What kid of questions should I ask when going to see my son's k-grade teacher?

Question

My son has had some trouble in his k-grade class. I have requested a daily teacher/parent communication log and it seems to just put a bigger stress on my son and I. It seems that it's a tattle-tale play by play of his school day. I'm not saying my son is perfect and I do believe he acts up during class but, I'm finding myself at wits end? According to what the teacher writes he teases his classmates and makes remarks like " you have a Dora book, Dora's for babies", teacher's word "no empathy for his peers" , making faces at teacher when she's turned her back, making paper airplanes, these are a few thing she's put down. Some of these I feel are normal k-grade behavior.

I have requested a day that I can observe him but, I'm starting to wonder if I should do an unannounced visit rather than a chosen one by his teacher. I could really use some advice and maybe a little parent support

Answer 1

I think some of that is normal but i would talk to him and let him know what are some things that are not so nice to say to the other kids or teacher. You can even enourage him by helping him make a chart of the month and each day that he brings home a good report he can put a star on that day and when he builds a week or two of solid stars give him a nice reward.

Answer 2

Well to give you some support it does sound like normal 5/6 year old behavior.  Kids that age are just getting used to the idea of school, the idea of social norms and what is acceptable.  They have to learn this they are not born with it!  You have to have a talk with him about his behavior, and the chart/reward system is a great idea!  I would def. not think disability or disorder if I heard this, don't worry.

Answer 3

This kind of behavior sounds to me like it's within the boundaries of the classroom and the teacher can handle it.  It's not the same as stealing or hitting.  When it's mild acting up I think it's more helpful to let the consequences happen at school because that's where the trouble happened.  By bringing it home and continuing to punish you're drawing it out over the kind of things that really aren't HUGE problems.  The teacher should be able to handle teasing comments without getting you involved.  At most if she speaks to you then it's time to talk to your son about listening to his teacher and respecting authority, follow rules - not about the specifics of "don't call Susie's book babyish" on a daily basis.

Answer 4

Have you had a face-to-face talk with your son's teacher? That's what I would do rather than observing - I know my kids would have behaved VERY differently if they knew I was there.

And...this is going to sound blunt...but why do you feel that the teacher who is with thirty of them all day every year doesn't know what normal k-grade behaviour is, while you (who've been a mum of one or maybe two or three k-grade children for a few months) do? Unless she's a really bad teacher she won't be writing down normal k-grade behaviour incidents, she'll be writing down the ones that she considers worth recording. Some of these might be the top end of normal behaviour, especially if it might be normal for a kid to do them occasionally but yours does them all the time.

A log IS a play-by-play of his school day. What were you expecting it to be? Why is it stressful for you if you feel that the incidents in it are normal behaviour?

Really, you need to talk to the teacher, and the two of you discuss how you can work together to help your son. A log isn't doing this, and nor is you observing. Those are just ways that she can try to get you to understand that he needs help. Move past that stage as fast as you can, and get the help started. There is NOTHING wrong with needing help - unless you refuse to accept it.