What kind of sick desperation is this?

Question

Check out this news story. On an empty stomach. It will make you sick.

http://www.nwcn.com/statenews/washington/stories/NW_052108WAB_pregnant_baby_adoption_KC.1864e5b1.html

How do you get to the point where any and every pregnant woman is fair game?

Answer 1

Thanks for the warning.  Even if a woman were considering adoption, why would she want her child raised by these sick, self-entitled dumb f@@ks???

Sadly, this happens more often than you think.  My young (married) pregnant niece was solicited at a grocery store for her baby.  Adoption agencies and lawyers encourage this kind of "networking".  Why wouldn't they?  It cuts down on their expenses - increases profits.

Sigh ...

ETA - Yes, lookie at the recommendation that I found on an adoption advice WEB site:

"Create business cards for your friends and family to pass out if they hear of a potential situation. On the card, include a small photo, your first names, your website address, your toll-free number and a statement that you are hoping to adopt. If you feel comfortable, you can also hand these out to the grocery store clerk, your hairstylist, security guard to your office building, physicians, school nurses and social workers, and clergy. Another idea is to write a little note on the back saying, 'Thank you for helping us build our family through adoption,' and ---> leave a card under your tip at a restaurant<---. Many of us have been known to leave our business cards in restrooms, truck stops, elevators, business card free drawing's bowls, and community festivals. You can also send them with your bills every month and post them anywhere you see a community bulletin board."

Oh yes -in addition to wait staff,  let's go get those give-away babies at truck stops and enlist the school nurse to bully teens to give their babies to we vultures who are so much better than you.

vomit, vomit (ETA was added after dinner)

Answer 2

There are people and people and people. It takes all types to make the world. But this couple could have just been driven in thier anxiety and misguided by the attorney as a workable solution.

First and foremost media should project the ills of private adoption and the illegality of such adoptions through attorneys. In a way that couple has been encouraged by the attorney that such channels work and so they have had the guts or the confidence to approach you. How do you know that there arent women who have seriously considered this option, what about surrogate moms - talk about ethics..

Nevertheless i can understand how you feel - well it must have been quite a shock - hope you are better.

Answer 3

Desperate, uneducated in adoption truths, too trusting of those who pretend to care about " building their family"...the perfect potential adoptive parents who the laywers and agencies can suck money out of...

When their are books out like "Fast Track adoption" that give directions on how to expliot a mother, and adoption "recruiters" being hired by agencies, and "how to writ Daer birthmothers' letters all over the web... we get to a place like this.

It's gross... the couple is RIGHT to make a big deal of it...we all should make a big deal of it...but sadly, I can't even finsd it in my heart to baslt the PAP's...they were told to do this by "professiona;s'..and THEY should know better....

Of course, the president of the American Adoption Attorney Association and former head of the "birthparent ethics" committee for the QuadA has phampletes where she instructs other attornies how to " beat information out of the birthparents with a stick".....and had  to be forced to stop calling expectantr parents " birth parents"...so there is very little hope for the ones making the profit.. they just don't really care who they offend.. ..but they do have Hummers.

Answer 4

The couple that left the cards need serious help.  i know, I was there once.  I was infertile (well I am still infertile) and was a foster parent.  I so in my heart felt like trying to talk a couple of these parents into giving me their child, knowing the abuse etc. but feeling something and DOING something are so different.  I woudl NEVER approach anyone about adopting a child, in fact once I was approached by a cousin of a cousin, but said no because I would only do it if the child went through appropriate channels and avenues.

The real story for me here though is the lawyer.  A business man preying on infertile couples desperation and have them prey on young pregnant women.  

Ick.

Answer 5

Boy talk about a slap in the face but a father get's that all the time. When he comes between a adoption agency and the couple who want to adopt his child and the birth mother.  No where on the card does it say IF you and your partner decide not to keep the child then they would like to adopt. I guess life is changing Where birth mothers are tramps and birth fathers are dead beat dads Looks like the table's are changing.

Answer 6

I wouldn't ask another woman to give me her dog, or her husband, or her mother. I wouldn't ask her to give me her baby.  There is no nice, or correct way to ask that.

Wait until a child has been given up (or taken away), and is truly in need of a home. Those are the only children that it's ok to try to adopt.

