What process do i have to go through to adopt my husband's newborn baby???

Question

She will be born October 19th.

This is a bit confusing, see I have known this woman since middle school and she is also 7 months pregnant, well she had asked me to adopt her baby and well my husband and I are very interested. So instead of going through a hard adoption process he will be signing the birth certificate as her biological father so she will also have our last name. The mother is willing to sign over her rights so i would like to know how i go about adopting or becoming the mother to this baby since my husband will already be the father?

Are we able to put my name on the birth certificate instead of the biological mothers?

What about if we were to say she was our surrogate mother?

Also how can i quickly be put as the babies legal guardian until i can fully make her mine?

Please any help is greatly appreciated!

Answer 1

Better hope the bio dad doesn't find out!  Fraud is such a harsh crime.  I would have the mother sign over her rights first then consult a lawyer and you both adopt her.  What's to say this woman isn't just trying to get child support out of you...your hubby's name is on the certificate, he pays child support.  Then he will have to prove it's not his (at your expense) and then explain to a judge why his name is on it!

Answer 2

This is a horrible idea all the way around.  I agree with the others that you need to consult an attorney and go about this the legal way - your husband included.

If you can't see past your own blind desire to bring a child into the home to do what's best for that baby, then you and your husband don't deserve to be parents.  Think carefully about the chaos that could happen that child's life if you raise him/her for a few years, and then they are ripped from your home b/c of your fradulent "parent" status.

Answer 3

You need to consult a lawyer and formally adopt the child.  What you and your husband are doing is fraudulent, and will most likely cause a lot of pain in the future-for you and your husband, the biological parents, and most importantly THE CHILD.

If this woman EVER changes her mind, all she has to do is go to court and get the child back-whether it be one month later or ten years later.  If you do not legally adopt the child, you have no legal right to the child.  Also, if the biological father ever finds out he can disrupt your family.  Everyone thinks these things will never be found, but believe me it will happen one day.

No, you can not put your name on the birth certificate instead of the birth mother's.  It is highly unethical and illegal to put your husband's name on the birth certificate when you know he is not the father.  If you are found out, you will face legal charges-and possibly kidnapping (this could be viewed as black market baby selling).

IF you do put his name on the birth certificate, and you choose to adopt the child as yours...you will need to go to court and complete a step parent adoption.  The biological mother will need to go to court also, sign over her rights, and a homestudy will be completed for you and your husband (although you are already the "parents"-albeit fraudulently in this case).  

Using the surrogacy route would not work either, as before surrogacy is done legal paperwork is completed and it is highly complicated and the laws regarding it vary from state to state (in fact, in some states it is illegal).

I suggest that instead of commiting fraud, you either formally go through the adoption process (both you and your husband) or you and your husband can get her to go to court and give you guardianship-you would be the legal guardians of the child, but not on the birth certificate.  One of these routes would be much safer for all parties involved.  Most importantly, THE CHILD.

What seems like a good situation now, may not be in the future-what happens when this woman changes her mind and wants HER child back?  And it will still legally be hers, if  you did not complete the procedures to legally make her yours.

PLEASE be careful.

Answer 4

If you mean legal adoption, go to an adoption attorney with him. Other wise, just marry him, and you will have adopted the child through marriage. You could also ask her, to put the baby up for adoption, and let you adopt it. But talk to an adoption attorney, first.

Answer 5

I would have a tendancy to believe that the "birth father" has

"Rights" to have a sayso, with a descendant of his bloodline,

but the  birth mother CAN allow you to accept Guardianship

of the Child...

I believe it is wrong for your husband to sign the Baby's

birth certificate, because at some time or other, there might

have to be a blood-test (DNA), and I do think you guys are

playing "god", when you shouldn't...because this is a human

being, and there are ''Legal Measures" Laws which must be

followed for the process to be done properly.

It is not right to start this baby's life out, with such a huge LIE

as  you are trying to get done...and affect this baby's life like

that...and perhaps damage that child's mind for the rest of

it's life.

A Guardianship Document is easily gotten, probably cost

a few hundred dollars, maybe $1200, but if you're serious

then this wouldn't be too much for you to ''dish out'', for such

a precious thing as the ''life of a child".

In the long run tho, the "birth father still has rights" to put

claim to the child....at any age the child is...no matter is the

birth mother allowed you to adopt it...which can't legally be

done, without ''consent of the birth father.

