What is your favorite (joke) line from your favorite comedian? *?

Question

What is your favorite (joke) line from your favorite comedian? *?

Answer 1

Joke by David Spade:

Three guys were sitting around talking about gifts they bought for their wives.

Guy1: "I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 120 in 4 seconds."

Guy2&3: "What was it?"

Guy1: "A Corvette."

Guy2: "Well I bought my wife something that goes 0 to 180 in 3 seconds."

Guy1&3: "What was it?"

Guy2: "A Porsche."

Guy3: "Well I got my wife something that goes 0 to 350 in 1 second!"

Guy1&2: "What was it?"

Guy3: "A scale."

Answer 2

One of Jim Carey's lines in the movie Ace Ventura Pet Detective always stuck with me since I seen it as a kid and cracks me up every time I think of it:

In the scene he was looking in the side view mirror of his car at a real beastly and angry looking guy who was chasing him with a bat to get his dog that didn't originally belong to him back, and Ace as if he's reading his line off the mirror says:

" WARNING!! a******s are closer than they aPPEAR!!" lmfao

It's funny to me because usually on the side view mirror of a car in fine print it warns that objects are actually closer than they appear in the mirror. And it sometimes reminds me of that scene. Especially when it shows the reflection of someone who really is an a*****e. It makes me want to thoroughly imitate it. lol So I just thought it was hilarious.

Answer 3

" Looks like Chuck is taking the skin boat to tuna town"  Burgess Meredith in Grumpy old men.

Answer 4

Tonight's forecast.....dark

Answer 5

"Well ya know Jane, it's always somethin' " ....Roseann Roseannadanna...the late Gilda Radner...

Answer 6

Judge: Either you adopt this little girl and be a foster mom or go to prison

Madea: I'll take prison for $200 Alex

lol

Answer 7

everything that comes out of Dane Cooks mouth...