What is the deal with being FIRST?

Question

I am a big proponent of kids working out differences. I encourage these problem solving skills among my kids and try not to be the referee. I also have read a bit about siblings and rivalry and know it cannot be eliminated. But still the situations continue....

My older 2, ages 8 and 4 get along uncommonly well, I think, most of the time. But there is a whole ongoing conflict with being 'first'. Who is first to claim the seat at the table, who is first to get in the car, who is first to pick what it is they are playing, who picks the tv show first. etc. I try to let them work it out but it is frustrating to deal with every single day. I hate deciding who goes first. Of course, when it is time for a shower or time to pick up their rooms they are more than willing to offer up each other to go 'first'.

I know it isn't a huge problem and I am so fortunate to have this as an 'issue'. But since Yahoo Answers is for gaining input, I am curious if others have observed this phenom in their kids and what has worked or not worked. Thanks very much for any input.

Answer 1

My kids are 7 & 9 and also get along very well, but trust me I get sick of this as well. They "call it first". What we do is make a list of things and then under that we rotate the first letter of their name. I get sick of listenting to it and sick of picking. So when they have a turn the intial gets marked off the list. We just state TV etc. and go down the page from there, you can actually fit a lot on one piece of paper LOL We have it hanging from a magnet on the side of our microwave. It saves a lot of hassle.

Answer 2

Everyone likes to be the first...d**n who wants to be the last anyways. may be when we die? i want to be the last to die for sure. and about the rivalry thing...let me tell you this. There are "ONLY" 3 types of emotions we feel toward others around us. Ready?

1) If someone is definitely better/richer/sexier than us we hate them.

2) If someone is as good as we are, we feel rivalry/jealousy toward them.

3) if someone definitely sucks then we pity them.

Surprising? no i dont think so.

How to deal with that ongoing wanna be first?

you cant do anything about it? Let me ask you this dont you want to be the first of everything (of course except from dying)? Dont you want to be on top of everyone else? thats just human nature to just want more attention/acknowledgement from everyone around them.

Answer 3

Kids often see being first as being the best. Look at the olympics, the first one done is the winner. The first one finished on the board game. The first one in line gets the first snack. The first one to the car gets the front seat. We have the same problem at the preschool. You should start trying to make them more equal. Make them take turns being sitting in the front of the car. For a group of kids, to make a line we say things like, who ever is wearing blue socks, who ever has a birthdayin July, etc.

With picking stuff out, you should always make them take turns. Even if the other kid doesnt like the movie, each child should have an imput. And it will stop alot of fighting if you just say, Sally, its Cindys turn to pick today. There. Done. Tomorrow, (or next time) you can pick the movie. They might groan for the first couple minutes, but once they get into the routine of taking turns it will make it easier.

Answer 4

I think this is a problem that every parent of more than one has to deal with.  I've seen it with my own kids and because I work in a school, I see it there too.  At school they want to be first to answer the question, first to finish the work, first to get in the lineup and on and on and on!  It seems to stop when they get to be about 9 or 10.

At home, I try to keep a mental not about who went first last time and if they can't settle it, then I pick the one who didn't get to last time.  Sometimes I get frustrated and tell them that because they can't decide, nobody goes first and we don't do the activity.  That works occasionally.  There are other times that I tell them if they can't decide then I will, and they know that I will pick something that neither of them will like!  That can work too.

It may take some time, but they will grow out of it.

Answer 5

I think every kid is like that. We did an odd/even system. The oldest child was the "odd days" and the younger on was the "even days." So on the 1st, 3rd, 5th,...31st day of every month the oldest got to go first/pick game/sit in desired seat, etc and on the 2nd, 4th, 6th, 30th day of the month the even day kid got to. It worked out well and really without argument. You just know your day and that is that.  

Answer 6

this is very common. we came up with a system and had the kids write it on a chart. we listed all of our daily activities and let them take turns deciding whick actitiviy they wanted to chose first on certain days. it worked well because when there was conflict i would send them back to the chart and that would solve the problem. the two oldest are 17 and 15 now and they really dont care much about going first, in fact they wait for the little one who is 7 and usually let her choose.

Answer 7

It's being the alpha male. Every male is programmed like monkeys to think he's the alpha male so he's the one with the legitmate hegemony with women. And every male will ram you like a bull dog to prove it.