What is the funniest heterosexual joke you can think of?

Question

Twelve year old Johnny walked in on his father having vigorous s*x with his mother. The father just winked and smiled at his son and kept on doing it. Johnny left the room. The next day young Johnny's father walked in on Johnny having vigorous s*x with his grandmother. Johnny looked at this father and said, "It's not so funny when it's your mother, is it?"

Answer 1

Ive seen that 1 before. Totally funny...

One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants.

The Teacher asked, "Johnny, what are you doing?"

Then, Johnny said, "It hurts down there."

"Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home", said the teacher.

A little while later, Johnny came back to classroom and sat back down.

Then the teacher came to the back of the room again, and he had his d**k haging out of his pants.

The teacher said, "Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants?!"

Then Johnny said, "My mommy said if I can stick it out until noon, she'll come and pick me up."

Answer 2

“Mummy, mummy, what are you doing?” exclaimed the little

boy as he walked into the bedroom to find her sitting on

daddy.

“Just flattening daddy’s tummy,” mum replied.

“I wouldn’t bother, when you go out tonight the au pair will

only blow it up again.”

Answer 3

it made me laugh

Answer 4

Little Johnny asked his father "Dad, do people go to Heaven head first or feet first?"

"I don't rightly know, Johnny. Why're you asking?" His father asked.

Johnny said "I saw mom with her feet in the air, screamin' 'Oh, God I'm  comin' and if the mailman hadn't been there to hold her down, I think she'd've went."

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For Another:

A cop found a drunk Aggie running around downtown College Station with nothing on but his corps hat. The cop asked what the heck he was doing.

The Aggie replied that he'd met a beautiful girl at a bar, she'd asked him up to her room, asked him to get naked and go to town as she stripped. "So I took of my clothes, jumped out the window and here I am."

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The teacher asked for a nice new word any of the class had learned over the weekend. She tried to ignore Little Johnny's frantically waving hand.

She finally gave up and asked Little Johnny what he'd heard.

"Beautiful." Johnny said. With relief, the teacher asked how he'd heard it used, to which, Johnny replied. "My sister is pregnant. When she told Dad, he said 'That's beautiful, just f***ing beautiful.' "

____

A business man decided to go home for lunch. As he walked into the bedroom to see if his wife was at home, he found her with the grocery boy. As the business man reached for the shotgun he kept in the closet, the grocery boy grabbed his clothes and leapt out the window with buckshot behind him.

The grocery boy's doctor looked at the wounds, made some notes, looked again, grabbed a note pad and made a reference.

"Will this make it better doc?" The grocery boy asked.

"No, it's the phone number of a flute player I know."

"How with this help me?" the grocery boy asked.

"He'll show you how to finger it if you want to stand up to pee."

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I've got to come to NH one of these days so we can have a drink and swap jokes.

D

Answer 5

One afternoon a little girl excitedly approached her mother, and announced that she had learned where babies come from at school that day. Amused, her mother replied, "Really, sweetie? Why don't you tell me all about it?"

The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the mommy and daddy take off all of their clothes, and the daddy's thing sort of stands up, and the mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's where babies come from."

Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye to eye, and said, "Oh, honey, that's sweet, but that's not where babies come from. That's where jewelry comes from."  

Answer 6

A couple wanted to join a church, and the minister told them that in order to prove their faith they had to abstain from s*x for one month.

A month passed, and the couple returned to see the minister. He asked

"so how did you do?"

The husband replied," The first two weeks were tough, but on the third week I happened to see her leaning over the deep freezer and I couldn't help myself- I took her right there!"

The minister was shocked, and could only say " I'm sorry, but you are kicked out of my church forever!"

The wife spoke up and said " That's okay- we're kicked out of the grocery store too!"