What is the dirtiest joke you've ever heard? What is the cleanest joke you've ever heard?

Question

I'd like you to tell me the dirtiest joke you've ever heard, and the cleanest joke you've ever heard. They both need to be funny. No chickens crossing roads or sevens eating nines or any c**p like that.

Answer 1

A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of s*x education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of s*x education from the class.

One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," cooed the teacher.

"My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.

Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time.

And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with s*x education, Johnny?"

"It'll teach those Indians not to f**k with the Lone Ranger."

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Joe was walking with his new girlfriend Vickie. They had just finished a wonderful date and he was about to drop her off at home.

The mood was right and the timing was right, so Joe looked into her eyes and said, "Sweetheart, I want to tell you that you're the first girl I have ever loved."

"Oh no", Vickie groaned, "not another Rookie!"

Answer 2

Why Is s*x Like Riding A Bike?

1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.

2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.

3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.

4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.

5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.

6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.

7. It's best to have a soft place to land.

8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.

9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.

10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.

11. Once you learn, you never forget how.

12. If you fall off get right back on.

13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.

14. Remember to signal before you change direction.

15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.

16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat.

17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.

18. That's why some of them are called Mountin' Bikes.

One day there was a little girl and it was her birthday, but her parents had to go out for the night so they hired a babysiter and told him to let the girl do whatever she wanted to do because it was her birthday.

So when the parents left, the little girl was playing and the babysiter got tired so he said "I'm going to take a shower and the little girl said "Oh, can I take a shower with you?" and the babysiter said " Uh, O.K. Just don't look down."

When they were taking a shower the little girl dropped the shampoo and when she picked it up she saw his d**k and said "What's that?"

The guy said "Um, it's a ruber ducky" and the girl says "O.K."

Then the babysiter said "I'm tired I'm going to go to sleep." and the girl says "Can I go to sleep with you?" and the guy says "Um, O.K. Just don't look under the covers."

So when they're in the bed there's a thunderstorm and the girl gets scared and hides under the covers. Then she looks at the guys d**k and says "Can I play with your rubber ducky because I'm scared" and the guy says " Uh, O.K." and he falls asleep.

The next morning he looks at the bed and he sees the there is blood all over the place and he asks the little girl "What Happened" and the little girl says"The rubber ducky spit at me so I chopped it's head off."

Answer 3

the dirtiest:

Farmer Brown and his wife were working in the field one day about dusk. As they were heading back to the house they saw a bunch of strange lights way out in the field. Upon ariving Farmer Brown and his wife saw a spaceship landing. They were approached by two aliens. The aliens said they were researching human s*x life and wanted to know if they could partner switch. After talking it over Farmer Brown and his wife agreed. The next morning the aliens left.

Farmer Brown was dying to ask his wife what happened. Finally he couldn't stand it anymore and broke down and asked her. Well what happened?

She replied, It was the best s*x I ever had!

Why? asked Farmer Brown.

Well when he took off his pants it wasn'r but an inch long and as big around as my pinky, but then he reached up and turned his left ear and it grew as to 16 inches, then he turned his right ear and it got as big around as a sausage.

Farmer Brown said, Well ****, no wonder that ***** was trying to rip my ears off!!

the cleanest:

the cleanest joke thats accually funny would have to be,

two men are traveling, its getting very late so they stop at a farm and ask to stay the night.

the farmer says, you can say in my daughters room as long as there's no fooling around. the men stay the night and the next morning the daughter informs him that they were messing with her. when the men wake up

the farmer says, you have a long trip ahead of you go out and pick 100 of your favorite fruit!

after a hour the farmer walks up to the first man, who is picking cherries, and says, now start shoving them up your butt.

the man gets to 98 but laughs and they all fall out.

the farmer says, i dont know what you're laughing about, you'll have to start over!

he gets to 99 and laughs again.

what do you find so funny? the farmer asks

the man says, my friends over there picking watermelons!

Answer 4

She was nude and taking bath.