What is your opinion on my first moderately successful poem?

Question

Love's Ashes

Abandonment, the isolation in itself is some kind of monster

A mangled mind and confusion knocks one to it's knees

The fine threadwork weaved through time is torn to pieces

And just like the heart, is ripped asunder

Love's false securities imbed the soul, hesitating to leave

Vague traces of phrases and faces halt and assault

Like silhouette's in each other's shadow,

Those sunken bright eyes unseeing and all knowing

Dissolving all that was built with an acid smile

The decline of hope suggesting nothing but persistence

Groundlessness, the only feeling, listens

Expectance of permanence in truth is delusion

Solidified by misconception and wishful thinking

And in turning about, one leaves all of love's ashes behind

~ S. Fisher

Answer 1

very intense... very well written i like it a lot. great job :)

Answer 2

"Vague traces of phrases and faces halt and assault

Like silhouette's in each other's shadow"

I actually had to stop and reread this several times just to enjoy the beauty of the phrasing!

I am extremely appreciative of the beat of this poem.  Seems to me that it should be read aloud. Kudos!

Answer 3

Do you have to sound totally g*y to be a poet?  

Answer 4

I slugged myself in the gut after reading this aloud.  I sounded soooo g*y.

Answer 5

i really like this.

it's really good. =]

Answer 6

vertical smiles eating their way to my core

loves stains on the bed and floor

is that blood?

is it you that I tore?

Is that what you call a score?

nevermore nevermore nevermore

I think I need to go to the store.

Answer 7

That was wonderful. Lovely poem. Nice work!

I think your best strenght is your amazing word choice. They're all very vivid, something that poets really need in their poems.

Your words were structured beautifully. And I loved how you added literary devices to make your poem flowing.

My advice for you is to start your poem a better way. Some readers seem to lose the flow of the poem at the introduction. You should start off the poem with a introduction involving the title (love's ashes.)

Hope I helped. Great poem! =D