What is the most annoying thing about being adopted?

Question

I don't mean tragic or life changing, or therapy inducing...I mean just plain annoying on a day to day basis.

Like for instance for me; I'm 5'10 dark eyes, and hair. My mother (adopted) is 5'2 blond blue-eyes. I tire of the comments made all the time about "wow, you two look Nothing alike!"

Answer 1

People are just rude.

Answer 2

s***w those ppl... i look nothing like my mom...(m not adpoted) nor my dad... all the ppl say the same thing to me...

but i dnt care what they say...

Answer 3

I'm adopted and funny thing I do look quite abit like my mom.  I can't think of anything annoying about being adopted except being pestered about it.

Answer 4

The same thing that bothers me about being female:  having my experience constantly belittled by people who can't be bothered to imagine themselves as me.  

Examples:  It "doesn't matter" or I'm "making it up" that I can't see my own birth certificate and don't make the same money as a man for the same work.  There's "no discrimination" against me because now women can vote and the fact that celebs are doing it means adoption is "hip and cool."  I should be "grateful" that I wasn't aborted and that I no longer have to get married or make a career in nursing if I don't want to.

If the group you are in is the default setting (non-adopted, male, white, able-bodied, whatever) your privilege is invisible to you.  That doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Answer 5

I was adopted. I think it's all in how you look at it. I think the only downside to it is not knowing your family history, and what runs in the family.

Answer 6

just no knowing were u come from

Answer 7

That people assume that just because I reunited with my n-family, that means I am going to "replace" my adoptive one.

Or that I am somehow being disloyal to my adoptive family by having a relationship with my natrual family.

Being asked why I'm so "angry" because I speak out against the wrongs of the adoption industry.

And as others have posted here, the assumption that I should be "grateful" that I wasn't aborted (because my n-mom NEVER would have done that), that I didn't end up in a dumpster (again, my n-mom NEVER would have done that either); that my n-mom is some druggie crack w***e, that my n-dad was a dead beat loser or a rapist, etc.  None of it is true.

That people assume anything I did wrong came from "bad genes" but anything I did right came from "great parenting" of my aparents...does anyone just give me credit for making my own choices, wheter good or bad?  No.

Answer 8

rude ppl

Answer 9

I dont get that, what i get is thw ay someone would say to me " Isnt it sad u were a throw away baby", and u had to be put in foster care to find good parent u have now....then to beat all my siblings said to me the thanksgiving after my dad died that i was the "b*****d child" the they were the natural children and they should be in the will not me... so even family can be extremly hurtful....

Answer 10

Well for me it was the fact that I was 15 when my Dad decided he didn't want to pay child support so he told my Mom to have her husband adopt me and my brother. I had no real say in the matter. I was in 10th grade adn had to change my last name from Pirello to Yenny which I hated. What a pain in the booty to have to explain that to everyone in the middle of the year. Bunch of idiots my parents were about the whole thing. I think I was old enough to have kept my name. So that is mine....My Mom is my birth Mom though and I got close with my real Dad again when I was in my early 20's. He died in 2005:(

Answer 11

stuipd questions and comments. Are u adopted? u look nothing like ur parents! how does it feel to be adopted?

You know those types of questions and comments.

Answer 12

Honestly, for most of my life, it has been the feeling that no one got it.  As Robin said, there's a lot of misconceptions to overcome.  And the feeling of being totally isolated is really annoying.  

Society's misconceptions and refusal to acknowledge the experience of adoptees is really one of the most annoying things about being adopted for me.

Answer 13

I'm not adopted, but my husband and I have 4 adopted children who are bi-racial and pretty much on a daily basis we get "Oh they look nothing like you" Or  people will ask my kids where their mommy is and seem disgusted when they are told we are their parents.My kids hate that! But they have learned to over look it because some people are just idiots.

