What issues come up with interracial adoption of older children?

Question

My question is aimed mostly at parents who have adopted interracially.

I am wondering about the issues that most people don't think about.

Answer 1

It shouldnt really matter what race the child is, my second cousin is mixed (caucasian and eskimo) and my mom is planning on taking her in until shes finished with school and ready 2 get a place of her own. I'm from a family who had mixed children (mainly caucasian/eskimo and caucasian/native american) so as i said, it really shouldnt matter.

Answer 2

It's very obvious that mommy and daddy don't look like the child.

They can be teased by other children.

Rude people asking you why you have a child that isn't yours.

Answer 3

Ok, so you want the issues that most people don't necessarily think about.....

For one, the attention you get.  You become a public family. Everywhere you go, you are the object of curiosity for strangers.  At first, it might seem neat--- all that attention showered on my new child.  But it gets old fast.  And for your child, it may become very tiresome.  Annoying.  A pain.  You just want to blend in -- be like everyone else.  You learn to ignore the looks by pretending you don't see them, even though you do.

Secondly, the resentment.  Mostly by people of the same race.ethnicity as your child.  You have "taken" them from their race, some might think.  Or, you have married a person of your child's race, which might irritate some, because you have taken an eligible man/woman from their race/ethnicity, when they assume your mate is of your child's race.  This is not a frequent issue, but has come up with many families.  .

Thirdly, you child will have been asked "Is THAT your Mom (or Dad) at least a million times by the time they are 12!  They may or may not like it, but I would say many do not.

Now, are these reasons to not adopt transracially, or not to become a multi-racial family?  Certainly not!  But it's not for the faint of heart!  You become an advocate for an entire race (all races, actually) and have to learn great boundaries in order to keep your child's birth information for him/her, and not a story to tell curious bystanders -- for your child's sake!

Answer 4

my husband and i are white and we adopted a black child, as a newborn. Our families are both completely accepting and always have been. One thing is, it will alwys be completely obvious to everyone that your child was adopted. This is no big deal in itself but, it isn't true at all if the child is of the same race as the parents. So it becomes something that efveryone knows about your child and your family. This could be something the child isn't always pleased about. Many children who are adopted can share this news when and if they choose to and lotherwise not at all. It wouldn't be that way with a child of a different race.

Also, I would consider the state and community you live in. Some towns have lots of internationally adopted kids and other families froma ll parts of the world or are just racially diverse. Other towns are primarily white or even mya be exclusively white. It would be much harder for a multiracial child to grow up in a community where everyone is white and the child is not, and even his parents are white.

Our son is 11 years old and has not really had any issues with his race as of yet. All the experts I know of have told us he will definitely go through dealing with the race issue in his life, probably beginning in adolescence. If you adopt a child of the same race as you, then the issue is nonexistent.

I also know that no matter how sensitive I think I am, I will never understand how my son feels about being black, and about being different looking from his family. When he was about 4 years old, he used to talk about wanting blue eyes. (the rest of us have blue eyes) It didn't turn into an "issue" but, he definitely knew he had eyes that didn't look like ours.

There are lots of books for you to read. One is called, "Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria." It really brings up issues about race that most white people never think about.

ANother thing is that it is clear that our son needs to have roll models in his life that do look like him. Everyone says so and I agree. Will you be able to provide people for him to be able to use as roll models, who are of his race?

Good luck. Also you may want to think about why it is that you want to adopt a child who is interracial.

Answer 5

Congratulations on your decision to adopt and you are definately doing the right thing by reseaching. Know first of all that regardless of some of the negative consequences that almost all of the research shows that your child will be better off adopted than in an orphanage, foster home, or institution. Also, that the earlier the adoption occurs, the better it is for the child. (This counters the argument that waiting years for a same race family is better for the child).

Identity issues will happen. Children start to recognize racial differences as young as 3 and to feel "different" from their families. Different to children usually means worse. So it is important that they see and interact with others of their own race. I realize that this can be difficult depending on what race the child is. But search on the net for families who have adopted Chinese girls, for example, in your state. Get together for play dates once a month perhaps.  Also, show respect for ALL races and cultures and do not tolerate any racism in your presence. If the child is biracial, do not play up the White part.

Many times the child has trouble fitting in as an adolescent. They look whatever their race is but they behave White. Many African American transracial adoptees are excluded by their peers because they talk White and their peers feel that they are being s****..  Adoptees will also experience racism. Do not deny the racism or only tell them to ignore it. They need to learn coping techniques and when to fight or walk away.  

Older child adoption comes with a whole other set of issues.  If they are from another country, language aquistion can be a huge problem. Older children also have expectations and as a result may try to goad you into behaviors. (Like they were abused, so they just want you to hit them already and fulfill their expectations.)

