What kind of negative effects does adoption have on kids?

Question

im writing a paper on the effects adoption has on kids, on the birth family, and on the adoptive parents. i have found some info but it doesnt have the info i need please help me and if you have stories yourself that would help i will put your name if you want your i will say from a resource. thank you for your help!

Answer 1

everyone is an individual.. each circumstance is different..

therefore there is no "across the board" effects of adoption on children.. each child is different and experiences adoption and feelings about adoption in VERY different ways...

this is PROVEN by the fact that,  no matter what things people will soon likely list... there are adoptees who would say "I don't feel that way.. I never felt that way.. that wasn't an issue for me"

Answer 2

This story is about my son and what a adoption agency as most of you knows is LDS family services. They failed to inform him of the coming birth of his son. the wonderful social worker talked more with the birth mother's boyfriend and his mother and a couple of times with the birth mother and just left the father of the child out. They hoped he wouldn't hear about the state restrity to claim that would stop the adoption. He found out about his son 2 days before his birth and then the child was taken out of the area on July 4,   2 days latter.  Also the couple are family members of the birth mother's boyfriend. Wonderful.  As it stands father's in America have no rights to their children.

    The father get's visitation for right now and his son calls him dad. But this almost 3 years old studders and you can already tell he has problems a detachment order. Sad this child should have been with the father since the mother didn't want him. And the couple have done harm to the baby trying to keep him away from his real family. Look up details

Answer 3

I am a 23 year old female who was adopted at age 15 and I had a very positive experience. I knew my birth mother all my life and I had exposure to her, but she didn't raise me. I lived with my grandparents most of my life, with a few breaks in between during my rebellious years. I think any negative effects I have had in adulthood were caused by traumatic experiences that occurred during my childhood, not by the adoption itself. Being adopted at 15 years old is alot different than being adopted as a baby. My adoptive mother has shown me more love and patience within the last 8 years than my birth mother has shown me in my entire life. If anything, the adoption has had a positive effect on my life because I found out that there was someone who loves me regardless of what may happen. Even to this day, my adoptive mom is my Mom. And guess what? I'm African American and my adoptive family is Italian.

Answer 4

it can hurt a kid emotional to think his or her parents didnt want them, but then again they might not be hurt because, they know they are in a better situation than if they stayed where they werent wanted and are loved everyday it could go both ways i would put that in your paper the pros and cons of it not just the negative, because all in all it is not negative,

Answer 5

I was adopted when I was 5 days old.  To me adoption was a wonderful experience.  I grew up in a loving family and had every opportunity they could give me.  I met my birth mom when I was about 25.  She made a wonderul decision and I wanted to thank her for the great family I was able to grow up in.  All in all, there were no negatives for me.  I think adoption is wonderful.

Answer 6

I am an adoptee and overall.... i did not have a positive adoption experience. I was adopted at 2 months. My a-parents had 3 boys already who were 6, 9  & 10. I am not close to any of them.... they are strangers to me and even though i've tried to get to know them over the years, there is no connection. My a-mother wanted a "little her" and I just wasn't that... nor could I ever be. She and I never learned to communicate.... I always felt like no matter what  did... it was never good enough for her. This was reinforced by constant critisism and judgment. My a-father and I got along well, but he passed away when i was in my early 20s.

I found out at 17... and it totally explained all of the feeling of isolation and not fitting in and abandonment that I had felt my whole life. The biggest problem that I had was that while it is normal to want ot know more about your birth parents, my a-mother completely lost it and made me feel so guilty about wanting to know. I was placed in a position of having to console her and to reassure her that she was my mother. I found this to be extremely difficult for my adjustment time... and I know that it was a contributing factor to the deterioration of our already poor relationship.

I have been to adoption support group sessions and it is surprising how many adoptees have a "raw" emotional state.... I have always been a very over-sensitive person... and while i have learned to be tougher... i always feel emotionally a little raw and vulnerable.  Another common emotional state that I noticed at group is a lack of intimacy... and i don't mean sexual intimacy... i mean emotional. It's best described as a lack of trust in other people... suspecting that they just won't be there. There are are several other posts above with lists of common problems (and web links) that are also  issues that I have either personally experienced or have heard from from other adoptees... so i won't list them here again.