Answer 14

1. Not looking like anyone else (until I had my own children).

2. Not knowing my family medical history.

3. Wondering about the relatives I'll probably never know, especially siblings.

Answer 15

You know something the most annoying thing about being adopted is having to be annoyed about being adopted. I am not negating people who have annoyances about adoption- I know from reading here that there are many- but I have not experienced them-

Answer 16

Being the "eternal child" in the eyes of my state.  My state treats adopted adults differently under the law than non-adopted adults by denying them equal unconditional access to their own birth records.  If my parents had relinquished me, but I'd never been adopted, I would have the same access as non-adopted people.  Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely glad my family adopted me!  However, the moment that adoption finalized a little over a year after my relinquishment, the state took away my right to my own birth record.

Answer 17

Trying to bust the "myths" surrounding adoption. OMG! For example:

Being told how "grateful" I should be that I was adopted (How can anyone make such an assumption knowing nothing about my life?)

People believing that "if adoptees were happy with their adoptive parents, they wouldn't search" for our first families. (Searching has nothing to do with our feelings about our parents or families).

It get's SO tiring to repeat - repeat - repeat!!  Answering the same questions over & over, asked with just a few words changed.  

If adoptees express ANY kind of concern with the PROCESS of adoption, we're labeled "anti-adoption n**i's" or "trolls", accused of hating our parents, or hating adoption period.  

Just to name a few...

Answer 18

The gosts you create in your own head. Be thankfull for what you have ,we all have  some thing we dont know or can not answer. Do not worry enjoy your life. Good luck

Answer 19

The most annoying thing?  Everyone assuming its such a big deal

Answer 20

Id have to say not knowing the medical history of your birth family.

Answer 21

For me its not being allowed access to the very document that accurately records my birth.  I am a 42 old woman who has fought for her country.  I still can't get my records.

Answer 22

being adopted

Answer 23

That people cant see the good that comes out of adoption..........Oh i DO see the bad, but I just dont waste my life wishing I was a different person, or wishing that my mother dearest didnt give me up. I love my AP as they are my parents, so I dont regret anything.

I have been told that I look like my AP, and I guess thats because I have certain facial expressions that I have learned from them etc. I dont think I look like anyone in my birth family apart from my brother.

Answer 24

LOL! i understand that. but i find it amusing.

what annoys me is the damned if you do damned if you dont attitude of the general population.

like when they find out you are adopted, they immediately ask 'have you found your birthparents?' i have no problem with the question its self, but if you say "no" then its the whole ' i would if it was me, dont you care? dont you want to know? i would definitely look for them'

or you get asked that question and you say "yes, i have looked/found them" THEN  you get "how can you do that to your parents? dont you love them? your bio family got rid of you, they didnt want you,  i know I would never look!"

so frustrating.

the other thing is the attitude that i should be 'paying back' my parents. adoptive that is.

they feel i should be financially supporting them, doting on their every want, devoting my life to them, making my children second to them.

i love my parents and do appreciate and respect what they have given me. but why should  i be expected to give up  any life of my own to dote on their ever whim? that is not expected of most biological children. i did not make the choice, i had no voice. and i should not be expected to 'pay back' any more than my sister, their biological daughter.

Answer 25

My adopted daughter would get annoyed when I asked if she wanted gravy on her potatos or mayo on her bread.  She finally told me one day that she got mad when I did that because it was like I couldn't accept it must be something biological that made her like her food differently.  I was truly shocked.  It never crossed my mind that she was taking it that way and it never crossed her mind that I asked each person at the table the exact same questions even though I knew they didn't like broccoli or cheese on their pasta.  I still asked.  My reason was that as I grew older my tastes changed and I found I liked foods I didn't used to like.  So, I always asked if they wanted some of everything on the table.  We both laughed about it after we talked about it.  Mis- communication seems to be the most annoying thing between people regardless of who they are.

I used to get annoyed when people would ask me if my birth child was "the adopted one" because he was so different in coloring and behavior.  My other birth son looked just like my adopted girls.  Then I asked him if it upset him when people did that and he told me no that he liked it because it was like playing a joke on them.  It bothered me because they were looking for differences.  For what reason I'll never know.

Answer 26

That your parents didn't want you!