What is the true problem with opposite s*x friends? ?

Question

From looking at another person's question here, I was genuinely surprised at the defensive reactions to the thought of someone's partner having an opposite s*x friend.

Honestly, in this day and age - and with the trust that should be natural in marriage - why is it a problem?

I saw an attitude of "spending time with an opposite s*x friend leads to bonding and then bed" - but surely, surely, people have more self control than that?

How open are you about these things?

I think it strengthens a relationship - both my girlfriend and I have a lot of opposite s*x friends - I trust her and I also know nothing would happen with my friends.

So - why are people so scared of it?

Answer 1

My ex had a life long work buddy after 25 years she has a life long work husband.

Answer 2

You know......it's not cool. I wouldn't want my husband going out with another woman on his own. That is playing with fire. I had to put a stop to a woman calling who was his friend before we were married and she had NO RESPECT she would call , she would flirt and call two and three times a day . She wants more than just friendship and she wonders why I don't like her HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! Poor baby!

My husband and I have a male friend, he asked us to go to lunch, my husband didn't want to go, he invited me and I know he didn't mean anything by it, but I turned down the offer out of respect to my husband. You just don't do that

Double dates with are okay OR going out as a group is okay but none of the one on one stuff. It's disrespectful and it invites trouble whether you think it does or doesn't

Answer 3

Insecurities and trust issues. Some people have an illusion that by telling your spouse/gf/bf not to hang out with friends of opposite s*x with eliminate the possibility of cheating. It gives some people an illusion of control over their significant other though the only person you can control in healthy relationship is you.  

Answer 4

the real deal is honesty within each other.. my wife has a lot of male friends that she talks with and hangs out with.. I only have a problem if she tries to hide them.. be honest with each other...we don't "require" telling everything of our conversations, but mainly letting the other know we talked to "os" (opposite s*x) friends... we both have a line that people don't cross and trust each of us will uphold that line... I think love is faith and trust.. you cannot prevent something from happening with another person.. if they want, they will do it.. you have to be yourself and allow them to do the same.. you just cannot control people.. they have to want to "be good" out of their love for you, not "fear"

Answer 5

Here's a thought...........why don't you and your GIRLFRIEND (Who isn't your WIFE) go on and do your thing, and we will all do ours.

My HUSBAND would NOT want me hanging out, and going out to dinner and going out for drinks, alone with another man because I am his WIFE.

Sorry you don't get this, but lets face it, men aren't "friends" with women.  Only g*y men are.  Most other men are just trolling for potential s*x.

Answer 6

your right people should have more self control, but generally most people do not. Also you are right about the trust thing. Yes trust is very important in a relationship and i don't think that the "no friends of the opposite s*x" applies to everyone but having friends of the opposite s*x can cause problems for most couples. For one thing people always say that the best couples start out as friends first, I for one married my best friend. So i can see why people would be nervous about their spouse having a close friend. Also they say that no man can be friends with a woman without becoming attracted to her. While i am sure that is not true for every scenario, I personally have never had a male friend (married or not) who did not at one point in our friendship try to initiate more than a friendship with me, unless of course they were g*y.

EDIT: I also agree with lucy, The truth is that most guys do not have friends who are female, they just have female friends who they have not slept with yet.

Answer 7

It is near impossible for a woman to keep male friends.  Every single male friend I have will sleep with me if I give him the green light.  Every single one.  These friendships are not the pure, genuine friendships I keep with women.  If you think this is unique only to me, I implore every woman on here to proposition their male friend.  I'd bet the house they'd be at the front stoop, ready, willing and able.

Answer 8

I think that is great that you 2 have such trust.

My trust was stripped form my own heart many years ago and I wish I could dig deep and refind it.

My ex's had female friends, they did sleep with them. So, I guess you can see how I am not and won't ever be open to that again.

Answer 9

Because if a women has an opposite s*x friend and assuming he is normal. He will be thinking about having s*x with her (if she's attractive to him) every 15 minutes or so. That's pretty normal for a guy.  

Answer 10

it depends on the person(s). if you have trust issues because of cheating or something like that, the other won't be comfortable. me and my b/f have that problem. and in this day in age a lot of people don't know how or want to be monogamous. it's not like back in the day when parents and grandparents really believed in 'til death do us part.

Answer 11

Two words: SLIPPERY SLOPE!

Answer 12

its true the more time u spend with the opposite s*x there usually is a bond that is created! And some times yes feelings do develop and then yes then it gets to the bed!

I am not married but i have had that happen before. Like if i am with a guy long enough as friends we do start to bond! Then we ended up having feelings and going from there. So ya there is a truth side of it!

