What is the consequence for lying in your household......?

Question

My 5 year old cut the straps off of her new swimsuit this morning, and when i discovered it and asked her she lied and said she did not. She's the only one here besides her dad and I so we knew it was her. I sent her to her room for lying, the straps can easily be sewn back on, I gave her three attempts to tell me the truth and she continued to lie, so I canceled out trip to the "big park" today as a consequence. She is also not allowed out of her room until she tells me the truth. Does that sound reasonable?

Answer 1

At this age the moral compass is not set so it needs to be fine tuned by the parental figure.  

I see you have gone with the Aunt in Saki's 'The Lumber Room' method, that is not a positive reaction but a negation; i.e. you do not add something (like a smack) you delete something (like a treat).

Not condoning physical violence and believing that all children are inherently innocent (in the Rousseau sense rather than the not being guilt or not being out for themselves sense) I think you did the right thing.

Answer 2

thats definetly reasonable for a 5 yr old

Answer 3

It sounds reasonable as long as her room isn't an entertainment center.  If all of her toys and movies are in there, it isn't much of a punishment.  You could also make her do extra chores.  Sitting and thinking about the bad action isn't always enough...

I agree that you should have canceled the trip today.

If you make the first time have a very big consequence and stick to it, she will most likely not do it as often in the future.  A weak punishment won't deter her from doing it again.

Answer 4

Absolutely, when my 3 yr old lies, I put her in the corner in her room.  I check on her every so often and eventually she will come out and tell me the truth.  I also put all of her toys in her closet (which is easy because she also has to keep her toys put in their bins) and I lock the closet door.  It usually doesn't take her long to come tell me the truth.  Good Luck!!

Answer 5

Honestly, I think you should stop at canceling the trip to the "big park".  There's no need to bully the truth out of her when it is obvious she did it.  She's only 5 years old, and though lying is wrong and there needs to be repurcussions for doing it, this is something that all kids do.  You have to be careful about going overboard on the punishment, as it will backfire.  Instead of training them to tell the truth, it tears down their self-esteem, and scares them into lying about more things.

Answer 6

yes and no.... I probably would have spanked her and sat her in time out. Sending her to her room may not really be any punishment if thats where she has some toys. Lying is unacceptable but I definately would have cancelled the trip to the park. Naughty girls dont get to go fun places. Just me and my way. Everyone/child is different...

Answer 7

i think it depends on if she knows the difference between lying and telling you the truth.  my 6 year old doesn't know the difference, i can ask him if he brushed his teeth, and he will say yes i did and if i go in and check his toothbrush its dry. so i make him go in and brush his teeth again.

for cutting off the straps i think i would go in sit down with her, and ask her again, not yelling, just ask her if she cut the straps and why she cut them.  maybe she wanted a strapless. but i think sending her to her room isn't a punishment since all of her toys and what not are in there. i would make her sit with you while you sew the straps back on, and make sure all of the sissors are put away and she can't get them.

time outs should only be a minute for every year of her age (5 minutes for her) 5 year olds don't have the memory to remember a hour later about why she is in trouble. take the swim suit in her room sit on her bed and ask her what happen to the straps and see she will tell you what happened to them

Answer 8

Sounds great. You have to remain calm and stress how important it is for your child to tell the truth. If you can gain their attention in this manner, not so much as "you are in trouble for lying", you will get through to them. Once they realize if they tell the truth the punishment will be less severe. I probably would have put the park trip back in if she came to me within a reasonable time and told me the truth.

Answer 9

Of course it's reasonable, you have to teach honestly in some way.

Answer 10

I think it's totally reasonable!  Good job, mom! :)

Answer 11

If my son lies I take away his TV time. Thats where it hurts him the most. Because you can't play video games on an off TV.

I think what you did was resonable, and a good idea. You need to nip it in the bud now while you can!

Answer 12

I think that sounds totally reasonable.

Answer 13

My four year old daughter cut her hair and lied to me about it.

I made sure I separated the punishments. I told her that if she wanted a hair cut she should just tell us so that we can make the appointment and the hair stylist can do it right and make it look nice. I just moved the scissors where she couldn't get to them.

For the lying, I put her in timeout. At our house thats put your nose in the corner and stand there quietly. Every 2 or three minutes I asked her if she wanted to tell me the truth yet. After 2 or 3 times she finally relented and told me she had cut her hair. I told her how proud I was that she could tell me the truth and that lying is very bad manners because Mommy and Daddy need to know the truth so that we can make the right decisions.

I told her that if she lies, she'll be in more trouble than if she tells the truth. If I catch her lying, I tell her it makes me sad and that telling the truth makes me proud. Then I put her in the max time-out which for us is one minute for every year of her age. For lying I add on an extra minute or two up to six minutes.

We have a chart with Sunny for good, Cloudy for a little bad and Rainy more than one bad thing. Every day starts out Sunny.  If she has a Rainy day, no junk food. No cartoons and no book at night. Just dinner bath and bed. Otherwise its like a normal night.

This has worked really well. I was totally surprised at how much it improved her behavior.

Good luck.

Answer 14

Sounds reasonable to me.

I have to disagree with the woman who said that she would spank her kid over that. I don't think that this set of circumstances warrants a spanking.

Time out & loss of privelages should be sufficient. Discuss lying & consequences with her.

If it were me, I'd want to know why she cut the straps off of it in the first place...

I would also demand an appology and try for another confession after time out.