What is wrong with us i dont know what to do anymore ?

Question

my husband of 5 yrs is being such an *** yes we are in a tight spot lately with money and i give him suggestions on what we can do and then he goes and spends like its nothing nothing big but stuff adds up and im trying to keep to a tight budget yes i stay at home and he works so i understand its not the same he hardly ever works his full schedule out of ten days he averages eight sometimes seven and thats what makes our budget tight i dont know what to do im sick of arguing when i try to talk he walks away or just ignores me until i give up waiting for him to respond when he comes home he goes straight to sleep (he works graveyard) and he wakes up 2 or 3 hours before he has to leave. he doesnt spend any time with our daughter on his days off he sleeps or goes hangs out with his brother or if the brother is busy he sleeps when we are awake and gets up when we are ready to go to bed which isnt until 12 or so midnight im frusturated im worried. please dont even bother answering if you're going to say leave him i believe in our marriage and we a child so no. but other than that please any suggestions . btw ive tried the just let it roll off the back thing but how do you ignore a bad attitude for more than a day straight? talking hahaha yeah even if its a simple question like do you have any plans today i get a testy why a dirty look and then hear mumbling as he walks away ignoring him doesnt work cos it doesnt bother him i think he prefers it ive tried the whole mrs.cleaver routine but to no avail cant even ask him how was work cos he'll just get mad and say same old **** as always hes mad if my daughter and i are up when he gets home im at a loss he refuses to watch our kid if i get a job to help out i had a little under the table job a few years back and i would have to take her with me (i was lucky) even on his days off he wouldnt but he sure didnt mind the extra money im just tired of walking on eggshells when hes home i dont know....

Answer 1

There's nothing wrong with you. One of the number one things that couples fight over is money. Unfortunately your approach to talking to him about this may make him feel like he's not doing enough to take care of his family and that may be bruising his ego. I recommend that you both sit down and address the problems you feel need the most attention. This is not a blame session. Neither of you is to say that the other does something wrong. You need to communicate to each other what fears you have regarding money. Because of the money situation in our country right now it is very easy for things to get out of control. I know this because I'm living it. But being open and honest about what's going on is the first step to fixing the problem. Don't be afraid to seek outside help. Suze Orman has some great advice and books out there and locally there are people who can offer their input on correcting the situation.  

Answer 2

It's time to regain your own self worth and independance. This doesn't mean you leave him either. These are tough times and I'm sure he's under the gun and feels the whole world on his shoulders, and you are worried that there isn't enough money coming in and not sure how to fix that. It's time for you to get a job.  He's on nights that leaves the days free to watch your daughter while you work, even if it's only part time.  I know you;re thinking I like my situation at home and don't want to work and take time away from my daughter but I will tell you all of you will adapt to the new situation very easily and all of you will appreciate the extra money and you will feel extra special because it's a great feeling to do something constructive to help fix a problem rather than just make up budgets.

You'll become partners again and the home front will be a happy place for both of you to come home to.

Answer 3

You have to tell youre husband all of this.  Get him to sit down and have a conversation about this.

Answer 4

You can call Dr Phil?..

Ok now listen... This will be short and to the point...but you have to listen. (well, in this case read and pay attention)

You are living 2 lives in your home.  He has his life and you have your own.  Your life includes your daughter...his--not only does it not...but it also does not include you!  So.  Since there is a selection of answers that you do not want to hear...hear this.  You have to live your life (for awhile anyhow)...as though he is not apart of it.  What would you do?  If you were alone and had your daughter?  These questions are questions you have to ask yourself..and the answers you have to implement.  You have no other choice..except to wit and wallow in self pity that you are alone with your daughter...and your livein husband has an attitude anytime you have to deal with him.  Recommdations.

If you have any family around...get with them.  Ask them to help you resolved your babysitting issues.

Then  you must decide if it is school or the job market that you are going to get into.

Then do one or the other.  Get a car...get a job...get your own bankbook...and get a life.

He's not going to care one way or the other, until you start to bring home paychecks and he doesn't get any part of them.

Once that happens...you will be on more equal terms to have discussions about your "combined" futures.  But until you get some barganing chips...you are SOL.  I feel for you dear...I really do..you have a bunch of choices that you have to step up to the plate and make.  Just see to it, that you make them.  It's all in your lap now.  Im sorry if any of this sounds mean or hateful...Its not dear...its true, real life and it sucks.  But it happens everywhere...all the time...generation after another.  If most sorry that he is missing out on his daughter's life.  She will remember this, and it'll affect her in ways that we can't imagine.  

On the flip side of this coin, in defense of his actions.....hmmm....well...I can't find any!

Answer 5

Try to talk him into looking for another job or if he likes his current job he can try and ask for a different shift so he can spend more time with you.

Answer 6

maybe just sit him down and let HIM do all the talking. say something like listen "babe, it seems like there is something bothering you. i don't want you to be upset with me, i just want to know what i can do to help you. i feel like i'm walking on eggshells around you. I don't know what the problem is, but whatever it may be i love you and want our marriage to work, so please, tell me what it is that i need to do for you, so you aren't so angry all the time." not that it has to all be on you, just make him think it is or something, and maybe it will get him to open up and tell you what is bothering him if you approach him in a loving way and not accusatory. not that you are already, but maybe it seems that way to him or something