What problems to rape victims have later on in life?

Question

i was raped when i was 17, i am now 23 and feel some of the problems i have in life with myself, in relationships, etc. i dont know how to deal with or are affected by what happend. after i was rapes i had many partners but a year ago i decided im not have s*x with anyone else unless i know they are worth it and its been a year since ive had s*x. i also never had a good relationship with my father, he never cared, never spoke to me. im just confused about all sorts of things in life, please help

Answer 1

The actual figures read something like this: 94% suffer acute stress disorder immediately afterwards (2 weeks), 42% have full blown PTSD six months later. Typical feelings include: extreme tenseness, humiliation, guilt, depression or loss of self esteem. Some develop phobias. This next bit is actually more relevant: many develop negative attitudes towards s*x,  sexual problems are frequent long term consquences.

Factors which can reduce the duration of these effects are supportive friends or a supportive partner, and in part how they percieved the rape (which was the most important factor to the individual, which is why responses vary so much). Crisis intervention or therapy is advised. Therapies tend to be similar to those used when dealing with PTSD, the Cognitive Processing Therapy is the most recent, with a lot of empirical validation. That's just if you haven't had therapy (pointless advice if you have, sorry. Although there's no reason not to go back if you are still experiencing problems. That's quite common). You could always try a non-sexual dating relationship (more common than you might think) to get used to intimacy again. Because anxiety is supposedly at the root of a lot of the associated problems, you could try anxiety reducing methods like mediation or deep relaxation.

Answer 2

Go ahead and email me, I think I can help you out.

Answer 3

no one can tell you how you should deal with your misfortunes, which is good and bad. you have no expectations you need to meet, and even other rape victims can't fully understand your own situation. So the most help people can be is a listener, as you work out your own path.

I think from friends who've been through similar situations and some of my own tragic past, that not only are you already stronger as a result (demonstrated by your reaching out here, if nothing else), but you will eventually, or already have, embraced these events as a part of your life story.

the little I know is that you are allowed to be as angry or as nonchalant about the situation as you want to. Don't feel like you're supposed to feel a certain way. Personally I have tried and usually consult others to use all the negative feelings, the hate (if it's there), the fear... etc. use all of that as fuel. because you can hide it from everyone but yourself. If you allow it to control your life, or stifle it, you are still a victim (which is ok... but not preferable). Use it as fuel, or a justification, for making yourself stronger and more level-headed, more priority driven etc.

feel entitled to a wee bit of selfish pursuit. It's your ghost, you have to deal with it.

You are not intimate with others because you don't feel good about yourself... I say you make your life as great as it can be, and (even metaphorically) shove that success in your aggressors face. f' them. And when your life is running right, all the good stuff falls in your lap. People always want to be around the (fun/motivated/passionate/principled/etc... person. you have to show others how you should be treated, and you only live once so don't settle.

don't ever ever ever forget, that they were (are) the weak one. They were (are) the evil. And you can prove it by living your life the way YOU want to, here forward.

Good luck.

send me names I'll break kneecaps.. j/k i'm a wimp.

Answer 4

We reenact our childhood experiences in our sexual relationships.

I'm just guessing here, but I'd be willing to bet your distrust of your father and the emotional pain between you two, has encouraged you to meet men who are similar in attitude; who emotionally abandon you as you were abandoned and cut off by your father.

This should not be taken as blame for your rape. Rape is a crime and it takes a criminal to do it. But it might explain why you were in the position that someone to advantage of, in order to rape you.

I think your decision to refrain from s*x is sound. You need sometime to heal and gain perspective.

Eventually, you will have to learn to trust and rely on a man. This man, for your sake, should be the total opposite of the father you grew up with (warm, attentive, protective, confident, engaging, a leader, and a good provider).

And you'll have to watch yourself continuously that you don't treat him as you might your father. Often, because we were never able to express ourselves to a parent or authority figure, we unleash that anger upon someone who is more open and accessible.

The only part of your question that worries me is this: "unless i know they are worth it."

Clearly, if you are having relationship trouble....your expertise on how to evaluate a man might need some fine tuning.

So make it a priority to meet happily married women with good husbands and happy homes. Emulate them. Ask them questions. Learn what they did and why the did it. Educate yourself on their values.

And the next guy you'll pick will be a winner.

Good luck!