What is the best way to punish my 19 year old (dependant) son for lying to me?

Question

My son is a sophomore in college, and is home on summer break. I do pay all of his bills. He has a summer job, but spends his money as he wishes. He doesn't have to pay any of his true expenses and does not have to work during the school year. I have always been very easy on him and we have always had a very open relationship. He has no reason to lie to me, and he knows that is a big deal to me. He lied about where he was, when I questioned him about where he was. I'm very upset because he knows that he doesn't have to lie to me!

Answer 1

depends on how bad the lie really was and how understanding you are about it. Since he's 19 let him know that he lives in your house under your rules until he moves out. also let him be aware that you provide him with shelter, food, a place to stay, and let him know he has freedom still but to an extent.

Answer 2

he's 19 and dependant and lying to you...  kick him out!

but i guess to give you an honest opinion i would need more details.  19 is an adult - dependant is probably only used while he's in school/college -

I went away to college and spent ONE summer home with my parents.  Only one, because I got so used to the freedom of being on my own that it was hard to go back to mom and dad's rules - not that they had all too many rules for me, but I just didn't like having to always account for where I was...  

You said that he knows he doesn't have to lie to you - that's evidently untrue because he did lie to you.  I'm sure you're more upset about THAT he lied, not WHAT he lied about - so if you talk with him and assure him that you only want to know these things for his safety and not because you want to keep a hold on him or nag him or determine what he does as he's now an adult and learning to make his own responsible decisions without your help - maybe the talk will be good for both of you.  After all, you raised him, you know if he's good to make his own decisions. :)

Answer 3

I agree with the first answer since he's not legally a child then why should you deal with him if he feels he needs to lie to you. this may sound harsh but if you are being to easy on him he may need a wake up call.

Answer 4

Well, you could always kick him out.  I mean he is an adult and if you're in a situation where he feels he needs to lie to you, then maybe it's not going so great.

Answer 5

Kick him out if it was a horrible thing that he lied to you about.

Answer 6

do you pay his phone bills? ... dont

do you pay his car insurance? ... dont

do you pay for his car? or does he use yours? ... not any more

Its that simple, when a child lies to you, no matter how old; you have the authority to take gifts away. When your son can again be responsible, you may instill those blessings upon him.

Unless the lie was absolutely horrible, I would NOT kick him out of the house....I mean:

parent- how many twinkies did you eat?

son- 2,

parent: whatever, I know you ate 4

that is NOT a scenario worth kicking out!

Best of luck.

let him know- if he wants to be treated like an adult, he best start acting like one!

Answer 7

I think it depends what he lied about but because he is over 18 there isn't really anything you can do. It's not like you can ground him or anything.

Answer 8

Take away some privileges.  depending o how bad the lie was, the privilege can be a big one or a small one.

Obviously, you can not trust him as well as you thought you could, so taking away some privileges in a good way to handle it.  Until he can earn back trust, he needs to be treated  differently.

Age shouldn't matter if the child is still living at home while mom and dad pay his way when it comes to answering to his parents and being truthful and trustworthy. everyone should be respectful and truthful with their authority.  Int his case, his parents..  This is still a child were talking about, not a totally independent adult.

Answer 9

Tell him that you don't trust him anymore and that if he wants to earn back your trust then he is going to have to work hard for it. By the way, you need to seriously think about paying his bills etc. If he has a job then he should at least pay you something. Ask yourself, how long will you want, or be able to, give him everything he wants?

Answer 10

What did he lie about? he's away in college not living with you, what did he do? id he go somewhere you didn't want him to go? I mean he's 19!!!

Answer 11

That's one that I ponder frequently (I have an 18 year old).  It probably will depend on how much freedom your son has already, but, I would say losing priveleges of some sort, maybe something related to the lie.  Like, if he uses your car to get around, but lied about where he took your car, maybe revoke the car priveleges for a period of time.  I hope that helps to give you some ideas, good luck!