What is wrong with my poem? please tell me.?

Question

Cyber-drift

Drifted off again in cyberspace

But seems that so have they

I‘ve been sitting here typing

Had my say….

Then off looking at something

For who knows how long?

When I suddenly realize

You are gone!

I start another conversation

Actually 3 of them

And off I go to read a poem

And drift away again.

Drifting in and drifting out

No one seems to mind.

Am I just wasting time?

Time to waste and taste and savor

Pleasures for the senses

Let’s turn some music on.

I’m drifting out again.

Answer 1

ummmmmmmmmmmm...:-x idk. its kinda wierd but nice.parts of it you need to take out like

"actuall 3 of them" that part was weird but the rest was AWESOME!

Answer 2

I got lost after the second line. A poem has to make sense, but it can be deep at the same time.

Answer 3

well its a little bit confusing but its pretty good!

--i give it  thumbs up, hahahah!!

........and if u dont ming pls anser my question lol!!!=]

thanks!!

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 4

you lost me at the 2nd line :/

Answer 5

It is interesting play on words, but not a very interesting subject. There is nothing wrong with it, it just doesn't appeal to the masses

Answer 6

Nice quiet reflective poem.  I took the liberty of editing this to show you how removing some 'useless' words can actually enhance your thoughts.  Punctuation is the key to keep the reader following your flow.  

Drifted again in cyberspace

seems that so have they.

Been sitting here typing,

had my say….

then off looking at something,

who knows how long,

when I suddenly realize,

you are gone!

I start another conversation,

actually, three of them

and off I go to read a poem

and drift away again.

Drifting in…drifting out,

no one seems to mind.

Am I just wasting time,

time to waste, taste, savor,

pleasures for the senses.

Let’s turn some music on.

I’m drifting… again.

Answer 7

It is good to take time to savor the arts--poetry and music--and to express one's thoughts in poetry. "Pleasures for the senses."

You might consider tightening the poems up a bit, deleting unnecessary words like "actually" and "but," which lend no power to the poem. I would also suggest that you spell out all numbers.

I enjoy reading your poems and watching you develop as a poet.

Answer 8

I read this with much amusement...I do the same thing!  

You well worded poem is honest and true.  Very well done!

Answer 9

Keep it far more simpler,that implies what you actually do in first person dialog .Hope this helps ?

I Drifted off again in cyberspace

I drift off again & again and type words

that leave no trace

that leaves my thoughts in  confusion

on the page

even though I:m full of angst and haste

it sounds to me like a lot of waste

some people cant always see my taste

why does this always come down to fate

or is it that i missed my date

who was standing at the gate

with a top hat & a cigar

eating pate & fish fries on his plate

Answer 10

a poem is a reflection of yourself,

so in untechnicaly terms, its up to you whats wrong, and no can opinionate on it seeing that its your own work,

but if your talking about text book errors, a big one would be no stanzas!