What needs to be done when planning to adopt?

Question

A woman that we know is planning on giving her baby up for adoption. She is very into it, that relatives that know her already talked to my brother if he and his wife would consider adopting the baby. My brother is for it but his wife isn't. He suggested that I would adopt the baby, which I wish I could but dont know what are the steps I need to take. We have our own house, my family lives with me and I work, everyone is for it. I know I need to contact a lawyer for that but, do we need to sign papers first then go to the hospital to pick the baby?? or the mother decides when to go? how much a lawyer charges for this?? I want all to be legal, when the lady does not. She is not from the USA and she is planning on getting rid of the baby one way or another before going back to her country to her husband. She is due either this month or next. She hasnt seek any help, typical behavior of a woman that does not want to get attached to the baby. Any suggestions will be appreciated, thanks

Answer 1

If the mother has agreed that you can adopt the child and is really all for this than she needs to contact an attorney. You need one as well but it is concidered unethical to have an adoption attorney call a pregnant woman. She needs to make the call herself. This will also show you if she is serious or not before you pay the money for a home study. She will need to do this right away though as time is running out. Once you feel she is really serious about giving this child to you than you need to get a home study done immediately. Ours was $1650 in Michigan but it can be higher or lower depending on your state. The attorneys (ours was $2500, hers was $1500) will make a hospital plan and make sure you can visit the baby, have the medical records and leave the hospital when the baby is ready.

  Another way to do things is guardianship. If she isn't sure or is all over the place than guardianship would at least save you a lot of money if she decides to parent. You said she doesn't want it to be legal? What does she have in mind?

Answer 2

Do you really really want the baby? Do you want to treat it as your own? If so spend the money and make it happen. A loved child that has the backing of loving parents will go far. When you adopt this child I would be Honored to be an Uncle and be able to tell it no when the need is there. It does not take a community to raise a child, but it does take a family.

                                                                        LOL,

                                                                        Rock

Answer 3

I would start by first examining your own feelings.  Why are you considering this?  Are you doing this out of convenience or availability?

Second, assuming you are doing this because you want to be a parent and are doing it for the child, you should probably have some counseling together with the birth mom.  It could be with a priest, minister, or family counselor.

Third, you need to find a lawyer that specializes in family law.  They will tell you all the hoops you need to go through.  Have them prepare everything legally to get the adoption finalized in court.

Answer 4

Have her read this - and hope that she understands the full implications of what she is getting into.

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

I know too many relinquishing mothers and adoptees that hurt because an adoption should not have happened.

'Get rid of the baby one way or the other' - OUCH.

I already feel great pain for yet another child not wanted by his/her mother.

People don't even think about how adoptee's feel about this stuff when they grow up.

Adopting this child will never fully fix that pain of being given away for being conceived and born at an inconvenient time.