What is the full meaning of "playing house"?

Question

My boyfriend and I recently began living together and suddenly this is his mother's favorite phrase. I actually had never heard this term before so I asked my mother who told me it means for a couple to be living together before they are married.

I'm assuming this is a negative comment, and that is certainly the tone in which she uses it. I don't appreciate her using this term on us because we are certainly not "playing" anything.

We are not irresponsible children who are just doing this as a game. We are both hard working, professional 30 year olds who have thoughtfully decided this is the best situation for both of us right now. We weighed options, living arrangements, marriage, and children (which we do not have) before moving into this house.

Additionally, this house, belongs to his mother but has been empty for 20 years and was (and still mostly is) in great need of work and care which my boyfriend and I have been working endlessly on (in addition to our jobs and hour long commutes). We took over all the utility bills, taxes, insurance, etc., because she was having a hard time affording everything, which together with the money spent putting work into this house is way more money that an apartment the same size would cost.

Do it sound like we are "playing" to you?

Also - she is not religious, in fact, she bought this house with my boyfriend's father (now deceased) before they were married. I think she is basically angry that I took her son away from her. He lived with her prior to this move.

Answer 1

People of a certain age feel that getting married shows that you are serious and want to make a lifetime commitment, and that anything less is practice, so playing house is her way of referring to your situation.  It's really fairly mild, and not meant to be too terribly insulting, so I'd just let it go.  I don't think you should read so much into it.

Answer 2

Playing House is a term used by an older generation.

Playing house is doing everything a married couple does, but has no marriage license, so they have no comitment. They are just playing house.

Answer 3

From what you say you have understood completely.....your boyfriend's mother is speaking negatively, and yes she is probably upset that her son has left home.

It sounds like you have both worked hard on the house....but have you any formal arrangements regarding rent etc, or will she be able to put you both out and sell it when you have finished renovating?

However, the fact that she allowed you both to move into the house means that she can't be totally opposed to the arrangement....and at least you are still on speaking terms.

Encourage your boyfriend to keep in touch with his mother on a regular basis and she may eventually warm to the idea of you as family.