What is wron with feeling this way?

Question

I asked a question earlier about why they cant just leave the children alone and alot of people did not like it. I didnt say to stop thinking about them I said let them find you. Remember it is about the children.And i am one of those children that was just left with a stranger.

Answer 1

Sweet Kasey,

You can feel the way you want.  As an adoptive mom i must respectfully disagree.  My children have the right to know their First parents.  They have the right to know their history.  They have a right to see themselves reflected in the faces of their bio-family.  It will be my children's right to decided what is best for them, but if i do my job right they will embrace ALL of their family.

It is about the children by surrounding them with two families who love them completely.

Answer 2

So u r adopted?

Answer 3

I know what you mean, but I think that some people want to find their children because they want them back before they're 18. some people's parents made them give their child up when they were a teen, but then when they became an adult they search for their child. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Answer 4

I think it's none of my business. The government has come a long way in recent years to protect the rights of adoptees and birth parents for the sake of the children.  A long time ago adoptions were forced on people. Think of them also. Noone's feelings are ever wrong, so don't feel bad. But, always remember to put yourself in the person your down talkings shoes.

Answer 5

You can feel any way you want.

But the problem is, some adoptees wait for their parents to search for them.  (Their thinking seems to be "She gave me up; she should find me if she wants to.")  If the first parents are waiting for the adoptee, and the adoptee is waiting for the first parents, then that's just tragic.  

I would have been thrilled to be found by my first mom.  But she was told adoptees don't want to be found.  That's false.  I wanted to be found.  I know plenty of adoptees that want to be found.  The chances of finding each other increase when both sides look.

You are free to say "no" if you are found.  But I don't think it's wrong for first parents to search.

Answer 6

You have a right to feel anyway you want.

When I decided to search, my bdaughter was 30. I would have never searched until she was 18, my intention was not to get her back or take her from her adoptive family, she was an adult now and I asked to have a relationship with her, then it was up to her to say what she wanted.

Even though it's "about the children" when they are adults, they are no longer children and they have the right to make up their own mind. I was prepared for anything including rejection, hatred or acceptance. I got acceptance and I am very happy.   I know who her Mom is and that they have very special realtionship and I would never want that to end.

You can't have TOO many people to love you.