What is the explanation for this behavior in people?

Question

I admit, I am emotionally scarred by other people.

I cannot sustain a loving relationship for long, cause I get angry because of my emotional baggage.

My problem is that a part of my deep mind is convinced that people who love me, will react with anger and possibly agressivity if they see me suffering for any reason.

This behavior angers me cause its not compatible with loving someone. Yet people did it to me.

How can understand why would someone act thisway if he/she loves me? or says to love me.

Answer 1

Most people have emotional baggage, and  once bitten its hard to heal, forgive and forget. What I have found though most times its a case of the "self-fulfilling profesy." We tend to base most of our outcomes from the unfortunate incidents that happened in our lives and left us scarred. Unconsciously we seek out people who will only perpetuate and fulfill our belief that people are out to hurt us and will get angry at us.

The ones who genuinely do love us and wont commit the same emotional abuse we are used to we push away. We sabotage the relationships that have a potential to be different and to prove us wrong, that there are good people out there who will love us for who we are.

Sometimes what we need to do is to rid ourselves of the emotional baggage that weighs us down. Its not an easy process because it involves a whole overhaul of who we know as ourselves and becoming a whole new being. This usually takes blood and tears but if we stay true to the course, we can heal ourselves. Whereas this is no guarantee that we still wont get hurt emotionally, we learn to open our hearts again, we learn how to let go and not hold grudges. We learn that hurting is a part of living, but it doesnt have to become all of what we are.

We learn to love ourselves, flaws n all.

Answer 2

You need to go to therapy and deal with your trust and commitment issues.  It seems that someone, or several people, from your past, have betrayed you and now you have a difficult time understanding why anyone would care for you.  Well, some people just do!  Some people just love you to pieces.  Maybe it's your smile, or the way you say hello, but people can and do love you.  You're luckier than you realize.

Answer 3

"dont tell me what to do, tell me what were they thinking!"

With all due respect, how can anyone know what they were thinking, other than a guess in the dark?

Your difficulty is your emotional baggage, not the "Why?" of your past experiences.

In other words, I feel you are not asking the right questions.

As a guess, the person or persons have difficulty in expressing emotional support, find it uncomfortable, so then in order not to appear weak (which a lot of people, males especially, interpret sensitivity as), they overreact with aggression, covering up the discomfort.

You are right that when a person loves someone they should be supportive and understanding.  Unfortunately, people differ a lot, including in their capacity to be emotionally expressive.

It's good to find out if a boyfriend or friend will not be emotionally supportive early-on.  But at the same time, it is probably a mistake to expect them to be therapists. They are not therapists, and it's unfair to pressure them into that role, and unwise.

Answer 4

You must be bi-polar. do you just switch off like that?