expensive and people understand that the bride and groom may not be able to include all of their friends.  Family comes first.

Answer 12

I loaded my guest list into Excel and sent it to my husband & each of our mothers so they could review it and see if they caught anyone I missed.