What is the funniest joke you have ever heard?

Question

Please keep it clean. :)

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls 911.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What do I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Answer 1

their is a boy and a girl sitting in sunday school. the girl sits infront of the boy. she falls asleep.

the sunday school teacher asks " what did Moses say when he saw the burning bush?"

the boy starts pocking the girl with a pencil. at the same time, and the girl shouts

" OH MY GOD"

The sunday school teacher says

" right"

the teacher then asks

" what did Noah say after the floods were over?"

just then, the boy pokes the girl for the second time, and she wakes up shouting

" OH MY LORD!"

the sunday school teacher says

"right again!"

she then asks " what did Sarah say to Abraham after she had he 89th child?"

the boy, once again, pokes the sleeping girl, and this time, she wakes up angry, screaming

"IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I WILL KILL YOU"...

sorry, its not very clean like you would have prefered, but its the funniest i've ever heard! ;()

Answer 2

i have a few (a little long)

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5.00, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted. The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.00. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?" Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00 The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?" Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!" The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!"

A paratrooper was scared to jump. His instructor told him, "If anything goes wrong, say, `Buddha oh Buddha' and you will be saved." The paratrooper got so scared that he forgot to pull his rip cord. So he said, "Buddha oh Buddha," and a hand came out and saved him.

He said, "Thank God," and he was dropped

Answer 3

funny man....

thanks for the laugh...

gotta star this

^_^