What is wrong with adopting to "complete" your family?

Question

My wife and I have always wanted to adopt even when we dated we thought about having two kids then adopting one. Then my wife got diagnosed with diabetes making pregnancy a high risk for her. We had one and don't want to risk another pregnancy. We decided that we don't want three kids any more so we are going to foster to adopt. I am a social worker (not in adoption I work with the elderly) my wife has a degree in early child hood education. We are helper by nature and we want to help a child in foster care and complete our family. I have seen and been told before on here that I am selfish and not thinking about the child. What is wrong with adding to your family through adoption no matter the reason.

Answer 1

nothing

Answer 2

Actually, I *do* hear people saying all the time - one more and we're complete - when they are talking about their biological kids. I also hear a lot of people say that they got pregnant to try and save their marriage - talk about giving an infant a job!

I think it's great that you'll be fostering to adopt!

Answer 3

there isn't anything wrong with it . . .

an infant, whose mother made the choice to relinquish, is getting a home with a loving, stable family.

Answer 4

There is nothing wrong with adopting. There are thousands of kids looking for homes. Kudos to you

Answer 5

I do not think it's selfish.



I think it's great but right now the system is broken and out of control in so many ways.

If you adopted today while this c**p is as messed up as it is.

You have a way bigger chance of getting a stolen baby or child then getting one that did need to be protected.

Answer 6

to adopt for completing a family sends red flags to me because the focus, when adopting should be about fullfilling the needs of the child. Approaching adoption in the best interests of the child, may mean that sometimes the adoption isn't necessary, and that it possibly shouldn't go through. When approaching the adoption from the view of wanting to complete your family, one could overlook the best interests of the child if that means that the child shouldn't go into the potential adoptive family.

I think when approaching adoption, the family should be putting the child first, so that the childs needs aren't overlooked physically, and emotionally due to the wants of wanting to complete the family.

Answer 7

There's nothing wrong with adopting a foster child.  These are the children that have no families and need them.  They are the reason adoption exists.  The people that are considered selfish are the ones who are desperately seeking a pregnant woman whose child they can adopt.  Many of them come across as though they are entitled to a baby just because they want one.  They often are pretty picky about having a brand new baby rather than being concerned about the children who don't have anyone.

I do find the whole concept of "completing" one's family a bit strange.  I feel my family is complete no matter how many members are in it.  But, foster-adoption is a good way to go if you want to adopt a child.

Answer 8

I think it's more of an issue of semantics.  If people read into that statement enough, it could be interpreted as your life/family isn't whole without children and that there is some void/need that wants filling.  Sort of like people having kids to save their marriage.  Rather, the idea that your marriage/home/life is full and complete, but an adoption would make it more enriching.  It's a fine line and I don't buy into it too much, personally.  But I get the impression that's where the criticism is coming from.

Answer 9

There is absolutely nothing wrong with it.  Don't let others tell you any different.  You need to do what is best for you and your family.  In the end, that is all that should matter.  : )   Good luck to you.

Answer 10

There is nothing wrong with it.

Answer 11

There is absolutely nothing wrong with adoption.  I think it is a great thing to do.  Several of my friends are adopted, and my cousin and his wife fostered three children (siblings from a drug addicted mother), and wound up adopting them a few years ago.

I think that adoption is a great method to give children a real chance at a great life outside of the foster system.

Answer 12

Don't listen to other people. There are loads of children who need loving homes. If you can make the pact to love that child as you love your own, I think it's a very noble thing that more people should do. If anything, I think it's selfish to ignore adoption as an option and only have your own genetic babies, even if that means using fertility and other treatments.

Best of luck

Answer 13

nothing is wrong with it!!

Answer 14

Nothing is wrong with adopting from foster care.

The 'complete' thing is odd.  Do you have an 'expiration date' for the completion, too?  We both know there is not a certain number that makes your family 'complete', so why say it?

It gives me that weird feeling like this future kid of your has a job--  completing your family.  And you never hear people who make their own children say, one more and we're COMPLETE.

It's always with adoption.  It's a tired cliche--dump it.

Answer 15

It saddens me to think that you need to be  asking if adoption is wrong?  Why does that sadden me?  Because adoption gives another child, either in foster care or newborn a chance to be in a loving home-  the birth mom's sacrificially loves her baby so much that she would be willing to place her child for adoption knowing that her baby may get a chance at a better life-  I could understand someone asking "what is wrong with abortion"? because it takes a life- but what is wrong adoption?- nothing- good luck as you choose that special one to be added to your family.

Answer 16

i know what you meant by we don't want three kids anymore....meaning you didn't want to conceive three anymore. That was for the weetard who tried to throw it in your face.

Anyways,Adopting is a beautiful thing. You give a child the chance to be a part of a family and be loved as if they were conceived by you guys all along.

I hope you follow through if it is what you desire and I wish you many blessings on finding the children that would really benefit from you and your family.

