What is wrong with not wanting to adopt a teenagere?

Question

I here on her all the time that PAP shouldn't do this or that because it is about the child's best interst. Which i agree with but the child won't have a home unless the PAP wants a child in the first place. People just don't randomly decided to adopt from foster care, or private adoption. They decided they want a child or another child and however they get to it adoption is the way they end up. So why can't the PAP request or want a baby or decided that they only want a girl or decided that a child that has this or that is handicap. The PAP still will provide the best home possible for the child they just have an idea of which child they want

My wife and i are adopting through foster (home study just complete) we have a bio child so we don't feel the need to have a baby but we still want a todler. There are lots of teens and no waiting if you want one but i am not ready to parent a teen. What is wrong with that ?

Answer 1

It sounds to me like the restrictions you have placed on the type of child you are able to parent are valid...they are in the CHILD'S best interest.  As long as your restrictions are based on the child's needs and not your own, I see no problem with it.

It would be irresponsible for someone to adopt a teenager if they're not READY to take care of a teenager.  Now, if someone is wanting to adopt a little girl because they're just so cuuuute and little boys are dirty and snotty...well, then that would be a problem.  Huge difference there.

Answer 2

I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Answer 3

Teens are hard, no doubt about it.  It is not just the "raising from birth".  As a previous foster parent, I have seen the issues (not problems!) that teens have, mostly struggles brought on from improper care in their formative and even school age years.  There is nothing wrong with not wanting a teen and god bless those who can do it.

As for baby and selection, the problem is too many aparents wanting baby and too many not getting them.  I also think, and this is just a personal opinon, is that those who already hvae kids or can conceive should not adopt babies, as those who cannot have children should get first preference.

Answer 4

just so you know i was a teen in foster care and was just adopted Tuesday.theres nothing wrong with me or any of my friends from foster care so i don't see a reason why there are so many parents that want to adopt that wont adopt teens thats sooo wrong

Answer 5

"So why can't the PAP request or want a baby or decided that they only want a girl or decided that a child that has this or that is handicap?"

because it's eugenics and consumerism.  and IMO, is counter to 'wanting to be a parent.'

preferences based on gender, age, race, and ability speaks more to the parent's desire and not the child's.

i find it amazing that we are so critical of biological parents who are gender selective or terminate due to a fetal deformity/genetic abnormality.  yet, find it perfectly acceptable for aparents to pick and choose the perfect child they want. parenting is about the CHILD, not the parent's romanticized view of the child they want.

teenagers are children. and grant it, they can be challenging. so can infants and so can toddlers, et al. but, if we are truly concerned about ensuring that all children are loved and have families;  to exclude an entire age group, or self-select based on gender pisses on that argument.  

what many really want to state is, "i want a baby, but i only want a particular type/make/model!"  ok, fine....i just wish these folks wouldn't come on here and ***** about having to wait 3...4...7 years and pay a gazillion dollars. that's all i'm saying.

ETA: i would like those who wish to blast teenage foster kids to read cassie's posting.

Answer 6

there's nothing wrong, per se, with wanting a young child, and it probably would be a lot easier on you.

i'm just out of my teen years myself, so i really feel sorry for the kids who lose out on their chance for adoption, cuz they're always a "little too old..."

Answer 7

A lot of people think those kids are trouble. Most of them didn't come from the best families.

Also, people want to raise a child from the beginning. Inforce their culture, traditions on them. It's harder to do that with an older child. They want to watch them grow up.

Answer 8

Many PAP's don't want older children because there is a higher risk they've been through things that can't be fixed. Example...Good friends of ours adopted a little girl from the sytem that was 9, they did a huge adoption shower for her the girl got everything any girl would dream of. Within a month she started acting out, burning thing, tearing up ALL of her new things, destroyed everything in her room she could. Her actions were getting out of hand and more....after the fact the AP's found out since the age of 3 not only was she forced to watch her parents and other engage in sexual activity she was forced to do it as well. That's just one experience but it's a common one and bringing a child who's been through things like that in your home, especially if you have other kids is putting everyone at risk for something to happen again. The child usually doesn't know any better that's what they grew up with...

   There's also the belief you shouldn't disrupt the birthorder if you have other kids. That any child you bring into the home should be younger then the youngest you already have.

   It's sad there are so many older kids out there who need homes and even sadder so few homes who will take them in before they get booted from the system at 18.

Answer 9

"So why can't the PAP request or want a baby or decided that they only want a girl or decided that a child that has this or that is handicap."

When I had my kids I don't remember being able to request a healthy girl or boy. I got what I got. That kinda makes me barf in the back of my throat to be honest.

As for not wanting a teen well different strokes for different folks I guess. Anyone adopting through foster care is a-ok in my books. I have taken teens into my home in the past and it was far from sunshine and roses but it was the best thing for the kids at the time.

Answer 10

teenagers are hard they need suppot, but you would have a babysitter.

Answer 11

I'm one of those pathetic 'designer babies'  I was a 2 day old girl...my parents wanted a baby girl and got one.  Shame on us, Shame on us.

I guess they're just terrible, awful people.  Sucks to be so blessed as I am...I'll just go eat worms.

Answer 12

nothing wrong with not wanting to at all. you cannot force yourself to want to do something that isn't in your heart. we are all wired differently and have different callings. it is all about the child. if you do not feel you can love them unconditionally and put them first, then by all means DO NOT TAKE THEM INTO YOUR HOME!

Answer 13

Uhhhh...nothing.