Then there's the subject of Child Support.

You and your husband can be the child's legal guardian,

and should the birth mother wish to ''give her rights'', then

she can sign an ''agreement, to be written into a CLAUSE,

of the Guardianship, as to that effect", but she still has a

year in which she can change her mind...even in Adoption..

any child has to be ''under the umbrella of the court, for one

year'' unless otherwise stated by the judge...the court system.

It is my belief, that anyone who ''messes with the life of a

minor child, and does not involve all the Parties (individuals)

involved, isn't doing what's in the Best Interest of the child,

itself."

If the birth father is a Respectable Person, and fit to be a

father, then he should be notified, and could legally be

notified, by the court system...upon filing of the Guardianship.

It would be best to ''consult with an attorney'' before either

of you ''mess up the situation''.

I do not advise that ''your husband put his name on the

birth certificate'', unless he is the biological father...because

this can add confusion...too.

There is one way that the ''birth mother'' can ''hand over''

her child to you, and that is for Each of you, to sign a paper,

a paper which states that the baby was born to (name the

birth mother) and that she is ''willing allowing you to take

Possession of the child", and the other paper designates

that ''you and your husband Accept the Responsibility of the

child", and once the infant is in your possession,  you can

then file for legal Adoption...''because then you can claim

that you do not know the name of the birth father....

I've seen this type of situation done, and it was done, just

by the consent of the birth mother...through just an Agreement

typed up the ''adoptive parents'', and when both sets of

people, the birth mother and the "Adoptive Parents'' signed

the Agreement.

On the agreement, you need to put the''identification number''

that's on the hospital record / bracelet of the baby when it

is born...any information on that document...

Then this ''gives you the Right", after a year or so, to file, for

the Adoption Process, because you can then claim, that you

do not know how the '''birth parents'' can be ''contacted"...

and then you ''follow the Orders / Advise'' of the attorney,

and Both you and Your Husband can sign an "Adoptive Birth

Certificate" and the whole thing will be legal...and less

costly...to you at the present time...

When the Notary Paper is Signed by  the birth mother, THEN

YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND CAN ''MAKE CLAIM'' TO THE

CHILD, and sign anything about the child, as if she is your

own, and if I were you, I would do it this way, instead of

messing it up the other way.

Good Luck and Bless you for Caring so Much that you would

take it upon yourself to feel this compassionate about an

infant that is not of your bloodline...TF

I

Answer 6

Putting your husbands name on the birth certificate does not make him the legal father or guardian.  Anyone could challenge that, and a simple blood test could take away any rights that he thinks he has.  If he does not go through the right steps to legally become that childs father then you could be looking at a messy situation later in life if anyone challenges you (the birth father, birth mother or her family or anybody else that has it out for you guys and knows what you did).  In most states, the birth fathers rights can be revoked if the birth mom says she doesn't know who it is (although I don't necessarily agree with that if she does in fact know who he is).

It would be no more expensive for each of you to legally adopt the baby than it would be for you to go through the adoption process with your husbands name on the birth certificate, so I don't understand why you wouldn't to go about it the right way.

Unfortunately for her to be considered your surrogate mother, the legal paperwork would have to have been done before she got pregnant.  It's a very sticky situation you guys are in, I would highly recommend going about it legally and ethically to protect everyone down the road.

Answer 7

okay this is ETHICALLY WRONG TO DO!! if you husband is not the father then he should NOT be signing the original birth certificate!!!! The biological father should be!!! you are messing with this unborn childs ancestiral heritage here!! That is a violation of his/her civil rights!!!! Once a legal adoption happens the original birth certificate gets sealed away anyways, you have no right to falsify it willingly and knowingly, that is just flat out wrong!!! What if he wants to find out who his biological parents are??? Have you ever considered that??? oh my gosh, the nerve!!!

And have you ever considered that the biological father of this child might want to raise him/her if he found out that he exists???? And when he does find out, if you have falsified these documents all he has to do is come in, prove paternity and take the child back legally through the courts. We all know how slow the justice system is and that will REALLY be damaging for the child!! To lose his mother ( which causes massive separation issues ) attach to you and your husband, then get drawn through the courts and go to his/her dad that he's never met because you guys tried scamming him out of his childs life??? this is absurd!!!

