What is wrong with my mother in law? Why does she say I have no one else?

Question

My parents weren't supportive of me marrying my husband (or moving away with him). That created a lot of boundaries and now we don't even talk (I tried to talk with my mom, she talked to me for a month, but then my mother in law brain washed my husband into thinking my mom is evil and hates my baby).

So now my mother in law has a new saying every time I point out how much I can't stand her and her 3 daughters. She says "We're all you have." How can she put words in my mouth like that? I really wouldn't go to her for anything. I would much rather go to my parents who created a loving environment when I grew up. Just because my parents don't love my husband or see the things I see in him, doesn't mean they want me murdered and my baby put up for adoption.

My mother in law even had the nerve to look up my mom's number (call everyone in my family that was in the phone book because my mom was unlisted) and tell her that I was having a baby and that she should come. My mom hates my mother in law for several reasons (one being that she threw my husband out of the house at 16, and he came and lived with us and his grandma off and on).

So now that my mother in law and mom don't get along, my mother in law says "We're all you have" every time that an argument comes up between my husband and me (regarding her).

I'm so sick of hearing about how she's all I have, yet she won't do us a single favor (like watch our daughter once a month.. she hasn't watched our daughter in over 7 months!) or doing anything selfless. She constantly calls asking if we can watch her kids (we have our own baby to raise and yet she expects my husband to finish raising his sisters ages 8 and 9).

So why does my mother in law think she's my mom? She called my mom and said that she'll raise me and my baby and throw her son out of the house (because we were living with her and she saw every fight we had. She thought my husband was beating me like her ex husband beat her). So now she thinks she needs to raise a twenty year old woman and her baby!

Answer 1

WOW!  You all need some distance from each other.  This is dysfunctional and it sounds like all of you are feeding off of it.

Answer 2

  She obviously has issues of her own. You need to stop focusing so much attention on her. There has to be separation. Stop doing her favors and put some distance between you, otherwise its going to negatively effect your relationship with your husband. If you keep letting her in your life in this way, then you are enabling her to act the way she does. Just put a little distance between your new family and her and see how things go after a few months. You should really also consider counseling, possibly through your church if you have one.

Answer 3

That's why people should wait pass their teenage years, till they are able to support their own family, and then get married and have babies!

As much as I love my MIL, I could never live with her and a baby..:(

Answer 4

I think you need to move closer to your family and leave his mother behind. FAR BEHIND. Give your mom a chance to see that your husband isn't a bad guy. Grandbabies melt the heart, your mom will come around.  

Answer 5

1. You need to get out from under this woman'ss roof and support your own family.

2. You need to contact your own family and regain a good relationship with them.

3. You need to limit your contact with your mother in law

By living with this woman you are letting her control you and cut you off from  your family, the only way you will regain control is if you move out of her house and not let her support you in anyway. You are a big girl, who was big enough to get married and have a baby you should be big enough to support yourself and your baby.  

Answer 6

First you'll need to sort things out with your mother, that will shut your mother-in-law up. Always work things out with your husband without involving either one of them. If your mothers are causing you stress, let them know their place in your life. You must not feel torn between your moms and your husband. You have a family now and that's what matters the most.

I think you need to take a stand cause obviously they both think you cant make right decisions on your own. You love your husband and no one has the right to make you feel guilty about making the choice to be with the one you love.

if your moms want to be a part of your life, they should accept you as you are. You have a child now, and you shouldn't have to worry about your child growing up surrounded by such negative energy.

Next thing, your child will be choosing which grandma they like the most. Its wrong and should be sorted out. Take charge. You are a grown woman now, they need to learn to accept that you can make responsible decisions.

Hope this helps. :)

Answer 7

You need to see a counselor.  Your having issues with both your parents and your husbands parents is too intense to handle on your own.

Good luck.

Answer 8

This is a Jerry Springer episode waiting to happen. Point blank: First, your parents are acting like children. You've chosen your mate. They should swallow their petty animosity out of respect for you. Second, your mother in law is a dangerous person. She is flinging her manipulation around with no remorse or care for yours or your child's welfare. Third, your husband is failing in his duty to you. He should have dealt with this situation long ago. It is HIS responsibility to deal with his mother, not yours.

As I see it, you have 2 choices: Take everyone to family counseling or take your child and leave. You have to fix this situation for your child's sake.