What kind of things should be considered when making a "Match"?

Question

What kinds of thing should be considered when making a match of baby/child with adoptive parents, and how much weight should each characteristic play.

I guess I'd look at it from the child's stand point and think if I were them, would I want to be with and fit in at an acceptable level with these people.

What do you think?

Answer 1

Birth mothers are encouraged to make all the key choices in the adoption plan.....The family, the amount of continuing contact, etc.  90% of birthmothers select their own adoptive families and degree of openness.  Some do not choose to make those choices and leave the selection of the family up to the agency.  By "fitting in", it sounds like you mean physically.  That is the way adoptions were done 50 years ago.  The research has shown that children who do not  resemble their adoptive parents may have an easier time in some ways -- in that fewer people assume they are biological.  it is more straight forward.  Of course, that can also create some discomfort for some.  But it truly depends on the personality make up of the child (every child is different!) as well as the way the family deals with issues like diversity as a whole.

Answer 2

You know, having done respite for adopted children, and adopting 2 of my own (when they were 6 and 9) I would say that you have to look at things like: religion, culture, understanding their needs, how much contact you're willing to have with the birth family, stuff like that.

It's extremely important to match these areas because kids already lose SO much with adoption. With a great match, they can keep these parts of themselves. Like our girls - they came from a mixed background. I was in South America for 5 years and seem to be a bit of a Latin at heart, and my husband is Puerto Rican. They were able to keep things like rice and beans, Spanish language, etc. We're all Christian, so they can keep that part as well.

I did respite for a young black boy, about 15, and he'd been adopted by a white family. When he was 8 or so, he thought that it was fine. But as he got older, he was getting razzed at school for having white parents and he was angry about sticking out. Now we all know that kids will poke fun at whatever they can, and a better attitude on his part would have been helpful. However, that made me think about mixing obvious races. Does it do any favors? With thousands of kids waiting for permanent homes, I would have thought that he would have been happy to be adopted. However, kids usually find something to complain about - teen years are tough no matter what.

Answer 3

I think it's a sick and disgusting practice. Seriously!  "Matching"?  As in shoes & purses?  Furniture & drapes?

How f'ing ridiculous!  Unbelievable BS!

Answer 4

They look for:

Who can take the individual needs of the children (if there is special needs)

Then they look for any possible cultural matches, second to that they look for someone who will be able to tap into the child's culture

They look for someone who is open to openness in adoption and understands the needs of adoptees

These are what they think of when "matching".  The birth parents wherever possible should be the ones making the decision.

Answer 5

I'm not sure if you're asking this from an only from an agency standpoint, or a birthmother choosing PAP's standpoint.  

I'm a birthmom who chose the adoptive parents.  I chose a match based on characteristics important to me that I would have been sure to offer, as well as making sure the PAP's could offer things I could not:  

I made sure to pick a Christian family- they are Lutherans, and they are active.  I chose people who had financial stability.  I chose people who honestly love kids- the a'mom is a teacher.  I chose people who were in a loving relationship and are truly each others' best friends.  That was big for me as it was something I could not offer at the time and I think is essential for raising children.  I also chose people who were looking for an open adoption- although they have since "un-opened" it.  I'm hoping to get that straightened out asap.   But most of all, at the time I was looking, when talking on the phone and in person, I "clicked" with these people, so I hoped she would, too.  I believe she does.

Hope my perspective helps~

Answer 6

I think the matching system that's being used for us is a great one.  The caseworker puts out a bulletin.  We read the bulletin and ask that our homestudy be put in for that child.  Then, the caseworker goes through each homestudy and decides which families would best be able to meet that child's needs.  The caseworker narrows it down to three families.  Those three families go to "committee".  At the committee, our social worker, the child's foster parents, the child's caseworker, and other social workers look over all the homestudies, the child's information, and any other relevant information, to determine which of the three families would best be able to meet that child's needs.  This is how a family is chosen in our state, for foster children.  I like that.  I don't have anything to do with the process, except to be honest.  I think it would be a huge conflict of interest, not to mention icky, for me to have anything to do with the matching beyond that point.  It's about the child's needs, not our wants.  We decide what our family can handle, and the state figures it out from there.

Answer 7

A good match would be someone who will love the child unconditionally.  I'd think if a baby were choosing, they'd want someone who would love them with all their heart, respect them as who they are, and know that their parent will support them in all they do...

Answer 8

The first mom should choose the adoptive parents. Hopefully they will agree on the level of openess and stick with it as that is the most important thing.