Good reading about adoptions is anything by David Brodzinsky. Rita Simon and cohorts writes extensively about transracial adoptions. Good luck.

Answer 6

When they get to the age for dating and looking for a mate it is hard if their skin is a complete different color as the parents of their dates or of the person they want to marry may have a problem.

  I've seen this several times among my friends and aquaintances.  Toddlerhood and childhood is fine,  but dating can be very traumatic.  Usually thier peer group see them as the same and equal.  They've all gone to school together, and the friends don't see the differences.  But the other parents do.   That's where the pain can come in.

Maybe plan for a mutil cultural college?

Answer 7

I was adopted in an interracial adoption.  I encourage you to never stand for any of your family members excluding the adopted child.  It's wrong.  You need to stand up for your child.  You can't dictate that the family member invite them but you must tell them "it's wrong that you don't invite X but you invite Y."  

In my case I know my mother has no backbone.  She could tell me no all day long but she'd never tell her sister to not treat me a certain way.  

I encourage you to be open and listen to how your child feels.  They will pick up on things that you don't or can't see.  Just acknowledge your child's feelings.  Don't tell your child "No, X doesn't think that way."  or "X didn't mean that."  

Your child may be teased by other people or other people may assume that your child isn't your child.  You need to always stand up and say "This is my child."  Nothing irks me like a waiter or asks on Mother's day "Are any of you a mother."  I make it a point to say "she's MY/OUR mother." People say whatever comes into mind.  Not all peopel who make ignorant comments are racist but they are ill informed.  Good luck!!  You're going to need it.

Answer 8

boy, thats a loaded question!! first off, my ex and i adopted 3 children after having five of our own. the boys were biological half-brothers and of a different race than our own. the girl we adopted "matched" our skin color. some people found it objectionable and/or offensive to have a mixed race family, some of those people i thought were friends. even some members of our family- my own parents included- were horrified. whatever. we never found any value in explaining our decision, justifying our family, or being offended by a closed mind. i will tell you that in a perfect world, i believe it is easier on everyone if a child is raised by parents that look like him and can relate to his life experience as it pertains to race. however, this is a far less than perfect world as evidenced by the need to have a child raised by parents other than his own. in light of that i would advise you to simply love your child. don't feel a need to take a stand and defend yourself to the general public. they already know how you feel by nature af your family composition. hold your head proud, ignore the nay-sayers and leave those who would condemn you in your dust. your child will take his cues from you and act as you do, so set the example for your child, not the world.

     there is, however, a much larger concern than your new child's race. that would be his background. no amount of love, good example, rules, or anything else can erase what your child has already lived. our adopted kids were 12, 10 and 10 when they came to us. be very, very aware of your childs background. read everything. the biggest formation of a human is in the first years of life- that cannot be erased, and its darn hard to modify- bordering on impossible. was your child hungry while living on the streets? he will hoard and steal food for his next meal for a long time, and always be worried if there is "enough". was your child taught to steal to survive? it never, ever stops. our oldest adopted son is currently in jail for 15 years for aggravated robbery. his birth mother use to punish him if he did not come home with what she sent him to steal- that lesson is very powerful. was your child sexually molested? he may molest others younger than him- you must be careful at all times. or she may flirt and attempt to seduce men to get food, clothes or gifts. any man, anywhere- no boundaries. i could go on- you get the idea.

   all this may sound like i am trying to discourage you- i'm not. we heard plenty about interracial adoption, nothing about adopting an older child. a child who, by the way, may never truly accept you as a loving parent. nobody else came through for this kid- why should they believe you will?

   it is far more important to know, accept and be ready for the fall-out of your childs past life than it is to focus on skin color. all that being said, good luck. i wish you only success and happiness.

Answer 9

Race obviously. But not until the kids are old enough to realize they don't look quite like you and that it makes a difference to some people...

IMHO the fact that you ask that question means you already know the answer but it doesn't mean it is not something to consider.

You adop them, you love them. There are no other questions.

Answer 10

You know, I knew two girls when I was in school that were Korean and adopted by white families here in America.   Although they were raised in well to do wonderfully loving families, they resented their families and wound up departing from them and not coming back once they turned 18.

I am not sure what the reasoning is behind their decisions, and not sure why both of them had similar sentiments when neither of the two knew each other, but it seems that they do not feel that they fit in correctly when they grow up in a family outside of their culture.

Answer 11

I wouldn't care nor wouldn't know. As I am NOT adopting a thing, I am giving birth and rising my OWN felsh and blood, why the h**l wouls I want to raise some low life's kid?..or some of a different race?..unless, I marry him-no thanks.