What is the point when you should cut all contact with your sister?

Question

What is the healthy point, when I should cut all contact with my sister? Our mother died when we were really little, and my dad raised his 3 daughters alone. I am the oldest, and the sister concerned is the youngest. The middle sister I believe is a total narcissist, but I have learnt to accept her behavior, because it is predictable.

The youngest sister and I, have always been close. I always thought that we were 2 peas in a pod, until a couple of years ago.

Then about 3 years ago, she announced that she had eloped - I was really hurt to be excluded. Then she had difficulties falling pregnant (I have 2 kids). Anyway, all I have ever done is treat her with total kindness - exactly the way I would want someone to treat me. For example, I loaned her her house deposit, I put together a special book about our mother by writing to lots of family/friends, I have given her lots of money, go to the chemist when she is sick, etc. This list could be a mile long - I cannot emphasis enough, what I have done for her.

My husband thinks that she is jealous - she really hates me. She keeps talking about "how I am not grateful for the things she has done for me". There have been periods of up to a year, when we haven't talked at all.

Today she had her 1st baby - although officially I haven't been told.

This question is unrelated to the baby though.

I just feel so bitter, that I totally hate her. I have nothing in my heart for her, but hate. What should I do?

Answer 1

Of all your relationships in life the one with a sister is the most rewarding.  This is the one person who knows you your whole life.  This becomes very special when you are both older and wiser.  So remember this when you deal with your sister.  Babies are wonderful relationship repairers so don't wait, go welcome the baby, visit your sister. No one can make you feel what you do not allow them to, as for bitterness, let it go. My sister and I used to fight like cats and dogs, then we lost our mom, then dad, then husbands, our kids moved away and we only have each other now - I know what you are going through ... Good Luck

Answer 2

Your last sentence summed it up, you should cut contact with her since you, at this point, hate your sister.  You expected that your acts of kindness would draw your sister closer to you, which it has not.  Now with milestones passing in her life, you are bitter that she does not include you in those moments.  Let her be the one to call you at this point,  since you feel bitter, you would be toxic in the relationship.

Answer 3

Really there is nothing for you to do but to focus on your family and other responsibilities at hand and derive joy and companionship from them.  You talk as if your sister is the only person in your life.  What, were you going to storm her home and demand to see the baby like the evil fairy in Sleeping Beauty?  I use a ridiculous example to show you how you are obsessing.  Your husband and children certainly are missing out on your good humor and love as a result.  When she makes contact sooner or later, I would not rebuff her.  She may have been unkind and wrong and maybe someday she will realize it and regret it, or not.  You have no control over that.  What you can control is how happy your home and family are.