This is my personal experience and it is one that I do share with other adoptees. Is it one that I share with ALL adoptees? No. I think ultimately each situation is unique... and should be treated as such, and just like everything else there will be good and bad stories.

Good luck with your report. It sounds very interesting. Thank you for allowing me to be part of it.

Answer 7

I am an adult adoptee. I had  2 older sisters and I think the reason I was adopted was because my a-mom was a guilt ridden catholic who felt she had to keep up with her older sisters who had previously adopted and then my a-dad who wanted a boy.  They adopted me when they were in their early 20's and didn't know who they were yet.  They divorced when I was just two. I have always felt as an outsider my whole life and have never really felt emotionally conntected to people. Now I don't really have any realtionships with any of my family and I don't desire to.  I have issues that will probably never be worked out.  For somre reason I really don't have the desire to contact my biologicals. I think I just don't want to deal with more realatives at this point.

Answer 8

There are no specific negative effects on adoptees. It all depends how the adoptee feels about their circumstance.

I suppose that the most commonly herd of are....

Feelings of no identity

Feelings of loss

Feelings of not belonging

wondering why they were given up

Some adoptees feel different from other kids.

Answer 9

Check out the links Sunny gave you.

Me - adopted at birth - always told I was adopted - loving and caring adoptive family.

BUT - I always longed to know about my family of origin - and never felt like a totally fit in.

I've struggled with conflicting feelings my whole life.

It's hard knowing that you love your adoptive family like crazy - but still having these deep deep needs to want to know that part of you that you were always denied.

And then there's the gut wrenching fear that you'll be rejected by your family of birth if you actually gain the courage to search - coupled with the gut wrenching fear that your adoptive family will hate you for wanting to search.

(not to mention what every man and his dog decides to tell you in between - as adoptees are told often - by all and sundry - how they should feel about their own adoption)

Sure - not all adoptees feel this way - but I personally know hundreds that do.

I've now found my first family - and know even more what I missed out on - such as - the genetic mirroring (I've finally found people that look and act just like me - with similar tastes and talents) - a sense of who I am and where I came from - a history.

I was essentially taken from one family - and plonked into a family of complete, unrelated strangers.

Most parents with kept children would never write in their wills that upon death, their children should be given away to strangers.

It's weird. When it's not completely necessary - I believe it's wrong.

If it really needs to happen (adoption) - then the adoptee should be allowed to know their full truth - and know personally (if possible) their bio family.

Answer 10

I am sure you are going to get mostly negative effects from here- however from me you will not= I am adopted and it has had no ill effects on me- and don't say I am in denial, I am not.  I am almost 50 and not once did I think I was abandoned by my birth mom- as a matter of fact I am very thankful for her decision to place me , because for whatever she could not raise me, and then my hubby and I adopted 2 children 16 and 19  years old.  My two children love being adopted- my son has always wanted to meet his birth mom- and did last year-

Answer 11

Adopted people make up 2% of the general population in the U.S.  But they have higher rates of addiction, mental health issues, and suicide.  Adoptees over-represent in residental treatment centers and the nation's prison population. They even have greater chances (17 times higher) to become serial killers than the rest of our country's (98%) population.

Here are some links to articles and the names of books that might be at your library:

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org

http://www.origins-usa.org

http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm

http://www.babyscoopera.com

http://www.b******s.org/bq/babb2.html

Adoption studies:

http://crimemagazine.com/07/adoptionfore...

http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/to...

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

Books:

The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier

Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND

Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton

The Adopted break Silence by Jean Paton

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Adoption: Uncharted Waters by David Kirschner

Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David Brodzinsky

Shared Fate by David Kirk

Answer 12

Children loses their parents and biological family when they get adopted into another family. I think it depends how old the child is and then you can relate to how they will treat you. Some adopted children will disrespect you and things like that.