But in your question yes i think guys and girls can just be friends without the bond. They just cant spend to much time together!

Answer 13

I think it stems from the lack of trust - not just the lack of trust in the other person, but the lack of trust in oneself and one's own judgment. When you yourself are not sure if you chose a person who is trustworthy, you will not feel comfortable with situations that can potentially lead to problems. It doesn't only go for having friends of opposite s*x, it applies to other situations as well. If you don't have the basic trust in yourself and the person you're with, you will see red flags everywhere - because, truthfully, they ARE everywhere; there are plenty of opportunities to get hurt in a relationship. For what it's worth, I think you have a very healthy outlook. Yes, there will be people who will betray your trust, but if they are capable of it they will do so anyway - regardless of the "bans" you institute in your relationship.

Ideally, once you are in a serious relationship with someone, friends take the back seat to your mate anyway. Since I've been with my husband, neither of us hangs out with our friends quite as much (this goes for both same- and opposite-s*x friends), and when we do, we usually do it together anyway. Not because we don't trust each other, but simply because we want to do things together. We have similar ideas on how much time is to be spent with friends and how much time is to be spent with each other, and, IMO, this is the kind of compatibility one should be looking for in a relationship.

It's also perfectly ok to be uncomfortable with a person's choice of friends. But usually one's friendship style is evident fairly early on, and it's one of the factors that should influence your decision of whether or not you want to be in a relationship with this particular person. Then there are situations when the opposite-s*x friend appears out of nowhere and the way the so-called "friendship" is conducted is out-of-character for the person - this is an obvious red flag, and it is most likely no "friendship". But to expect your partner to not socialize with the opposite s*x at all is, IMO, a sign of insecurity.

Answer 14

if they're scared, it's because they are insecure and suffer with unhealthy self worth/esteem!

And, it's so easily fixed if you want to:

http://www.google.com/search?client=oper...

Answer 15

Lots of people are stupid and lots of people use yahoo answers. The chances that stupid people use yahoo answers is quite good thus you'll recieve and see a lot of stupid answers. I too trust my husband and do not worry if he has female friends and I would expect that he feel the same way. Some people are very insecure and controlling, but most people I should not expect are this way. The most you can do is realize that the veiw that men and women cannot be friends is false and then stop worrying about it. Arguing with crazy or stupid people is like arguing with religious fanatics. It's a total waste of time.

EDIT: Just because someone is willing to have s*x with you, doesn't mean that they are not your friend unless you view s*x as something you don't enjoy, but do for the other person as a favor. The point is trusting your spouse or your partner rather than worrying about what their friend might do.

Answer 16

My husband has a couple of friends of the opposite s*x and I do too.

I think that people are insecure and that is the ones that won't allow each other to have friends, maybe because their spouse hurt them in the past or they are naturally jealous, who knows, now if my husband gave me reason to believe that something happened between them or that he is feeling more than he should for her, that would change my mind about them hanging out together. Let's be glad that we can be the way we are.

Answer 17

Women who have problems with their husbands or boyfriends having female friends are just insecure and jealous.

They need to grow up and learn to trust him.

My husband has female friends and it doesn't bother me 1 bit cause i trust him completely and i know he wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our marriage.

Answer 18

the ones who are scared of it are telling you that they would only be friends w/someone of the opposite s*x because they had ulterior motives.  Since they would go to bed w/someone they were friends with regardless of their couple status w/someone else, they assume everyone else would as well.

Answer 19

Personally, although I agree with the meaning of the content of Lucy's answer, I think that she thinks too much of herself without giving credit to her male friends' morality.

Sometimes, opposite s*x friendships are okay and can be very mutually beneficial (yes, even without the friend wanting to jump your bones!), but they must be mutual friends whom you have undivided trust in.  It all depends on the people involved.  

Answer 20

You must be young.  

Answer 21

Because when 2 people of opposite s*x are spending time together and sharing intimate talks, they can't help but start feeling something. Its very natural to. I would not want my husband to have girl friends. Because anything could happen, they may not plan it but still. Its too risky.  

Answer 22

1 word.... self esteem. people who think that it is weird to have an opposite s*x friend have their own issues they need to work out.

Answer 23

Actually, most if not all men don`t have the self control to not engage in intimate relations with a woman. Most men, if given the opportunity, especially single, will cheat with a married woman every time the opportunity presents itself.Honestly, in this day and age with a 50% divorce rate looming, you see no harm that can come of 2 people spending intimate quiet time together when in other relationships? Does life experience and marriage mean anything to you?