=)

Answer 17

Nothing is wrong with it, as long as with any child, there are no built in, self serving expectations.  Parents (adoptive or birth) are supposed to be there for their children, after their lives are already full.  They contribute to their child's lives, but then receive a multitude of gifts and challenges from their child.

When I hear the argument that adoptive parents are adopting for themselves, and not for the child, and that if they were doing it for the child, they would adopt teens out of foster care -- makes me wonder...........Then wouldn't birthparents  need to think about the best interest of their child by not conceiving them to begin with, if they are not able to parent them?  Especially, since, as some point out, adoption is so "horrible"?   Let's take this all the way back to the first person responsible for making decisions "for" this child.  It's only AFTER a birthparent has 1.) Created a child, 2.) Given birth to a child, and 3.) Relinquished a child  -- that adoptive parents step in.  Purposeful irresponsibility?  A bit too late to blame the adoptive parents for "stealing" a child from his "real" parents.

Answer 18

My sister-in-law has two biological children and they are trying for number three to "complete" their family.

That is what we were designed to do! Despite what others may think woman are biologically programmed to be nurturers. If a woman chooses not to parent then there is nothing wrong with someone else nutruring their child and thus completing a family.

I agree with the other poster who said that many couples have biological children to save a marriage....wow poor kid.

A child biological or adopted does not complete a family they just add to what was already there.

Many folks suggest on adopting from foster care. It is unrealistic to sucessfully match a thirteen year old child with a twenty four year old couple. Or how is a twenty six year old, newly married couple going to handle a sixteen year old boy who was raped repeatadly by his step-father? Should I bring him into my home with an impressionable six year old? How would I sucessfully deal with his anger issues?  Would it be fair to just stick these kids with anyone? People who are unable to parent them and give them what they need?Not to mention many of these kids have been through so much that even the general population could not parent them.

It's d**n unfair to the kids but the system allowed these kids to go back and fourth between birthfamily and foster care for years. These kind of arrangements traumatize kids and some never recover. It's disturbing and sick. So no adopting from foster care at this present time for us is NOT an option.

And I do not feel guilty for saying it!!!

There is nothing wrong with me wanting a baby or a younger child. Is their anything wrong with biological parents wanting a baby? No ofcourse not. But I can tell you their is something wrong with dead beat dads who do not support the famlies they help create.....more often than not this is the reason why adoption exhists. Until men step up to the plate and care, nurture and support the famlies they help create woman will always be forced to make hard decisions.

It's so easy to blame birthmother's... adoptive parents....."angry adoptee's" (who are telling it like it is for them).....how about the REAL problem???  Let's raise our baby boys to be men and not try and take advantage of young woman and to be father's to the children they create. Why doesn't anyone every mention that??? Thank heavens my inlaws raise a man!

Answer 19

There is nothing wrong with adopting. There are many of children out there that need stable homes and not nearly enough families who will take them.  I think it's great what you want to do.  Go for it.

Answer 20

The difference between "completing" your family with a biological child vs. "completing" your family through adoption, is that your biological child didn't have to lose anything in order to complete your family.

Think about that for a minute.

Yes, adoption can be and is a good thing for most of the kids who are adopted, but even the kids in foster care HAD TO LOSE THEIR FAMILIES in order to go into care.  

There is always, ALWAYS a LOSS involved for someone in order for an adoption to take place, in order for someone else to be "complete".

When adoption is about giving a child a home, then adoption is a good thing.

When adoption is about satisfying the adult's needs and desires, then the goodness factor gets a little more blurry.  The children's needs sometimes get pushed to the background.  Not always, but sometimes.

Answer 21

Your reason are your reasons and should be respected.

Answer 22

adoption is such an amazing thing. My nephew was adopted. His birth-parents were teens in HS who could not have taken care of him. My niece was adopted. Her mother was a single mom with 3 kids and she barely made ends meet. With one more, she would not have been able to afford food for them. Another adopted niece, from Guatemala who has a life she never could have had there.

These beautiful children have parents who love them more than anything in the world. After trying 7 years they now have the family they have always wanted and dreamed of.

There are so many children who need love.

Answer 23

You know what.....please follow your heart. If this is what you want to do and you're ready to make that committment, PLEASE do. I am only speaking from experience. I was adopted when I was three months old. The family that I would have lived with was a broken one. My birth mother was scared of my birth father, so decided that I deserved a better life. She wanted me to have two parents, a safe environment, etc. My father left my mother when she was six months pregnant and provided no support. Thanks to my birth mother and her unselfishness, I was adopted by my family.....the only family that I know and will ever know! I love them so much. They have given me a chance. I had the best childhood ever! I have three loving brothers, we went on wonderful vacations, my education has always been important, they sent me off to college, etc. I completely encourage you to do this. There is nothing wrong with adding to your family! That's just one more person to love and support and let grow with you. : ) You are giving another person a chance that may not have had one! You are welcoming someone into your family. I do not know about others....but to me, that's a BIG thing. I am so happy for you and I wish you the best of luck with whatever decision you come to.

Answer 24

you shouldn't need a child to feel complete.