What is the psychology behind someone who want's a submissive partner?

Question

I really would not be attracted to someone who wanted to be submissive in the relationship and who was always 'agreeable'. I see someone like that as having major elf-esteem issues and I believe this would become very boring after a while....

Personally, I feel that someone who wants a submissive partner is on a major power trip, and merely wants a slave to cater to their every whim. I see a person like that as extremely selfish, self-centred and with a false sense of entitlement.

What is your opinion?

Answer 1

to each their own, I try not to judge what someone else wants in a relationship. People who do that remind me too much of bible thumps.  Didn't mean that to come out so snarky. But if two people are happy with the arrangement what business is it of anybody elses? if we were all the same the world would be more boring then it already is.

Answer 2

Insecurity

Being a submission pervert is disgusting and repulsive.

Answer 3

According to the DSM-IV, preferring to be submissive or dominant in a relationship is not a disease, so there's one point.

Sometimes it's associated with self-esteem issues, and sometimes the dominant person is indeed selfish and disregards their partner. However, some people are more inclined to be forceful, while some are genuinely more satisfied by taking direction. I think of it as a normal variance in personality. Put a dominant person in a relationship with a submissive person and both people are getting their needs satisfied.

In a good, healthy dominant/submissive relationship, it is the dominant's job to take care of the submissive, respect them, and make sure their needs are being fulfilled. It's not supposed to just be about the dominant's whims. Obviously the idea of controlling another person is attractive to selfish people too, but it's not everyone. Plenty of dominant people do not see dominating others as something they're entitled to, they just see it as something they enjoy. Plenty of submissives don't have self-esteem issues; they just like taking direction.

You say that submissiveness is not something that would attract you; it's just different strokes for different folks. There is no "right" way to be sexually, as long as you're not hurting anyone.

Answer 4

My opinion is that I think that beyond the bedroom the psychology underlying one who enjoys a submissive partner may feel that this is the only method by which one may obtain a sense of control.  I'm not familiar with 'elf-esteem' as being a causal factor, nor am I familiar with this term.

I don't have interest in a submissive partner as I find this boring, but I do not think that wishing to be a submissive partner or wishing to have a submissive partner represents non-normative behaviour.

Answer 5

I think it does stem from low self-esteem.  These people need to feel important and in control, even if it's only in their own homes.  They cannot stand up to someone who is independent, so they desire someone they can dominate.

Answer 6

Three possibilities

a. they have had bad relationships with people who were too aggressive, and want to avoid that,

b. they are male and conservative, and they think women should be submissive because that makes them better mothers, or

c. they want somebody submissive out of selfishness, because they like getting their own way.

is this question in response to the question by the guy who was pretending to be from cory in the house?

Answer 7

When it comes to relationships, I'm more liberal in my thinking than usual. If some one wants to be submissive, or another person wants to be dominant, that's fine with me. As long as the relationship meets both their needs. I wouldn't classify that as a personality or behavioral disorder. I wonder how many people answering this question are even married or are older than 30.

Answer 8

Some people get intense pleasure out of being submissive.  Some get pleasure out of being made to be submissive. If you are that way inclined, being submissive makes you feel good and is emotionally and physically satisfying.

A person who wants a submissive partner is not necessarily selfish.  He may in fact be a very caring person who wants to make his partner happy, but simply enjoys taking on a dominant role in the relationship.

There are plenty of people in supposedly 'equal' relationships who are extremely selfish and uncaring.  

Answer 9

You have to distinguish between what is somebody's erotic fantasy and what is a genuine pathological issue such as you are referring. to. Most people who receive sexual gratification from being submissive do not necessarily want to always defer to the partner--outside of the bedroom, they might be the more "in charge partner."

Some dominant partners are like you describe, but so are some partners who are in relationships where neither person wants to be submissive. A lot of people who want to be the submissive partner are actually very needy and self-centered.

Tracy, you don't really have any idea what you are talking about. Some people have very supportive, healthy long-term relationships where one partner is submissive to the other.