Answer 13

All I can say is talk to as many adoptees as possible and adoptees ONLY.

There are far too many people out there speaking for and on behalf of adoptees about how it feels to be adopted and the effect of adoption on the adoptee - it's unreal.   I mean you wouldn't have a bunch of chinese people sitting around talking about how it feels to be African American, now, would you?  KWIM  But this is happening in adoption.

That's my only advice, sorry I couldn't be more help.

ETA  You have only 4 out of a total of 10 answers so far from actual adoptees.  That means 6 non-adopted individuals are trying to tell you how it feels to be adopted.   I rest my case.

Answer 14

I was told that i was adopted at age 7 and I was read a book, my first thought at that age was that I was living with strangers , it sent me on a rebelious path that ended with me trying to kill myself at age 12 , believeing that I wasnt good enough for my own mother,, I wasnt ok, until I found my birth mother  when i was 18 and found out that she could not fill the void that i had always felt in my heart. I felt unwanted, even though i was wanted by my adoptive parents, if I had my choice, I would have been raised knowing that I was adopted, instead of it being thrown on me in 2nd grade. I belive that if it had been something that I didnt feel was hidden from me then I would have had a beeter time with it.

Answer 15

The effects of adoption depends on how it is handled from parent to child. My brother was adopted and told from birth on through stories and things and never had a problem with it. Its something that should be treated as a fact of life but not a defining factor

Answer 16

I was adopted and I'm 13 now. I've always had seperation anxioty and I think that being adopted had something to do with that. Also sometimes it can hurt you to think why wouldn't she want me and stuff

I was adopted in this country and I know my birthmom. I hate her. if you have any questions than email me and I'll write it out the WHOLE story for u

Answer 17

I'm quite certain that this answer might bring about some strong responses, but I've never even thought about this until I started coming to this site.  I do not believe adoption has any effect on children whatsoever.  I am now firmly convinced that the problems arise once the child finds out they are adopted.  If the child has physical or mental problems and no one knows they are adopted they don't put that into a statistic, they chalk it up as just another person with physical or mental problems.

Please understand that I am not making a statement regarding whether or not the adoptee has the right to know.  All I know is that low self-esteem does not stem from adoption, it comes from wondering what was wrong with you that made your bio parents give you up.  Abandonment issues and attachment disorders are very real problems with adoptees, and if a newborn isn't nurtured from birth they can and usually do develop these issues.  But the very same thing happens to premies all the time.  They develop those very same issues, but are able to resolve them once they figure out that they weren't abandoned.  Adoptees usually cannot resolve these issues without some type of answer about why them.

I look at my three adopted children and my three birth children and wonder where we would all be today if I had never told the girls they were adopted.  They hadn't seen their bio parents in so long they honestly believed we were them and wanted to know why we left them with those other people for so long.  Neither of them have any memory of being in foster care.  Would they have been happier and healthier not knowing?  I believe with all my heart that my youngest daughter would have been.  My older daughter simply could care less about the bio family.  And she was able to resolve her "negative effects" with a little help from us and some counseling.  She hoarded food and lied compulsively.  Once she realized we weren't going anywhere she came around and has been a well adjusted functional person.  My younger daughter carries a deep resentment toward her bio family and has had mental health problems since puberty.

I don't know what effect adoption has on the birth family, but I assume it is extremely difficult and would not like to be in that position.

The adoptive family is no more effected than if it was their birth child.  This I know first hand.  If the child has problems you deal with it.  If the child is a genius you take credit for it.  If the child is happy you're happy.  If the child is sad you're sad.

So, after being on this site, these are the opinions I have formed regarding adoption.  I know and agree with most of the arguments for open adoption and having a right to medical history.  But there are many birth parents out there that don't have a clue about their own family medical history.  So watching my younger daughter suffer terribly for all of these years because she couldn't come to grips with being adopted makes me wish I could turn back the clock.  I would have answered those two little girls differently when they asked why I left them with those people.  I would have told them I had been in a hospital, very ill and their Daddy had to take care of me and we had missed them so very much and were so happy to have them back home with us where they belong.  I honestly believe my younger daughter would have had an entirely different life than the one she is living now.