Answer 7

WTF...I really don't know what to flippen say...This c**p makes me so d**n mad. And then for people to actually try to justify their actions. And we wonder why people look down on alot of PAP's & AP's. People like this make us all look bad!!

These people souldn't be allowed to adopt a dog let alone a baby.

Answer 8

Wow - that is just so wrong in so many ways, I don't think there are words.

One of the many reasons I think private adoptions through attorneys should be illegal. I think they are only illegal in Massachusetts (but could be out-of-date on that).  I'm sure this method was on his list of "networking possibilities." PAPs going through private adoptions, doing their own "networking" are encouraged to approach everyone, write letters to everyone they've ever met. (Those who have adopted before are even encouraged to do "networking" through their child's mother). There's not even an attempt at educating these PAPs, just pushing them to "network."

And how horrible that this woman had to be put through this - what an insult to her. No ring/working as a waitress = I don't want my baby? What???

I am a PAP, and I don't understand how people can attempt to pass this behavior off. As a previous answer said, desperation is no excuse. I don't care who they are, they have to know somewhere inside how insulting, unethical and just plain wrong this is. The ends do not justify the means.

Answer 9

They probably thought you were very pretty and would have a beautiful baby.  They want a child so desperately that they didn't even think how you would feel about their card.

It is great that you are married and want your baby but since you did not  have your wedding ring on they just assumed  you might be thinking about giving your baby up for adoption.

I don't think they are sick. Just desperate.

Answer 10

i think that was very wrong for that couple to make assumptions like that. i mean wanting to adopt is one thing, but to go and advertise like that,just scares me. for one thing they didn;t think this through very clearly. i mean they can open themselves up to fraud! on top of that they could be offending someone.

Answer 11

It's nice that the attorney created cards like these for his clients.  The prospective parents are just trying differant ways to get the word out that they want to adopt and this was an error in judgement on their part.

The story we didn't hear about is the pregnant woman who was handed one of these cards and found it to be a blessing.

Answer 12

I could not even finish reading the article- what I hope and pray is that because of this article more people will not start believing that people who are choosing to adopt are just as rude and obnoxious as these people were.

Answer 13

Very tacky, for sure..

Although "I" prefer to think the best of people, and assume that they weren't feeling "Entitled" to any pregnant woman's baby, but they were simply spreading the word of their desire to adopt wherever they could.. What they did IS tacky and pretty much unacceptable, and they should be told that this isn't the way to go about it.  

But I prefer to assume their motives weren't "pure" evil..

And, yes, the lawyers need to be "chewed out" for recommending such insensitive and rude networking methods.. that needs to stop..

Answer 14

WoW !

I couldn't imagine being that young lady that was given that "card".

These people were more then desperate they were vultures!

Answer 15

I would have walked up to them in the parking lot and told them to F*CK *FF, and that I'm glad they don't have kids because clearly they have absolutely no morals!

Answer 16

Very inappropriate.  I can't believe that "business cards" is considered appropriate by some adoption agencies and adoption lawyers.  It reminds me of that book "Fast Track to Adoption" mentioned a couple months ago.  I'll bet this sort of tactic is listed in that book.

Still, desperation and advice from "experts" aside, there is something very inappropriate about this that should have resonated with the PAPs.

Answer 17

Yuck. I think leaving the card was seriously creepy. What solidifies it for me is that the couple didn't even try to defend themselves after all this came to the attention of the media! Maybe they're ashamed? They should be.

Answer 18

To me it sounds like this couple in search of a child has more then just a few screws and other things loose. I mean c;mon who in their right mind would give up their baby if they read that. Not me even if I was desperately in need of funds h**l no. That couple needs to go thru the proper channels for adoption not look at adopting a baby like a shopping for a  used car. Thats what that reminds me of a car ad. How sad. I hope they dont ever get a chance to be parents I wouldnt want them as mine.

Answer 19

The attorney representing the couple wishing to adopt certainly does not know what he is talking about when he mentions that they have not had any negative responses to "this method."  Isn't Julie, the waitress that was offended by the card's method, a negative response?

How DARE these people go around leaving calling cards for pregnant women saying basically:  We suspect that you don't want your baby...so, can we have it?  Offensive!!

