What is your best joke??

Question

What is your best joke??

Answer 1

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there he tells St. Peter he wants to build a house to share with his wife when she gets to heaven. St. Peter says he will see what he can do.

So, 40 years later St. Peter tells the man the house is ready. The next day his wife dies and they move in. A week after they move in, the man goes back to St. Peter and says he can't stand his wife and he wants a divorce.

St. Peter: No, you have to stay married forever.

Man: Why?



St. Peter: It took us nearly 40 years to get a contractor up here to build your house. It will take an eternity to get a divorce lawyer.

Answer 2

Why did the orange stop running?

----

Because it ran out of juice!

Answer 3

Where do orphan chickens go? Foster Farms.

Answer 4

Once upon a time, there was born to a childless family a beautiful baby boy -head.

The baby boy head grew up, with all the normal bumps and bruises...+ few.

He played ball with the dog... actually, the dog played with him -as the ball... but oh well.

Any way, the beautiful little boy head would pray fervently, each and every night, the God would grant his 1 and only wish..to have a body to hold up his head...

Any way..1 bright and bountiful day, the beautiful baby boy head woke up to find that his constant prayer had been answered.....the beautiful baby boy head, did indeed have a body.

He was over joyed. He jumped and ran. He did flips on the bed and danced for joy...

when it was time for school, the beautiful baby boy head-with new body, races off to catch the school bus... he’s sooooooo happy, that when the bus stops at the school, the beautiful baby boy head-with new body runs past every1 and jumps out to the street 1st

only to be hit by an oncoming car

the moral of this story....

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Answer 5

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Yah

Yah Who? (yahoo)

I prefer google

that not my best joke

Answer 6

ther are 2 guys working at an airport in new york. they are named fred and joe. that day is joe's birthdays but since neither of them can afford beer thay don't know how to celebrate. then fred comes up with an idea, he says "hey joe, i've heard that airplane fuel tastes just as good as beer and u don't even get a hangover from it." so fred and joe stole some jet fuel and celebrated for the whole night. the next morning joe gets a call from fred, fred says, "joe, i hope u had a great time last night, i'm just calling with a word of warning: DON'T f**t!" joe says, "what the hack are u talking about?!" fred answers saying, "i'm calling from los angeles!"

Answer 7

Why do we boil water when a baby is born? If it comes out dead, you can make soup.

Answer 8

Your momma so FAT, I asked her to say her ABC's, she said "Oh I don't know my ABC's, but I know my KFC's."

Answer 9

Most people use 10% of the brain.  I use 20%.  The extra 10% to keep the first 10% working.

Answer 10

you are so pour i walked into ur house using the front dore and ended up in the back yard ///ur so pour u have to color a pic to watch tv ahahahahahahahahhahaaaaaaa

Answer 11

what has 10000000 legs and 4 pubic hairs? a hannah montana concert lol

Answer 12

The Buttocks

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the

Husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body  because he was too skinny.

So the wife offered to donate  some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they  would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they  requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was  completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face.

             He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful  beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was

            Overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, 'Dear,  I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.

            How can I possibly repay you?'

            'My darling,' she replied,

            'I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.'

Answer 13

did you hear about the twin witches, neither of them new which one was witch.

Answer 14

Okay there are 3 guys and they get stranded on a foreign island. There is a tribe there who captures the three guys. The leader tells them he will let them go, if they go into the jungle, each of them find a fruit to do something of his desire. He said but he didn't want only one, he wanted 10 of them. So they venture off into the jungle. When they returned they were informed they needed to shove them up their *** without making any noise/gestures. If they failed, they would be be headed.  The first guy comes back with 10 apples. He gets one in okay, but on the second one he screams in pain. -KACHING- off with his head. The second guy comes along with 10 cherries. 1, 2 3 .. 6, 7... BAHAHAHA! -Kaching- off with his head. The first two guys meat up in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, whyd you laugh you had 10 cherries you could have made it!? And the second guy replies, "I saw the third guy coming with pineapples!!!!"

Answer 15

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had s*x with each of them three

times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins?'

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'

happyjam you made me gag ewwwwwwwwwwwwww lol?

Answer 16

I wrote your name on sand, it got washed

I wrote your name in air, it was blown away, then

I wrote your name on my heart and I got heart attack.

God saw me hungry, He created pizza

He saw me thirsty, He created Pepsi

He saw me in the dark, He created light

He saw me without problems, He created YOU.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

You should know what you are

And once you know what you are

Mental hospital is not so far.

The rain makes all things beautiful,

The grass and flowers too

If rain makes all things beautiful,

Why doesn't it rain on you?

Roses are red, violets are blue

Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo

Don't feel so angry you will find me there too

Not in cage but laughing at you,

When your life is in the darkness,

Pray to God ask Him to free you from the darkness,

And if after you pray and you are still in the darkness,

Please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL!!!

Answer 17

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having s*x on a bench.

The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes."

The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having s*x. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes."

The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?"

She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."