When people adopt older children, they know what they are getting into and accept the responsibility to deal with all of those already ingrained issues.  When people adopt tiny children, at birth or at a young enough age for them to forget, they hope and pray those children will grow up without all of the issues.  But when we tell them they are adopted I now firmly believe that this knowledge is the catalyst for all future issues that child faces.

Don't kill me folks.  I'm not agreeing or disagreeing with anyone.  I'm just telling my own story.

Answer 18

There are so many answers to this question, and all of them are correct!    Some adoptive parents (like me) will tell you that adoption was the very best thing that ever happened in their lives, that their children are treasures, and that they will be eternally grateful to have these incredible kids in their lives.  Others will say that their adopted children brought them all kinds of misery and suffering, and that they had many regrets about going down this road.

Some adopted children (like many on this forum) will say that their entire lives are consumed by thoughts of their birth parents, and by thoughts of what their lives would have been like if they had remained in their original families.  Others will say that aside from a mild curiosity, they have little feeling about their birth parents, and are happy and content in their adoptive families.

As for birth families, I have no experience in this area, but I'm sure you will hear from others that the majority of birth mothers will always regret giving up their child, even if it was the "most sensible" thing to do at that moment in time.  All of them think of the child every day, and pray for a reunion at some point so that at the very least, they know their child is happy and content.

Answer 19

I can give you experience as being an adopted person, and what I see  in the two children who I am very close to who are adopted.  I am an adult, getting close to 60 and am an only child and my parents have been gone for about 7 years, but my my mother came from a huge family and their loss has not made a change in how my family treats me.  Sorry, but I don't see any negative affective's on being adopted.  My parents were always quick to tell me I was the "chosen Child".  I see the same with my cousin who couldn't have children and she and  her husband adopted a mulatto child, and couldn't  be happier  Their child is still young.  The last group is one of my closest friends. Probably brought

together somewhat while while they waited for the baby to be delivered.  15 years later looking at the family ot

s a family that was meant to be.  again no negatives either  in any of these stories.  Adoption is not a bad thing.

Answer 20

I agree if this is a persuasive paper on the negatives of adoption than you should stick to that,  however if it is a research paper I would recommend talking to as many adoptees as possible.  Some have negative experiences where others have positive experiences.  I for one had a positive one. I was adopted at birth and found out about being adopted at 5 when I asked if I was.  It was always treated as a open subject but not one to set me a part from the rest of the family.  I had two siblings of which I was never treated any differently.  I lived a normal life if compared to other non-adopted children.  Some adoptees have feelings of resentment, anger, hurt and those are valid to their experiences.  Please don't forget about both sides.  As far as whether adoptive parents can speak to this I believe they can provide an interesting perspective.  You will also need that info as you included that as part of your paper's perspective.  They have watched their children and know how it has or has not effected them (or at least in most cases).  Good luck with your paper.

Answer 21

I can't pinpoint exactly when I knew I was adopted, I just sort of always knew. It's been up and down. My parents are great, and I have a really good relationship with my dad, we talk about almost everything. But I can't get over the feeling of being abandoned by my birth mother. I suffer from depression because of it, have attempted suicide, find it difficult to talk to people or trust them, and I became very 'anti' for a while (whatever my parents wanted me to do I did exactly the oppposite because they weren't my real parents). My dad told me I was nearly identical to Her, so I dyed my hair and was going to get coloured contacts. There are days when I think she ruined my life, or rather what could have been my life and days when I think she did the right thing. But now that I have kids of my own I don't understand hoe she could have given me up. Mostly these days I try not to care and find myself failing.

Having said that, I have had a fairly happy childhood and I have incredibly supportive parents but adoption affects everyone in different ways. My little brother who is also adopted feels nothing like me, for him the whole thing was a very positive experience.

Answer 22

You should do an online search for the topic.  I'm sure you'll find many informational websites.  The effects are both bad and good, please don't forget about the "good" side of adoption unless you are doing a persuasive piece against adoption.