What is your suggestion to corral a 9 year old who is just beginning to be disrespectful.?

Question

What is your suggestion to corral a 9 year old who is just beginning to be disrespectful.?

Answer 1

Try to remember what puberty was like yourself or read up on the subject.

Answer 2

I would explain to the kid what they did wrong, and how you would like them to respond.  And then explain the consequences - loss of toys, or phone / internet privileges, or sleepovers, or whatever it takes.  Set a schedule - each offense means the loss of one item for a day.  The 2nd offense means the loss for 3 days, and then for a week, and so on.  And then follow up on it when she does cross the line.  If you don't, the kid will know that you don't mean what you say, and he/she will run all over you.  

And then the hard part comes.  

YOU have to lead by example.  

YOU have to be respectful of other people, too.  

YOU have to follow your own rules.

If you violate your own rule, you're teaching him / her that they only have to do this for a little while, but once they're older, it's OK to be disrespectful again.

Answer 3

Explain what your expectations are.  I say to my children, "I would rather be spoken to respectfully.  Please try that again."  Sometimes, I have to say the words for them, in the tone I want them, so they can repeat them.  Then I thank them for speaking politely to me.

This requires a lot of patience from the parent, but it works far better than responding back negatively.  It is part of a parent's job to demonstrate how to do things--whether that's using the potty when the child is two, driving the car when the child is sixteen, or speaking respectfully when the child is tempted to test the boundaries at nine.

Remember--testing the boundaries is a child's job!  S/he is trying to find the limits.  Give your child reasonable limits.  Start with tight limits, so that you have space to expand as the child grows older.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I would tell her that you are dissapointed in her.

and stare deep into her eyes and with a deep voice say "whatch your mouth!"

i remember it got me to shut up in an instant and made me feel sad that i had made my mum disapointed.

i hope everything goes well.

Answer 5

It starts earlier than that. The child is only applying what they have seen at home. Who is the first to disrespect? You or your husband. Children are little tape recorders, they play back what they see and hear every day. I personally recommend the laying on of hands. A well placed swat on the seat will do wonders. Yes, I'm a grandparent, yes, I grew up in the 50's and 60's, we did not speak to our parents or grandparents in disrespectful tones. Teach your children well. Do not let the state raise your children. Remember you're the adult, don't let your child threaten you with calling child services. Remind them that if they do, they have to go with the person they called. Harsh but real.

Answer 6

I get my breathy disappointed voice and exclaim, "Johnny, is that how you talk to your Mother?"  Almost immediately they smarten up and restate whatever it is they were saying in both a better tone and with better language.