What is wrong with my husband?

Question

Okay, I always feel like my husband loves me. But he just has a complete lack of awareness. My first mother's day he forgot, my SECOND mother's day, he forgot. Our first anniversary we were living with his sister, and now its our second anniversary.. and we are in the hole $90. And he says to me "I'm so pissed off about that, i was going to buy you flowers" and proceeds to tell me, that a female co-worker of him told that that the Smith's grocery store here has "Cheap flowers" and "any woman that likes flowers doesnt really care where they are from"

I've had issues with that woman (nothing huge) but that is an entirely different topic.

I dont know what to do, I could be a B*tch and ride his *** so that he doesnt remember but then i know i wouldnt enjoy myself.

p.s. The only money that is ever spent on myself is Food (that is already bought for the rest of the family) I stay at home with the baby.

Answer 1

explain to him that you don't want flowers, you don't want gifts, you just want to feel special on those days.

tell him you look forward to anniversaries, birthdays, mothers days because it's a day where you think he is going to spoil you and make you feel like a princess... but when the days come and go like that,  you feel disapointed.

explain to him that it's not his fault that you feel badly, but you'd prefer to feel special and wonderful instead.

perhaps a candle lit massage, a home cooked dinner, a day where he does all the housework and you play with baby, or a bubble bath with rose petals in it.. anything like that would make you dreamy with happiness, and that is all you'd like from him. A day of spoiling.

once he understands why you feel bad, what it is that he can do for you and how he can make you feel special, he will want to do so.

men get so confused about this sort of thing because "things" don't mean anything to them most of the time. Men don't feel emotional about presents or about dates, so they find it hard to know what is the right thing to do.

Answer 2

Try doing for yourself what you want him to do for you, and make treating yourself well more of a priority.  Like if you have a choice between getting him an expensive anniversary gift, versus getting a less expensive gift and saving a few bucks to spend on yourself when you don't get something you'd like to have, well save the few bucks.  You're goign to need to find a way, either with your budget, or with a job, to have a little money to spend on yourself.

Oh, but its not only about money, when it comes to treating yourself well.  Take a look at flylady.net.  The FLY lady (First Love Yourself) admonishes to do something nice for yourself at least once or twice a day.  That could mean taking a long bath, reading, or doing your toenails.   Just remember yourself, and others will likely start to treat you better.  And if they don't, you'll still be okay!

Answer 3

I am not making excuses for men but the truth of the matter is men do not think  in the same way women do. We are not psychics and need to be told without anger which only causes rifts and angst. Know that all anger is fear based if you examine your anger you will see what it is that you are afraid of. IF you communicate that you will be able to have a healthier relationship. But this must be done without attacking and explanation of what you want with also appreciation of when he is successful in hearing and listening. Men are much like dogs when you praise us we want to do more for our loved ones. So remember do not let your fear turn into anger and if you are already angry let him know what you want. Like I said men are not mind readers if we were their would be no need for couples therapy.

Answer 4

Some guys just don't have things like that on their mind. Many have some kind of sports and s*x and work on the mind not some much in that order. I know for a year i got my wife flowers as close to her BD as I could. i would make sure some how I would have at least $50. set aside so I coudl get them. She works out side the house and I was for the most part taken the kids(3 of them)to all of their things and this enclude sports and dance also school to and from, meals in short I was the Mr. Mom. All the I love you have pretty much went out the window when I got sick along with a few other things that upset the egg basket. She was trying to change me and I was not going to do that, I was who I am. I'm still a caring person but I also want too see that the kids can make it on their own. I will not kiss there butts and sure don't want mine kissed as well. Our oldest has a child and it is her job to raise it not ours. Now that does not mean I don't want to do things for them I will. Any way that gets away from your subject.

Have you tried putting up a calender and mark the import thing. During  a sit down meal talk about what is going on the next day or two the next week or so. I know from growing up with a mom who put all sorts of thing son there and from my military time. it was sort of a dairy. One can go back later and see what you did. Sort of neat really.

so how much longer before you in fact add the tch to the BI?    

Answer 5

that sounds like normality

it also sounds like your a tad bit above normality, I guess you married the wrong guy, someone who is slighty below you in the social pyramid

Answer 6

You say you feel as if he loves you, but it seems to me he's not considering you or your feelings. Sounds to me like he's just indifferent to you. Otherwise he'd make an effort to please you. I'm sorry...

Answer 7

Your husband doesn't have a clue...like so many men. But you have to realize they aren't made like women. They don't get "subtle". They don't read minds. And more importantly things that seem so obvious to us are completely missed by them. I do believe that a kind loving wife would not care where the flowers came from. My most favorite flowers were the ones my husband and 11 year old son stopped and picked for me one day on the way home. But where he lost points was in telling you that. GEEZ. Instead of getting mad at him for that stuff, learn to be real obvious. Remind him about your anniversary and ask what he would like. Plan something together..."What do you want to do for OUR anniversary?" Tell him flat out that it hurts you when he completely forgets because you feel taken for granted. That it doesn't have to be expensive, just considerate. But in the mean time, try and remember all the good kind things about him because there are lots of things they don't get about us either, but they love us anyway. ;)

Answer 8

My hubby and I have been married for 40 years and he isn't as romantic as he use to be because we can't afford to so through the years we have learned to make do- we pack a nice dinner with things from the house- even cutting them fancier or putting them in a special dish and we have fancy glasses we got at a garage sale and we make it special.we go for walks together and talk about our lives and the wives usually do most of the planning and doing but it still makes it special some men need to be pushed a little don't take offence to it that's just the male nature.Life is what you make it and you need to be happy and not find so much fault.

Answer 9

To be honest remembering birthdays, anniversaries etc, are not important to most guys, not that we dont care just cant make it a big enough priority to remember. I have my sister remind me of all these things a couple of weeks before or later, works pretty good, No one knows but us.

Answer 10

Try talking to him about it or try being a b*tch

Answer 11

The way I see it, you have two choices - remind him of important events and give him ideas as to what you want, or be mad. Seriously, which sounds better to you?

A lot of guys don't understand the importance of anniversaries and holidays to a woman. Since it's not important to him, he can't be expected to magically understand how important it is to you. I remind my husband about upcoming birthdays and anniversaries, so I always get what I want, and he doesn't have to feel bad about forgetting. It's win-win. I'm not a B*tch about it - it's entirely possible to remind people of things and give them ideas without being a jerk.

As for the "cheap flowers" thing, I totally agree with his coworker. It's silly for a man to spend $100 on flowers when he can get some that are just as nice for less money. Especially since you have money problems, I'd think you'd be encouraging him to buy the cheaper flowers.

Answer 12

sounds as if most of your problems are caused by lack of money.maybe he doesn't have the money,sometimes its easier to get a job, so u will have some money to spend.