Answer 20

If someone gave me a card, I wouldn't be offended. It is difficult to find someone who is willing to give up their child, and foster care is a hard thing to get through in order to adopt. I would just throw the card out because I was not interested. I don't think it is really that big of a deal. I don't think they were saying "Hey, that woman looks like she can't afford the baby". I think they were just looking wherever they could.

Answer 21

This was not the right way to go about it. As the lady said they just assumed that because she is a waitress that she couldn’t afford to provide for her child.  At the most maybe this will wake this couple and or others up to this inappropriate behavior. If I had been in this lady’s shoes I would have provide them a number to the state foster care system. Of course it probably wouldn’t have happen to me since my baby would be mixed raced.

Answer 22

Everyone is assuming they left the card for her because she was pregnant.  They may leave a card at every restaurant they visit.  They may have went into the restroom and hung on on the mirror too.  That doesn't mean they are stalking pregnant women.  It just means they are trying to get their information out to as many people as possible in case you know someone, who knows someone, who might be interested.  Way too much is being read into this.

Answer 23

ROTFLMAO!!!  oh sweet JESUS!!!

a few things:

- the attorney who endorsed this behavior should be brought up on charges by the state bar... this is so unethical.

-how absolutely RUDE and IGNORANT to assume that simply because a young women isn't flossing "bling", nor have her arms wrapped around some dude that she has no intentions to parent her baby!

- talk about E.N.T.I.T.L.E.M.E.N.T.!!!

-what's next, roll up on someone and ask for their car?  or house?  or wife? simply because someone "wants one?"

-these people, the attorney and whole clan should be brought up on harassment charges.

- and what's up with these parents "going into hiding?"  h**l, if they are bold enough to scheme on some woman's baby, they should be able to defend their actions.  for me, this is the biggest slap in the face.  they had no problem offending this young lady, yet now that wish to "not return phone calls?"  kiss my grits! they need to be exposed.

-"this is unfortunate"  is that all dude can say?  but you know what, he's right.  it is unfortunate.  unfortunate that we live in a society where people profit off the desperation of others; and attempt to normalize inappropriate behavior. homeboy probably does adoption work because he sucks as a trial lawyer, anyway.

and people wonder why newborns are tagged like "gucci pocket-books" in the hospital!! because there are loons like these in the world who think they are entitled to cross almost any line simply because they want a kid.

seriously, i wonder what the kid would think.. "hey junior, we got you from your birthmother we scoped out at IHOP!"

sick...sick...sick...sick...

ps. desperation is NOT an excuse for this c**p.  but it is a clear indication that one needs intensive therapy.

ETA: gersh...not only would i've thrown a drink...i probably would have followed her out to the parking lot and....

ETA: a few comments from the posters..

-i don't care if a pregnant woman was walking around in mis-matched socks with unkept hair... that doen't give someone the right to assume they are entitled to her kid.

-i don't think they were "simply getting the word out."  for if that were the case, they would have given the card to several people in the diner.  not just the pregnant woman.

-the intention might not have been "evil", but they sure as h**l were unethical and inmoral.

-let me get this right... people think this is ok? so where does it end? maybe we should just print up cards to give out to women at the local daycare who look a bit "teethered." . or perhaps we should approach women buying their children's milk and cereal with wic coupons.  or maybe...

WE SHOULD LEARN TO DEAL WITH OUR OWN s**t, ACCEPT  THAT INFERTILITY DOESN'T OFFER ONE A PASS TO BE SOCIALLY INAPPROPRIATE, NOT NORMALIZE THE BEHAVIOR OF FEELING ENTITILED TO OTHERS CHILDREN AND GROW THE FU*K UP!!!

i'm angry now. :(

ps. i'm so happy that many of the aparents i know (and those on the board) can see how inappropriate this is.

ETA again... NMmom: "I think the couple didn't intend to leave it for a pregnant woman it ended up that way. "--

ummm, wrong answer.  they left the card in the BILL FOLDER ALONG WITH HER TIP!"--try it again.  if you're going to defend baby trolls, at least don't attempt to insult our intelligence.

