What is your relationship like now with your grown step children?

Question

I'm talking about ones that came to visit and never lived with you. Did the one that one child that hated you still hate you into adulthood? Was all you did for them completely a waste of your time? Do they act distant still because their biological mother taught them to hate you? I'm a step-mom who struggles with trying to make this thing work. Any suggestions would be great (bad or good).

Answer 1

Non existent, thank goodness I feel every minute spent with him was indeed a waste of my time, you would think when they were grown up they could think for themselves.

Answer 2

I married my husband when he had full custody of his (then) 5 year old son. The boy is 18 years old now and is in college.

Yes, I believe I did everything I possibly could to make him feel like part of the family.

Yes, his mom told him (at 5 years old) that I caused the break up. Even though this was not true, my husband and I thought he was still too young then to know the truth. Then, at 12 years old, he asked again. We told him the TRUTH. But I guess it was too late as he now believes his mom's version. With hindsight, we should have just blurted out the truth much, much earlier.

At 13 his mom insisted that he NOT stay with us. Even though he should legally stay with us, it was pointless to insist. He would cause all kinds of drama when my husband said he had to stay put with us. So he stayed with mom-in-law during the week and his own mom at weekends.( Please note that his mom didn't even want her son with her. That gives you a clue as to her character). My husband hardly saw him bcos he works till late at nights and all week.

The boy hates us and is nice to my husband ONLY when he wants something i.e cash, new cell phone, MP3 player etc..

He doesn't even call my husband, wish him happy birthday or happy father's day....

My advise: Just be yourself. Let your husband handle them. At this stage, whatever we do (or don't do) would not make a difference. Just be cordial. I think deep down my step-son knows that I treated him well all these years. My conscience is clear. I have children of my own now.

BTW, in case you're wondering....she left him for another WOMAN. Maybe that's why she's telling everyone I caused the break up.

Answer 3

I get along with them brilliantly.  They have always treated our home as their home as well as their mother's house.  They have always felt comfortable enough to come and stay if they needed somehwere to go.  The 34 year old has just moved back in for a while until he decides where he wants to live and what he wants to do.  All of them just feel comfortable and we treat them as the 'offspring' even though they arent mine biologically.  They all get along with the daughter their father and I had and consider themselves just brothers and sisters and wont use the step-sister tag at all.

They have all just gone off on holiday together with my husband and his now current partner.  Their mother is our daughters god mother.

Its how you bring them up.  Be seen to be getting on with everyone and no blame and no bad mouthing and make them feel welcome no matter what home they are in and it has all seemed to work for us.

They are now 34 going on 35, 33, 31 and almost 18.

Answer 4

When I was 8 yrs old my mom moved up north and moved in with a new man.  He was the only man in her life after her and my dad separated.  Anyway, I didn't really care for this new guy, I don't know why, I just didn't.  He never liked my boyfriends.  But now that time has past, (32 yrs), I know he was my "Dad".  Out of the combined 6 kids he cared for, I was the only one to get a job at the same place he worked.  I wouldn't have gotten my first car loan if not for him.  He was always there for me.  Sadly  he has past away 2 yrs now and this is making me cry now because I love him so much still.  I think he was more of a dad to me than my mother is a mom, if that makes any sense.

Answer 5

My little sister and my step father really had a rough time getting along. My sister was absolutely terrible, and he did everything he could to put his foot down and be a father-figure, but she didn't let him. He continued to tell her he loved her as if she was his daughter, and she continued to tell him she hated him...for years and years. She's now 20, and they're extremely close. She ended up getting pregnant her senior year of highschool, and I think she expected him to give up on her for once, when he didn't I think her opinions totally changed & she definitely looks at him as a father (our father wasn't there at all, but he always told us we should hate our step dad) Anyways, that's not exactly the perspective you were looking for...but just be continually being there for my sister & not giving up on her...she finally came around & loves him very very much.