What is your opinion about this rule for a 20 year old going to college and working?

Question

My dad has made a contract of a bunch of rules to be followed.

1. Curfew (Sunday thru Thursday nights) is 10:00 p.m until 6:00 a.m. next morning. Weekend (Friday and Saturday nights) curfew is 1:00 a.m until 6:00 a.m. next morning. Any later/earlier must be approved by Dad. There will be no overnight stays inside/outside the home with any male individual. Overnight stays with female friends inside/outside the home will be determined on a case-by-case basis. At a minimum, Dad must meet the friend, be given information as to their living arrangements (apartment with roommates, single, or with parents for example) and discussion of sufficient specifics of the visit will determine whether you will be permitted to stay over or not. You are expected to remain in our house after dark; this includes no walking the dogs during hours of darkness (except with permission, but normally not later than 8:00p.m.).

I am 20 years old paying my own way through school and working part-time. I do have a boyfriend. My dad says he likes him. I just would like some parents opinions on this. My mother (they are divorced and I have lived with her more throughout my life) thinks that this is a little over the top.

Answer 1

Your 20 you don't need any rules coming from your parents. My brother's almost 22 and he stopped having rules when he turned 18. I mean he had to respectful but he didn't have a curfew or anything like that. I think at 18 curfews, parents having to meet friends, ect. dont need to exsist...

Answer 2

I'm not sure why you would be listening to your father if he doesn't pay for anything and you haven't lived there for so long?

Answer 3

What !!! you are 20 this is way over the top. Where do you live? Personally i would live with my mum or move out if my dad had tried this.  You are a adult!

Answer 4

I am not a parent but I think your dad is concered and wants to protect u!  That is probably how my dad will react when I turn 20 and go off 2 college!

Answer 5

What it comes down to is if you don't like it move out...its his house you are living there for free or atleast cheap I'm sure.

I moved out when I was 2 weeks away from 19. Mostly because of my parents crazy rules like this too. And ever since they have begged me to come home. Maybe look into finding an apartment with friends most 1 bed rooms are under 500 a month.

GOOD LUCK

Answer 6

Do you live in his house? If so, you follow his rules.  If you don't like it, move out and pay your own way.

Edit:  Do you pay the mortgage?  How about electric and water?  You buy all of your own food, your dad doesn't supply anything?  Do you watch TV while your home?  Do you pay for the cable bill?  What about the Internet services?

Edit2:I have no problems with this rule.  I wouldn't want my kids stumbling in late on a week night either.  I have work and things to do and I don't need to be waken because you cannot come in at a decent hour.  Same opinion for the weekend rule.  What is there that you could be doing past 1a.m. anyways?  

No over night stays with guys, sounds reasonable to me.  Why?   You should be focusing on school, not guys.

Staying over at friends and having friends over.  Sure, if I don't like someone they aren't staying the night in my house.  He wants to know where you are going to be.  Fine, he's a dad that is what they do.

Staying in after dark-wouldn't this rule conflict with the time frames given for curfew?  Maybe he's talking about wondering around the neighborhood at night.  No matter how "safe" your neighborhood may be, grown women still get snatched off the street.  

Sure, you are an adult but you seem a little upset by some of the answers you have recieved.  It's his house, so follow his rules.  I wish I would have had your opportunity to not have to pay for room and board (and everything else) while going to college.  

Just an FYI.  If you do choose to move out.  You'll need to get more than a part time job to be able to afford rent, utilities and have money for food.  You will hardly have time to actually go out because your free time will be toward studying and sleep.  

Good Luck hun.

Answer 7

That is overboard. You sound like a responsible adult. You say that you don't rely on your dad, but you still live with him. Can you not afford a place on your own/with a roomate? If you still want to live at home you need to have a discussion with him, let him know you pay half the bills, pay your way through school and have a job- so you expect to be treated as an equal not a child living at home.

Answer 8

well, you are living in his house so you do need to follow his rules. But i would not sign a contract. Your 20! move in with your boyfriend!  

Answer 9

I think that's over the top too. You're 20 and already an adult.  

Answer 10

Why don't you just move out?  If you are already paying for everything then I don't get it.  That is what I would do.  You need the freedom to live and enjoy college.  Is your Dad ex military b/c those are some strict rules for a 20 year old adult?

Answer 11

Unfortunately, if you're living under his roof he has every right to put forth rules and boundaries.

The only thing you can do is try to talk to him and maybe he will relent, at least  a little bit.

Answer 12

How is your curfew both '10 PM' and 'after dark'? It gets dark out at about 5:30 PM during the winter - do you really want to be that limited? Or is it that you can't go *walking* outside after dark? I can understand the concern they might have about you being out alone after dark - he does sound sort of overprotective. 10 PM sounds a bit early, but my job goes late by its very nature, so it's not uncommon for me to come home from work well past 11, or even after midnight on a couple occasions. Heck, I even had a class that went until 10 PM one night... so talk to your dad about making it more flexible - ie, 10 PM or you go straight home from class or work if they're late, and you can go outside after dark if there's another person with you.

Or, just rent an apartment with a friend, staying in the state that you're living in currently, so you'll still get the in-state tuition, because you're only required to live in the state, not with your parents, to get the in-state tuition (at least in my state, and every other one I've heard of).

Answer 13

20 year olds are not dependant adolescents [to me]. I find it hard to believe 18 year olds are dependant adolescents either.

I think that rule is fine. Past the age of 17, and you are an adult by law. I don't think it's "compassionate" or "nice" of your parents ..... but it's 100% reasonable.

You aren't a dependant teenager. You are an adult.

Answer 14

His house, his rules. Doesn't matter if his rules are nuts or not.

Don't like it? Think he's treating you like a kid? Move out and be an adult==> that is, support yourself and stop relying on daddy.

If you're under his roof and not paying the fair market value worth of rent and ultilities, buy all your own food, pay your own car expenses and phone and cable.....yes, you're still relying on him.

Unless you have your own place and take not one cent from him, you can't call yourself independent.

Answer 15

He needs to lighten up. Those sound more like rules for a 16 year-old. My husband would not let his kids out after dark unless they were going somewhere with an adult, but once they turned 18 they were on their own.