ETA3: sizemith.... allow me if you will to blow holes in your busted a$s logic.  i often do not wear my wedding band (my hands have swollen to the size of rhode island), and i RARELY wear my wedding ring (i think it's somewhat pretentious to wear a ring that costs more than the annual income of the students/clients i work with), also, i have been known to go to the grocery store a bit teethered and will sometimes dress for comfort than fashion. i tend to also shop in thrift stores, flea markets, garage sales and co-ops because i feel somewhat guilty spending hundreds of dollars on clothing that some poor woman made in china for  $2.00. so, by your logic, someone would be within their rights to approach me for my kid because i chose to wear a t-shirt and sweats  i bought from the thrift store and not a designer outfit from pea in a pod?  i tell you what, let someone approach me because of some "assumption based on my appearance" and they will find themselves picking themselves up from under the wheel of my BMW!

Answer 24

I think that the waitress is blowing it out of proportion.  I think the couple didn't intend to leave it for a pregnant woman it ended up that way.  Granted the working on the card should be a little more tact full, maybe like "Pregnant? Considering Adoption? Know of Someone Who Is?"

I would probably bet that this couple has left more than one card on the tables of restaurants or bars that they have gone to and sadly this one waitress has to make a big deal

Answer 25

It's sad but true.  Look at the stories that are in the news about pregnant women being attacked or worse for their babies.

I really don't understand that level of desparation that makes people think that it is acceptable to act this way.

Answer 26

As the attorney says with the last sentence. This was unfortunate. Unfortunate indeed. Kind of pathetic really. I find myself between anger and sympathy. A rock and a hard place. I wonder how many other pregnant women they communicated with in that way.

Answer 27

It's completely dispicable and it isn't an isolated freak desperate person.  This is what adoptive parents are coached to do in private infant domestic adoption - market themselves.  I just heard not long ago about a pap who asked people on an adoption forum if she should ask a pregnant teenage girl at church if she was planning on placing the baby or if she should ask the pastor if he would ask her.  OMG, a pregnant young single woman can't even go to church without someone trying to get her baby!

Answer 28

Although I don't agree with it, after waiting years to be able to adopt a child, I understand it, although there are much better ways to go about it.  

I would wonder how this particular pregnant woman appeared, if maybe she looked like she couldn't handle a child, if she looked like she might not be able to raise the baby.  I doubt that these people gave their card to upper class women in business suits.  Once again, I don't agree with the process, however, I understand it.

Answer 29

Thats sick desperation alright. Rude, insensitive and way overboard. I was so hormonal when I was pregnant I would have probably thrown a drink on her.

Answer 30

forgive me all, but i have to suspect a sicker background here..i suspect that there is something else behind all this than a simple desperate couple and "clients" of the certain lawyer..who 's office understand when the ask for jean that there is a priority involved..i suspect they have an illegal business of trading and exploiting desperate young women found in an unwilling situation..in a whole matter of assumptions, allow me to make mine, no? and if this is not the matter, let them press charges against me..

Answer 31

**Go, Tish, go!!**

*Thank goodness for PAPs and APs who GET IT! (You know who you are! :)) *

This is beyond foul - and people seriously wonder why we scream about ethics in adoption!

Even the "contact name" on the card is fake! How honest of these folks! Gosh, they sure sound like people I'd want teaching MY kid morals!!! (I can only hope they don't have jobs that require them to set an example or make judgements that effect others!!)

What kind of people do this kind of thing!? Desperation does not negate one's responsibilites to ethics or social protocol! "Shopping" for a newborn in this manner is not only rude and insensitive it is downright vulgar.

It even just sounds weird!!:

Would have someone do your nails and leave a note that you'd like to get married to their spouse if they are perchance having marital issues?! How 'bout if you left a note at the mechanic's that if he is concerned about affording his mother's retirement home you would be glad to keep her and call her mom?!

Did they even leave her a tip???!!! I will forever worry whether these folks got their hands on a child! They can't even see other adults as people so how would a child fare in their care?

Children as POSSESSIONS rather than PEOPLE is a concept that continues to make me shake my head and causes hearts to bleed...

Before I saw this post I was pondering this: http://english.people.com.cn/90001/90776...

Some people will just jump right on in! Yes, being yanked from your culture after this kind of tragedy is EXACTLY what these orphans need!! Like the poor people who LOST children shouldn't have first option here!! How 'bout sending some AID if we are SO concerned about the welfare of these people and the CHILDREN!!

(spell check is running slow so please forgive my typos!!)