What is your favorite George Carlin quote?

Question

I like

"Hockey is ice skating, playing with a puck, and beating the s*** outta someone at the same time!"

"HEY GUYS, GUESS WHAT?!?!? Keep on readin'! How are you? I hope you are fine. I am NOT fine!"

"AND THE SKY FILLED UP WITH GREEN S***!!!"

"I'm getting really sick of guys named Todd!"

"Hi Tucker. I'm Todd. HI TODD! I'M TUCKER!"

Answer 1

If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work.

Answer 2

Fighting for peace is like s******g for virginity.

George Carlin

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

George Carlin

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

George Carlin

Answer 3

"If I am making any of this up may God strike this audience dead.... Alright I'll raise the stakes a bit may he strike me dead."

You see it's funny because he died (not sure how long) after he said that.

Answer 4

"She was just a w***e but she had the prettiest face I ever came across."

Answer 5

Several of my favorites:

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.