What is your worth to your friends?

Question

Leeanna’s Song

By C.S. Scotkin

I need to tell you

of your worth.

This earth will be a poorer sphere

when your leaving day is come.

Your words have been truth

your vision

has clarity, crystalline sight.

Banality, now heaven.

Your ears always hear,

always attuned,

hear perfect pitch with discernment,

focused attention on all.

Expanded my world

long ago.

Love, friendship cemented that day

shall last, till we both are gone...

Answer 1

I hope it is just this.

Very nice!

Answer 2

That`s very lovely!

Answer 3

There is a pretty sentiment in this poem. I did enjoy reading it:

There are a few areas you could choose to tighten if you wished (purely my opinion):

S1: You have a great opening line, and I like the internal rhyme you have going on.

S2: I know you want to go with a 4-line structure so this suggestion might cause you to have to add another line. Consider compressing the ideas:

Your words have been truth

your vision crystalline

Of course this would necessitate a new L3, and while I can see what you're getting at in L4 it changes up the tone you're setting. You may want to smooth it out a bit.

S3: You seem to use hear and attuned quite a bit. Consider this type of change:

Your ears always attuned

hear perfect pitch

with discenment

focused attention on all.

S4: Long ago may not have the power to sit on its own line. Again nice sentiment. You may want to rearrange it and add to L2. One interesting thing you could do for a line break would be:

Expanded my world long

ago (and than figure out something to add here).

The interplay between expanded and long on the same line is interesting.

Love and friendship might be better replaced with an encapsulating image.

I know that's a lot, but it's a good poem and worth the time to comment. I hope some of this was helpful. If it wasn't please ignore.