What is the best way to raise a kid when the father is not around?

Question

I am 16 and I had no dad around growing up. I held a lot of anger and resentment toward my dad. My mom left him because of his crack and alcohol addiction and has no intention on being a dad. My mom worked almost every day and we still struggled to make it. I am so scared that when I get older and have kids that my husband/ boyfriend, will do the same. What is the best way to raise a kid when the father is not around? Any advice or tips if it does happen to me later on in life? Thanks.

Answer 1

welcome to the real world...don't feel bad its normal to grow up without a dad...I grew up without a mom and a dad and i'm fine

Answer 2

Don't be scared. all men aren't alike, hun. What happened to you was bad, but you can't let it ruin your future. You have years to worry about this. You can't let the past ruin your future. Just make sure that when the time comes and  your ready for kids, you have the person you want to be with and have kids with. Take some time with whoever that may be before you decide.

but if it does happen in the future, just be the best mom you can, and don't go out looking for a substitute father. I've seen way too many moms try to do this and it doesn't turn out good all the time. Just be a good mom and that will count for alot.

Answer 3

dont feel bad

my dad  left my mom and then came back like seven times!

i think the mom should always get the child

and no

i dont think the dad has too be around!

he might put bad inluence on the child!

Answer 4

girl i feel ya i been through it all. and you know there is no right or wrong way if you show them all you wish you would of seen when you were growing up you wil be ok.

Answer 5

Unfortunately, you should be able to get plenty of first hand advice.

Answer 6

"I am so scared that when I get older and have kids that my husband/ boyfriend, will do the same."

Then don't hook-up with a druggie or bum.  You will know the type of man who will stay with you when you meet one, don't settle for less (and don't get preg before finishing college).

Answer 7

Well you don't seem to be a bad person, without a Dad you are fine. Maybe growing up this way will help you make better choices in men when you remember back on what your mom did. Good luck!

Answer 8

MY MOM Had to Do this Wit Two Kids there is no right or wrong way to raise kid it basic how Ur parents had been rasie then the raise u that way and it could be for the best sometimes so i mean let it go i have try everthing to contact my dad but it seem he does not care so jus move on and if u feel u need reserach him

Answer 9

get some counseling for your anger issues, so that you can move forwards in your life.

Answer 10

Every kid needs a good male influence. If not from the dad, then some other family member? An older cousin? Or a local church youth group? Those tend to have some good adults that are interested in the lives of kids. Get them involved in some sports. Again, some good adults, mostly males there too. The truth is, a child needs the attention of the mother and father. I think all of us know there tend to be negative side-effects when the father is not around to teach, encourage, love on a kid.

Answer 11

You have taken the first step in in question. This is the best step, asking for support in knowing.

Not all men are like your dad, but I hear that you fear that you may follow in that path.

If you lean about healthy relationships, and to see the signs so to break the cycle You will not have to worry about having a child with a deadbeat dad.

Answer 12

Just make sure you choose wisely your partners in life. Dont choose a boyfriend/husband who isnt responsible, drug free and stable. Lots of kids are raised without fathers and even mothers and they turn into awesome responsible adults who contribute positively to society. Also many other males in the moms life can be a male role model such as her brother, uncles, her dad and good friends. Im sorry you went thru this. Just make sure you are very careful in who you decide to be with. The choice is up to you. Nobody else. So choose carefully.