What is the chance of a child hating his/her natural mother?

Question

If the mother keeps the child. Is there a possibility that the child will not agree with his living conditions?

I'm not talking about l five years down the line. I'm thinking of something like 15-20 yrs down the line.

What's the chance that s/he will hate his family dysfuctionality, poor education, poor living condition and lack of opportunity? Will s/he blame his/her mother?

Or maybe for some other reason hates his/her mother?

I know at least one person who hates his natural mother because she mentally abuses him (no mother, natural or adoptive, should ever do that).

Answer 1

Dear Mercy~

I have read all your questions & have much to say, my friend. First, do NOT let ANY ONE tell you what to do with YOUR BODY or YOUR CHILD. It is YOUR decision to make. Your BF, sadly, is at this moment betraying your love for him. Tell yourself what you would tell your best friend in the same situation. Take care of yourself. Love yourself.  He may not be in your future no matter what you decide. Do not betray your own values. Because ultimately, we are what we value. And when we go against our values, we are most unhappy.  Do not allow him to bully you into an abortion.  Most of all, DO NOT ABANDON YOURSELF!

In CA, Medical will cover the cost of your child's birth & medical care. Your child will be a US citizen, therefore eligible for many benefits - food stamps, housing assistance, etc.

I had my daughter 6 weeks after my 17th birthday. In this country, being a single mother & having a child that is "illegitimate" is not the stigma it was decades ago. I understand that it is in your home country.  I can not answer that question for you. That is something you need to look into your own heart & talk to your family about.  Perhaps you can stay in the US?

No one knows what their future holds. Therefore you can't be sure that you won't be able to provide well for your child in 5 years. I was pretty darn poor the first few years of my daughters life. She has no memory of that time, thankfully. I graduated college, got a good job, purchased a home as a single mom. In the US, everyone gets an education & has the same opportunity to excel. Some have more, some less. Some never take advantage.

Did my daughter agree with her living conditions at 13? Being a typical American teenager, she did not. Her best friend shared a room with 3 sisters. My daughter had her own room with a TV & stereo. Yet she said to me, "Your the one who wants to live in a a nice house, in a good neighborhood" as if that were something bad.  

All a child really needs is LOVE, unconditional love from a parent. No matter what country a child lives in. Unless you're talking about extreme poverty. But then, you were able to come to this country & attend college...?

Sadly, adoption does not guarantee a child a loving home free from abuse. (I was abused, physically & verbally, by my adoptive mom.) It is the 'ideal' of adoption, but not necessarily the reality. If you relinquish your child & return to your native country, even with open adoption, you won't have the opportunity to see your child.

If, however, you do decide on adoption, you can choose the couple who will parent your child.  Be sure to read birth mothers' stories about relinquishing a child. Get support during this difficult time.  

Check out this link:

http://www.birthmothers.info/

Feel free to e-mail me!  Best wishes, my friend.

PS My daughter is now grown & a mom herself. We have a close, loving relationship & she encourages/nurtures my relationship with my granddaughter & grandson. She had a mom who grew up in a very dysfunctional family (me). Yet, we survived...and are thriving.

Answer 2

Sure ... plenty of people have combative relationships with their parents, for any number of reasons.

I have a friend who grew up in an extremely conservative Southern Baptist household.  She's a happy, well-adjusted  successful professional adult.  And a L*****n.  Let's just say that Thanksgiving is tense.

But on balance, I think most parents do their best and most kids eventually manage to understand, if not forgive, their choices and struggles.

After all, we grow up and have kids of our own, and realize how very challenging it can be.

Answer 3

I can honestly say that for about 16 years I blamed my mother and father for my being who I was. I didn't understand how my mom could do the things she did if she loved me. It took a long time, but I realised that most of what she did, had NOTHING to do with what kind of kid I was. It was mostly driven by alcohol.

When I started taking accountability for my own life, I was then able to forgive her. The more I healed, the more able I was to perserver. And knowing that I did it on my own, makes it that much greater. I'm always going to have "what if's" but that's as far as it gets.

Just the other day I wrote this for my myspace bulletins:

You are my hero

You are my all

You are my security

I trust you

I need you

I want to make you proud

I want to be proud of you

You are my advocate

You show me how to parent

I watch your every move

I will try to be like you

I will defend your actions

You will mess up

I will forgive you

You will shape me into the person I will be.....

You are my mommy

and my dad responed with:

"Sorry, I only hit about half of 'em as a parent."

He has my forgiveness.

Answer 4

i don,t think a child would hold any of this against you,if you did your best to take care of them and try to help them get a good education.there is help for poor situations

Answer 5

A child would not hate her natural mother over poor education, poor living conditions and a dysfunctional family.

For all of you who doesn't believe that someone can hate their parents, I'm right here!

I was beaten almost daily, told i was a worthless piece of c**p, sexually abused by my father, and i can't counted the number of times he tried to kill me.  What did my mother do nothing!  

I might have loved my mother had she left my father.  Not once did she stand up for me.  I was not valued or loved.  I prayed that my parents would die so i could be adopted. And yes i did pray to be adopted a lot!  I just wanted the pain to stop.

Once i held my first daughter in my arms.  I saw how innocent she was.  She was a treasure.  How could anyone hurt a child?  I lost all respect for them.  Never will they be in my life and Never will i speak to those people again.  It has been 10 years now and i am so much happier being free from them.

I have had years of counseling to help me thru this and i probably will be in counseling for the rest of my life.  I'm fine with that.  I have a wonderful husband and I've been blessed with 5 amazing girls. Life is such a blessing now.

Yes, a child could hate their natural parents but not over trival material things.  If abuse is involved leave and be a poor single mother that loves her child and your child will respect and love you.  I would have given anything as a child for a hug or anyone to tell me they loved me.  

