What or how should I handle this with my STB ex husband and our kids...PLEASE HELP!!?

Question

Sunday was awful, I really feel bad for my babies how we both behaved. I broke out his window, he pulled out a gun starting shooting, I ran my truck on the grass, the neighbors called the police and I went to jail. My kids saw it all. Now I'm down about my behavior infront of my babies, how I allowed my husband to push me that far...and upset that they saw him at his worst, shooting a gun. The kids are sooo shakin up and afraid of him, and extremely clingy to me. (recent update)...for 2 mos during the separation, I allowed him to basically have his cake and eat it to. Not seeing the kids view, (daddy in a few days and gone for a few)..I was being selfish and pacifying my own needs. Anyway, my emotions were too involved and I snapped. Monday I changed my ph number and opened a new email acct. Today...5 days later, he emails me and say "tell me when I can get my babies...I can pick them up when I finish playing basketball and bring them back Sunday". 3 thigs here, 1. I'm not mentally or emotionally ready to deal with him on ANY level...2 my kids are soo afraid of him b/c of what they saw and how we behaved. 3. when we were on "good" terms him stopping by, s******g me and leaving, he went almost 2 weeks without seeing them. But the moment I get pissed and pull back, "he want to see his kids" I have not responded b/c I know he will push a button or manipulate my emotions. It's a 8 yr pattern. I know right now I am extremely weak, and need to know is it fair for me to deal with him later on maybe in a few weeks, but 5 days after ALL OF THIS is just too much on me. My hands constantly shake, and head spin with so much running thru my body. I walk around with a Bible and read it all day to keep me from crying.

Answer 1

Time to sit down with a counselor and make peparations to move out, get your own place and divorce, find another man and live life to the fullest.

Just because this marriage fails doesn't mean the next one will. You need love in your life not hatred and all this wreckless behavior.

If I could tak to you in person you would be better off trust me, your okay, you just need to relax and re-group./

Answer 2

He has a right to see his children but not if they are terrified of him and his behavior. You need to tell him no and list those reasons. If he persists, tell him to file a legal motion to allow it to happen with supervised visitation.  

Answer 3

If I were you I wouldn't let him near my babies.  I don't care that he's their father.  You're their mother.  You are what's best for them.  First, I would get a restraining order, then I would move, change my number, e-mail address and tell all my friends and family to please keep my whereabouts secret.  If he wants to see his kids, he could go through the proper channels in court.  Men like this rarely follow through with these legalities, they use seeing the kids as an excuse to keep in contact with you.  If he does go to court, file for child support, otherwise don't even bother.  Just put as much distance between you as possible.  You won't be happy until you get this poison out of your life.

Think about it, if someone was keeping your kids from you, wouldn't you do everything legally possible to see them? Of course you would, because you love them.  If he doesn't make legal efforts, he doesn't love them like you do. There's no need to feel guilty about keeping them away from him. He has rights.  If he's too dumb, lame and lazy to pursue them, you shouldn't help him.  Your babies are better off left in peace.

Answer 4

You cannot keep his kids from him.  Plan a drop off and have a family member drop them off for you.  Than get a court order for a mutual drop off.

I personally think the kids are better off without either on of you.

Answer 5

KEEP THAT BIBLE AND PRAYER CLOSE TO YOU!!

I'm not going to dwell on what happened....but youknow what will happen so follow your heart and GODS leading. WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES!

NOW WALK TOWARDS HEALING FOR YOU AND THE CHILDREN!!

Praying 4 you!

Answer 6

look i know that divorce is a trauma, it can effect you but also your kids. Let your kids see both of you. Only though under Your supper-vision. That way they get to see him but have protection. And if he has anything that could scare of harm someone tell him your leaving for the kids sake. Tell you kids that daddy didn't mean to scare them and it was a problem you two should of resolved by counselings. If they still don't want to see their father, and are still afraid don't make them. Tell him its the kids decision. Fear can kill a kid inside. Its probably making them have nightmares. Ask them about that. If you don't It could haunt them forever even when they are 20.

P.S. might wanna take them to a trauma council er.

Answer 7

you guys must live in the south.....

Answer 8

Who had the kids when you were in jail? Anyhow, I'm glad you're putting your kids' feelings into this whole mess. Seek a lawyer for legal custody of your kids. E-mail him back and say you and your kids aren't ready to see him yet.

Answer 9

supervised visits. I personally wouldnt feel safe with him taking the kids. He might hurt them. you need to think about that.  

Answer 10

Is this real?  If it is...that is so messed up!  Everyone involved sounds crazy and like they have a 5th grade education!  Really, people like you and your husband/bf should not reproduce (have kids).  

Stop thinking about yourself.  Think of your kids.  Your kids did not ask to have stupid parents...they don't deserve this.  I think they should be put in foster care....you both sound dangerous, unstable and unfit to be parents.