What is the best way to respond when your fiance talks about his past.....

Question

Salam to everyone i hope everyone is doing well. What is the best way to respond when your soon to be husband talks about how much girls liked him and still do im not the jealous type but i just laugh and try to talk about something else but he seems to say it a lot what is the best why or best thing to say when these things come up?

Answer 1

I would ask him why he does this, if he can;t be honest with you then...well he is just a man liek any normal man that can;t express his true feelings, but I think he is trying to make you jelous because liek any male who is now tied down to one women (you) he wants to feel that even though you are not jelous that you are and maybe he is the jelous type, who knows thats why I would hope he would be honest with you so you can get tot he bottom of the reason for his behavior.

Answer 2

It sounds like he's really insecure about himself if he needs to talk about how many girls liked him in the past.  Maybe you should just assure him that you like him, and politely let him know that you don't like talking about the past.  Or maybe mention that you feel you're being compared to other girls, and it makes you uncomfortable because you want to be the only one he thinks about.

Answer 3

i think the best way to start any relationship is to never look into the past at all. the past must be as confidential as the black boxes of 911.

just tell him simply, i am not interested to hear these stories, and there is no way that they will bring any good to your relationship together.

you might why he does it. there are few reasons:

he can be so frank, and tell him to not be so about the past

he can be trying to get you jealous

or it can be just a show off  

Answer 4

start talking about the guys that liked you in the past, lol, and see how he feels about it.

just tell him, if hes soon to be your husband, you should learn how to talk to him. just tell him, whats the worst he will do.

Answer 5

Salaam!

Let him know that this bothers you, and you would really rather he not talk about that. This is only common courtesy, and he should be more than willing to extend it to you. He may not know it has bothered you, so you owe it to him to communicate clearly. Good luck!

Answer 6

Just tell him about all the men you've had (even if you haven't), and how has to really work to measure up.

Answer 7

He may be feeling a little taken for granted, you need to remind him that you find him attractive as well. Many guys have a low self esteem and need constant reminders about how great they are, exaggeration doesn't hurt. If he is to be your husband you'll want to be his greatest admirer it only helps your relationship. Good luck

Answer 8

thats really messed up for him to do that.

next time he mentions it say "

looky here buddy, if you are clinging on to your past still by the time we get married, i will be a thing of your past becuase we will have no future."

stand up for yourself girl.

Answer 9

Don't play games.

If you want to know why he brings it up, say" why do you bring it up?

There is a pay-off somewhere-for him to be "bragging" or trying to make you jealous, or getting cold feet to get married or something.

And for you? The pay-off is the think that if you ignore something, it wil go away. IT DOES NOT. It grows.

Start ourt your engagement, asking for what you want, asking him why he does what he does, ask him what is the point?

LISTEN to the answers.

Try to HEAR what he is trying to tell you. Ask until you understand.

Not a good idea to marry someone who tries to make you jealous, who is childish, egotistical or has to have a flock of admirers to feel like a man.

He is not talking about his past. He is bringing his past into his present and future. Why?

Try using sentences, since it makes reading so much easier.

Answer 10

I had the same problem with my fiancee. He would not talk about other girls to intentionally hurt me, but it bothered me. Men are not that complicated, you just have to be straight with him and if he is a good guy, he will respect your wishes.

So one day after he mentioned a girl, I just told him straight out: "Hon, I realize that you had a past before me with other people. But I would appreciate it if you would leave those people in your past and stop bringing them into your present with me. I know you wouldnt like it if I kept bringing up other men, so please respect my feelings the way I respect yours."

After that, its like Im the only girl hes ever been with. He was totally understanding and apologized.

Answer 11

Let him better say La ilaha ill Allaah.

I must say, if girls are in love with him, than he does some things that are unislamic, i would say...  

Answer 12

tell him how you feel and to drop the subject because its pretty old and obviously you are not interested in it

Answer 13

Tell him the women sound like wonderful people and suggest that he give you their phone numbers so you can call and get them all together for a party. He'll stop then.

Answer 14

I agree with Startlet...Let him know how you feel and that it bothers you, even if you aren't the jealous type, if you feel uncomfortable let him know. He will surely understand and respect you for being honest with him.

Good luck! :)

Answer 15

No offense but he sounds like a conceited idiot, I mean why would you wanna tell your wifey-to-be all that kinda stuff? Tell him the past is the past, get over it, he belongs to you now, and if he's having problems dealing with that then he needs to go.

Answer 16

Start talking about ur past.. like how many guys u dated, what you guys did together etc, i am sure he will shut his mouth.

Answer 17

Tell him that you will be fully supportive if he decides to take a 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife.

HAHAH JK...Honestly, tell him he has a great personality and you're glad that you TWO will be married insha'Allah to spend your lives together (did I mention just the TWO of you?? LOL). Then hug him and tell him that there's a reason Allah made you meet (ok, forget the hug!).

Anyway, he's probably just a little insecure and wants you to know that ppl liked him and he is a good "catch." He might be thinking that you're having second thoughts and he is subliminally trying to ward them off (even if you're not).

Congrats! Insha'Allah your marriage will be splendid and blessed.

Masalams.

Answer 18

Tell him that his past relations with women is something you don't wish to hear about. Ask him to respect you by not talking about that. .  

Answer 19

Tell him that bragging is not very becoming to him, and it makes you less attracted to him.