I just wanted to prove my point that hating natural parents is a reality that some of us deal with. I don't need anyones pity.  Those were cards i was dealt.  It sucked but its over now.  I had to go thru that to be the person i am today and now i love who i am.

Answer 6

maybe they would, especially in cases of abuse. I use to hate my natural mother for her life choices. i mean living  a life for drugs and men was better than raising her baby? but i soon realized the decision she made was her's alone, so i no longer hate her, nor do i love her. I'm very thankful that she chose adoption for me, and i can respect her for that decision now.

Answer 7

If a person is a bad mother (natural or adoptive) the kid will likely resent them.  If the mother does a good job of self-sacrifice and treat the children with respect there shoudl not be a problem.

Poverty is not a reason to hate your parents, as many children are brought up in poor situations.  MEntally abuse can occur in any income bracket.

Answer 8

I grew up in a very poor home and parents who made very bad decisions, but have a great relationship and love them very much. I can't go one day without talking to my mom.  They wish they had made different choices, but can't change the past.  I learned alot about what not to do.

My husband on the other hand had lots of material things great college choices and does not hate his mom.  

If you truely love your kids they will love you back.  If you truely love your kids you will not abuse them in any way.

Answer 9

There's a good chance that at some point (probably teenage years) our children will not agree with one or both parents, maybe even for several years.  Yes, maybe even hate them  or think they do.  This can happen in the best of living conditions.  If you WANTto keep the baby and CAN DO IT, even if it's a struggle, the pros will outway the cons.  You may want to read The Primal Wound if you have several options.  Children usually love their parents no matter what - oddly enough, even those who have been abusive.  If you have lots of love to give and can meet their basic needs you will both be more than fine.

Answer 10

I have to respond to ask how you can even ask this question, it sounds like you are meddling in someone elses affairs and looking for points to win a argument over an issue that is between the child and mother.

There are plenty of natural mother's and natural father's in the world that have suffered the pain of a child that has been told "tales" and thinks that they know a situation. No one has the right to influence a child in such a way, nor do they have a right to judge a natural mother, or to stick their nose into a bond that exists between a mother and child.

It might not be so, and to judge is to place yourself in a superior position...get real!

Answer 11

Parents always get the blame, don't they.  It comes with the territory

Besides, the things  you describe aren't exclusively restricted to natural families.  They occur in adopted familes too.

Answer 12

What are the chances a child born biologically into any family as a teenager will be disatisfied with their family and parents?  Being adopted doesn't make you more vulnerable to that. It's called being a teenager.

Answer 13

I don' t know, it's really impossible to answer this question.

I guess I have never seen someone say they wish they had been given up for adoption because they lacked material possessions; it's only when they have parents who are abusive, not there for the kids emotionally, etc. when I have heard people say that.

I have only seen people have the utmost respect for their parents who have struggled through but worked their hardest to provide for their kids (yet were always supportive, nurturing and loving parents while doing so).

This has been my personal experience; it's not money and material possessions that matter; it's being giving of yourself as a mom and as a person that matters most.

Answer 14

All kids hate their parents at one stage or another.  I'm not adopted and I had a terrible time with my teenage years and hating my mother.  It wasn't until I was engaged to be married that we started having a relationship again.  Now we're best of friends.

Is there a chance that a child would hate his parent?  Yes, but that is regardless of whether or not they are adopted.  : )

Answer 15

If she is a bad mother the chances are pretty good they will not have any respect for her and possibly hate her if she is abusive in any way.

Answer 16

I had all the things you describe in my home, dysfunction, poorly educated parents, and lack of money and opportunity--and I was ADOPTED!

There are no guarantees in adoption!

Your child needs YOU more than anything!

Please check out these sites for support:

http://www.origins-usa.org

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.com

Adoption Crossroads has supportive nightly chats for adoptees and first mothers, and would be supportive to your situation.

You are not alone.  Best of luck.

Answer 17

There is probably something else.  I am poor but I love my daughters very very much.  Something happened that only those two can explain.

Answer 18

Hi There!

I'm and Brittany and I share this answers login with my Boyfriend Andy. Andy was adopted when he was younger along with his brother who is one year older, they both lost respect for their natural or 'birth mother' a long time ago... I think it is different experiences, but here is his story...

Andy has a little sister one year and five days younger then him, she was also put up for adoption, his mother was given a choice, to either keep the baby or keep the babies father (who was a child malester) she cose to keep him and right at birth the baby was taken away, a few weeks later, he left her... our conclusion he was waiting for the baby to be born so he could 'have' her... he knows where his mother lives and wants to go and see her some day to show her what she gave up... the chance of a baby hating thier birth mother is 90% or more... only because the child does not know why his/her mother left them...

hope that helped

:) B+A

Answer 19

The only way i would hate my parents is if they never loved me, cared for me, clothed me, fed me or anything. But they do all that so i love them a lot.

I think the child would be like me.

Answer 20

yes i do think its possible.

Answer 21

I think everyone hates their mother at some point in their life.  It's called growing up and wanting to be independent.  We all try to resolve that in our minds and if we are healthy mentally we are able to do that and forgive them for their shortcomings. (and everyone have their faults)

Answer 22

Absolutely zero. There's no child in the world that wishes they'd been given away by their parents to rich strangers. The very idea is preposterous. They might wish their parents had been more mature or smarter or worked harder, but no one wishes they'd never been raised by them at all.

Answer 23

Your asking if the child will hate his natural parents because of poor living conditions or mental abuse, etc?  Why would the child know any different?  He wouldn't know any different unless the natural mother confided that she had thoughts of putting him/her up for adoption when they were a baby.  That would be mental abuse in itself.

Answer 24

Are you seriously expecting this actually has an answer?