What kind of relationship is that?

Question

I have a very close friend who doesn't know how to get out of a situation she's created more or less...

She has a bf with whom she's planned her wedding but is still seeing her ex. Her bf doesn't know about her affair yet, but he's very likely to find out, b/c she and her ex have got out very often recently.

Neither her or her bf are in love... I don't know why they've planned their wedding after all?

Anyway, her parents don't agree with her ex, b/c he had let her down many times while they were together and have advised her not to get back to him. But she still cares about him, and can't fight against her feelings.

What to do in this situation? What would you advise her to do?

Answer 1

I would advise her to hold off on the marriage until she could decide what and who she really wants. Maybe it's something that her ex is giving her that her present boyfriend isn't. Maybe she and her boyfriend should talk out why they aren't in love anymore(if they ever were). She will definitely be miserable if she got into a marriage and had no emotions for her husband and he had none for her either. What's the point of getting married then?! I hope it all works out without anyone getting hurt. I was just watching a movie called "Unfaithful" and the wife was cheating on her husband and it didn't end well.So maybe she should stop before someone gets hurt. Even though her bf says he's not in love, being cheated on does hurt and there's no telling what will happen if he finds out. God Bless!

Answer 2

split up with both of them and learn to be strong on your own for a while.

Answer 3

you can't advise her only be there to pick up the pieces and hold her hand when it all goes wrong and by the sounds of it , it will go wrong.

Answer 4

I don't think it will influence her decision no matter what or how much you advise her.

she only learns by her own mistakes and she's the only person that helps her own.

she been let down by him many times but she still cares about him has affair with him, that means she DOES NOT want to correct the mistake, she doesn't want to wake up from her little dream.

but she shall learn, no matter how long it takes, she will learn one day.

before that, you can only pray for her that she won't fall too hard and she will still be able to pick herself up when the time comes.

if this is not the first time you try to advise her, I wouldn't bother again.

its not she didn't hear you last time, but she didn't want it, you cannot force her to do the thing that she doesn't want to.

let her be, be there for her when she needs your company and advice and needs you, like when she get dumped again by the man!

Answer 5

i think she should let the ex go. he just does not want her to be happy. he is her ex  Miltie  times for a reason.  stay alone for a couple of months to see which of  them she wants. if any.

Answer 6

Tell her not to go through with the wedding.  Tell her to look very carefully at those vows.  It says that she is promising to be faithful and remain with him for the rest of her life, in sickness and in health, in good times or in bad times.  There is no way she can to that, if she is not completely in love with him.  She will end up divorcing him, and possibly being a single mother.(unfair to future children)  Tell her that she has to be honest with herself and everyone around her.  It is not fair to her, her family or her bf to go through with this marriage.  She is wasting her life, his life, and her parents money.

Answer 7

My advice would be for her to tell the boyfriend as soon as possible about the situation. He should not learn about it from others. She should discuss with her bf whether to postpone or give up her wedding plans. It would be grossly unfair and unwise to go through a wedding when your heart is not there (and I know what I'm talking about).

About her ex, that is hard to decide. It seems that she is more into him than he is into her. There is a risk that he might just exploit her. But that is for her to find out.

Sometimes when you absolutely cannot make up your mind as between two men it is best to dump them all and wait for Mr. Right!

Answer 8

I know is sounds horrible but you have to be cruel to be kind in these situations.

Leave her to it. Don't get involved. It sounds like she is on the path to destruction and she is the only person that will be able to sort it out when the s h i t  hits the fan.

She must know what she is doing is wrong. Whenever she brings the wedding up, say to her that you don't want to discuss it as you can't take it seriously. What she is doing is a direct insult to what enter into a marriage is all about.

Answer 9

this is a bomb waiting to explode, she isnt being fair to anyone. She needs to come clean and decide what she wants, before she has nothing.

Answer 10

Well, I would definitely advise her to postpone the wedding as long as possible.

She is most likely torn between the comfortability of being with her ex, and the stability of her current.

I know people like this, and I fear they are doomed to be having affairs and a long life of unhappiness.

It is hard to sit on the sidelines, good luck with whatever you choose to do.

I would appreciate any input you have with my dilemma...

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 11

The most obvious answer is for her to tell her bf and try to make a go of it with her ex.

What else is there for her to do ?

Answer 12

Has she asked for advise. I don't want your friendship to be ruined over her actions.

Now, if you choose to advise, tell her that she's making a terrible mistake planning a wedding with someone she doesn't love. If she wants to be with the ex then so be it. She's an adult. Her parents can't control who she does and does not date. While the ex may be toxic for her, only she can figure that out.