What lesson or lessons has cancer taught you?

Question

My wife is diagnosed with breast cancer and here are some things cancer has taught me as a caregiver:

1. Cancer does not equal death...there is hope of being cured from the disease.

2. I did not know that so many people where I work had family members with cancer. Sharing our stories helped me to understand what would be some of the challenges we would be facing together.

3. I knew a little about the disease, now I know more than I ever wanted to know about it.

4. That now more than ever, I need to let my wife know how important she is to me, and do whatever it takes to support her. Before, I would do more things for me, now it is 99% for her.

5. How I just want to spend time with her instead of working so much.

6. That she is the one with cancer and has to go through the treatments. She has told me that herself, it hurt because I thought we were a team going through it together, but she is the one that is losing her hair, going through chemo and getting poked and probed. I am there to tell her that I love her and that she is brave and that I am proud of her for doing whatever it is she needs to do to get well.

These are some of the things cancer has taught me, how about you?

I have heard it a million times, "You can have all the money in the world, but if you don't have your health you have nothing". Now I believe it. So, it has taught me to not take things so seriously. Because living is what is most important.

Answer 1

I agree with everything you stated in your question, only from the perspective of a patient. When I was diagnosed I was speechless,literally. It was like a dream. This was something that happened to others, not me. I was a picture of perfect health. After going home and crying in my wife's arms for half an hour I was suddenly okay and ready to take action. I scheduled an appointment at one of worlds top three institutes located in Houston, and was fortunate enough to get the world's top surgeon for what I had. I had the surgery a week later and I am completely cured.

One thing the experience taught me while I was there and seeing other patients was how fortunate I really was. Mine was extremely cureable, while with some of the others I knew they weren't going to make it. It's not fair.

Another thing I learned was that the disease is not selective. You could be Bill Gates or a homeless person, and to the disease it doesn't matter. Athiest, satanist, or fervent Christian, the disease doesn't know what you are.

Something else is the American diet. Most things the average American eats is not good. And we eat too much of it. Science has proven that it contributes to the growth of cancers.

I've also developed a deeper respect for others and their needs. Today what makes me the most happy is helping others, even if it costs money. It has never failed to come back to me many times over and in more ways than I could have ever imagined.

I wish you and your wife the best of luck and you make sure she does what she is supposed to. My heart goes out to both of you. Feel free to email me if you need to talk.

Answer 2

When my wife developed cancer, a friend of hers told us, " this will be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life." My reaction was, yea, right,. If Cancer is rewarding, then being run over by a cement truck must be pure ecstasy.

But as time went by, I realized she was right. Your car is 6  years old. So?  The Dallas Cowboys lost. Big deal!You don't live in the fanciest of houses. So? What is most important? Getting the upper hand on the cancer.  you learn .what is important?? You don;t sweat the stuff that isn't worth sweating over.

  The person who told this to us only lived another 6 months. She had breast cancer , but I'll be she lived more in the last 6 months of her life than she did in the first 60 years.

Answer 3

I am sitting at a local hospital watching my mom sleep right now.  She is in the ICU, stage IV breast cancer and recently pleural effusion and lymphedema after her mastectomy.  The doctors said that she has only a few days to live... a few days ago.  She isn't able to eat by mouth and are refusing to feed her through the tube nor the IV, so she is starving to death.  All of this because of a misdiagnosis.  She came in when she was in the first stage but the doctor told her to not worry about it, everything was fine, and try to ignore the pain until it went away.  Well, it didn't go away and the next time she came in she was already stage IV.  

I'm not trying to sound depressing here, I'm just setting you up for the lessons that cancer has taught me, so you will have a little better understanding of where I'm coming from.  

1.  Life is unfair.  My mom is the breadwinner of the house, she is kind, caring, and has had my unemployed father and 24 year old deadbeat brother to carry on her shoulders before the sickness (2 years) and until she stopped being able to work a few weeks ago.  She did not miss work even while she was going through chemo and radiation.  She is the last person in the world to deserve this brutal disease and it unfortunately has left me with quite the negative outlook on life.  If this can happen to her, there is no ultimate balance nor fairness in the world as far as I can see.

2.  I am a coward.  Instead of trying to be around my mom as much as I could while she was still healthier, I chose to overwork myself in an attempt to escape and not think about the pain in my heart.  I did need the money, there is no doubt about that, but I worked way more than I needed to survive.  

3. When you go to a doctor about something as serious as this.  Go to another for a second opinion.  Then another for a third.

4.  My life has become a nightmare and I really want to wake up.  I know we're not alone in going through this, but I just want to go back to the times when my biggest worry was whether or not I would have enough time to play computer games after my homework.

I'm a 20 year old and I feel like my soul is numb of old age--because it has already seen too much.  

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you and your wife strength.  Please try not to let the pessimism consume your heart as it has mine, but this is the greatest challenge of them all when someone that is near and dear to your heart is being physically and emotionally abused by an invisible monster.