What makes an extremely private person so private?

Question

I rave recently reconnected with an old friend (actually an old childhood friend/old flame) with whom I lost contact 18 years ago. We have both been divorced, and both are stil quite fond of one another. But because of all that he has been through w his former wife, he has become extremely private. I am the polar opposite! How can I be a good friend to him, be there for him and earn his trust? Sometimes he shares his heart with me. Other times, he guardes his private matters very closely. I want to understand what makes the private person so guarded. Is it a fear of something? I know my friend wants me in his life as a friend, and I don't want to intrude farther than he wants me. I don't want to let him down in any way, as he is truly a very old friend and dear person to me.

Answer 1

What Batgrl85 said.  No I'm not g*y!

Answer 2

hello!

i think a private person is private because a number of things combined together.

naturally i think they have very guarded personalities, but alongside this, past hurts and abandonments, pride (not wanting to appear weak), a general disbelief in humanity, a lack of trust in knowing if you really will be there when he needs you - not because of what you do, but just because they (we) are insecure or have low self-esteem.

There are a lot of things...

for me, i think you can be there for him and support him in ways other than listening to his problems. if you know something is wrong, do things to cheer him up, or show him that you are there for him and that it doesnt matter whether you know why or what is bothering him, spend time with him when hes upset so he wont feel like hes alone dealing with his problems. give him the space he desires, but show him you care.

if he and i are anything alike, which it sounds like we are, when hes comfortable and ready, I think he will come to you.

good luck.

hes lucky to have a friend like you in his life that cares so much.

you're a good friend...