What is your definition of an overprotective parent?

Question

Do you think overprotective parents are really protecting their kids or being a slave to their own anxieties about parenting?

Answer 1

My mom was over protective as a slave to her own anxieties.  But, I dont blame her now that i know why.

Growing up, I was always the odd one out because I wasnt allowed to do this or that.  In 7th grade I was banned from going to football games because she saw a couple of high school kids sneak off to the next field to smoke pot...   Forget that you could get a contact buzz walking through the halls during school and i wasnt doing drugs.

Then when she got married it got worse.  I was an only child.  My step dad was the youngest of 6.  He grew up not being allowed on the phone, didnt have computer and wasnt allowed to do anything.  I was allowed to be on the phone, allowed on the computer, did my own laundery, cooked my own food (as a hobby, I love baking). At 15 I suddenly was not allowed on the phone for more than 10 mins at a time, not allowed on the computer by myself, and certainly not allowed to touch the stove or washer/dryer.

Then, I wasnt allowed to go out with friends without them meeting my friend and their parents.  Which is reasonable, except we lived out in the middle of nowhere.  My friends didnt have cars/couldnt drive/had cerfews so coming to get me and taking me home when I lived 30 mins away from everyone and everything wasnt much of an option, and my mom was never interested in taking me to meet them.

When I was 18 and allowed to drive, my miles were calculated and I was not allowed to go over 2 miles of my daily alloted milage based on what I had to do that day.  I went over that looking for a parking space at my college.

And despite I had a full scholarship to any school within my state, and near full to a couple other places, I wasnt allowed to even apply to any other school except the one in our hometown (which was a major university, but not where I wanted to go) and I had to live at home.  When I said I wanted to go somewhere else, they said that if I did, they would cut me off and never help me again.  They forced me to stay home.

That doesnt even begin to cover it, and I know it sounds like a selfish brat wanting to do everything, but I was never allowed to do anything.  I began lieing about everything I was doing, sneaking out, and all kinds of other c**p.

What I found out later on, is that my mom was raped at a college party.  In fact, I was conceived by that rape.   She was previously a virgin.  I had suspected for a long time, because there is a lot of secrecy surrounding her pregnancy, and the family didnt know until the day she went into labor.

But now knowing what happened to her puts all of her over protectivness into perspective.  And while I still dont like it, I understand it and have forgiven her for it.

Answer 2

To me, an overprotective parent works off their own fears and anxiety to the extent of not allowing their child to learn experiences. This is not to say that a parent who protects their child from their own fears is 'overprotect'- the key here is that they are so tightly guarding their child, that child cannot grow up.

With my son, as long as he can't hurt himself or others, I allow him to explore. We don't get upset over things if they get broken on accident, or something spills.

Answer 3

Both..I have 4 and I say both. You want to protect your kids but at the same time you go too far because you either remember something you did as a kid yourself or you fear you will fail as a parent

Answer 4

No. Being too overprotective will only influence your child to try more and more things when they are out on their own and have freedom.  Imagine a HS girl that has been sheltered not really allowed to socialize...once she hits college...she loses her mind.

Answer 5

My childrens grandma is extremly over protective... when my 10 yr old goes for a visit she uses baby wipes on his behind to protect his skin... he cant go outside for fear he will get darker and get mosquito bit ... he just went thru a stage of poison ivy he picked up after climbing a fence at the st louis zoo and she refuses to let him outside cause he will get it again if he touches the grass... we are not over protective of our kids we let them go outside and they learn by trial and error... what my boys grandparents have done is turn my son into a giant baby when he is over there.  she dresses him and gives him a bath and feeds him on command... what ever he wants he eats and gets at anytime day or night... NOT HERE HE EATS WHEN WE DO...

Answer 6

Parents anxieties definetly play a role in it if a parent is overprotective but there are several other factors that come into play as well such as the way a person was raised themselves, things a person did when they grew up and don't want their own children to do them etc.....

An overprotective parent usually pushes their child away.

I was raised by an overbearing parent.....there is a difference. Growing up my aunt and uncle were overprotective with their children and went too far a lot of time. Their children were not allowed to suck on candy because they thought they would choke. They also weren't allowed to eat popcorn because they would choke. Even when they were old enough to do so. And the list goes on and on. This type of overprotectiveness only leads to fear.

Answer 7

I think that overprotective parents are, as you point out, being slaves to their own anxieties about parenting. They see everything as potentially dangerous, and thus preventing their children from exploring the world around them. This is unfair, as it prevents the child from growing up and becoming independent people. It also make them more likely to devlop insecurities about their own abilities, and to look for relationships in which they are the dependent partner ( if they can start a relationship at all, as their insecurities will be likely to deter people from goint out with them). I think parents should learn to relax and enjoy rearing their children!! Their children will thank them for it later!!!

Answer 8

I am def. wayyy to over protective and I know this sometimes things my husband and I do seem excessive to other parents but we have our reasons and our kids are happy..........but there is a downside side to this and I will be honest about it............when you protect your child from everything, you build this wall up and they tend to be more on the immature level when you compare them to other kids, now I'm not being mean by saying my kids are immature, they just are not as expossed as some kids they have as friends if that makes sense........and I try real hard to let go here and there, but all the stories you hear and see in the media make it hard.  It's a personal choice and I am willing to let my kids be a little less worldly if you will to keep them safe and with young minds till I can't any longer....kids seem to grow up and learn things they shouldn't way to fast these days, I am proud that I do not contribute to this!