He needs to be tracked down, and asked if he wants to raise his child. His mother needs a good raality check too!!

Answer 8

I hope your husband knows what he is doing. Signing off the birth certificate, that can bring lots of trouble. This girls intentions could be not very good ones. She can come then legally against your husband later. I would not recommend that either of you sign off the birth certificate. CONSULT A LAWYER BEFORE YOU SIGN ANYTHING. There could be lots of things you could regret later. Don't trust her just because you know her since middle school. I tell you from experience. People suprise you when you least expect it.  REALLY. DON'T SIGN ANYTHING YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND, LEAST OF ALL YOUR HUSBAND, UNTIL YOU CONSULT A LAWYER.

Answer 9

No its is NOT his and this IS fraud. If the father EVER finds out he could have a paternity test done and file charges against you BOTH for KIDNAPPING his child and YES that is what you are doing. The REAL father has rights to this child and I hope you all go to jail for trying to take his child away from him and that they put the baby in HIS custody FAR FAR away from you. Signing the birth certificate does NOT make him the father and a simple DNA test can have his name erased from the birth certificate. YES I HAVE seen it done. A friend of mine thought the baby was his and he signed the birth certificate but shortly afterward the girls ex showed up and found out she had a baby and filed a request through the court house for a DNA test. The two had to go to the court house with the child and have a DNA test done that came back to be his and he sued her for not telling him she was pregnant, had the other guy taken off the birth certificate, the name changed, and joint custody of the child with HIS home as the primary residence. You will seriously be hurting this child by what you are planning. She would be breaking the law by doing this and ANY adoption would be invalid.

Answer 10

I think you need a lawyer to make sure this is legal and that she cant say anything years down the road please protect yourself and the child make sure all is legal

Answer 11

You can consult a lawyer to accomplish all this, but I'm not sure of the purpose of all the secrecy.

You should use a lawyer or agency to help you facilitate a private adoption.  Your husband should NOT be listed on the birth certificate under any circumstances.

The biological father needs to be notified and needs to terminate his parental rights in order for things to move forward.  The biological mother will also need to go through a legal process to terminate her parental rights.

If you do this under the table (listing your dh as the birth father and/or listing you as the mother...IF that could even be done), this WILL come back to bite you in the butt.

Can you imagine being at home one day with your sweet little baby...now toddling around at 18 months old, fully attached to you & your dh...and the feelings are returned.  You're sitting on the floor with your baby...playing with her...maybe playing with a baby doll and smiling and laughing happily.  A knock at the door.  You get up and answer and it's either a police officer or social services & they're there to remove your baby from your home.  You start to cry and panic & ask what is going on & they let you know that the ACTUAL birth father has found out that there was a baby born and that he wants to parent the child.  They remove the child pending paternity and investigation into all this.  You, your husband and the birth mother are all dragged into court & maybe even receive jail sentences for kidnapping or some other charge.  Even if there are no criminal charges...can you imagine living the rest of your life without the child to whom you'd become so attached?  Can you imagine your child going through life with this trauma hanging over her head?  It will be traumatic for her.

Imagine another scenario.  Imagine that your child is 12 and she's asked questions all along about her birth and everything.  If you've been totally dishonest with her, you might have told her something along the lines of she was born to you & your dh...that you used a surrogate to carry her...perhaps that your dh had an affair and you decided to adopt her.  Or...maybe you've been partially honest with her & told her that she was privately adopted.  No matter what, if you haven't been honest, there are relational, emotional and physical ramifications that she will have to suffer for the rest of her life.  My opinion is that you need to be honest with adopted children, giving them age-appropriate information about their adoption story.

Is this what you want?  Do you want the baby to suffer?  Do you want to suffer?  Does your dh want to suffer?  Do you want to cheat the birth father out of knowing he has a child and giving him the option to terminate parental rights?  I sure couldn't look at MYself in the mirror every morning knowing I was living a lie.

Answer 12

YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN SOME BAD ADVICE!!!

You need to consult an adoption attorney immediately!  What you are suggesting is illegal, unethical, and can be cause for the real biological father to get immediate custody if he ever finds out.  A birth certificate is a legal document, and to falsify that is a punishable offense for you, your husband, and the birth mother.  It is what amounts to kidnapping!

When I was going through an adoption, we accidentally said that someone had used a false name for the birth father (what we meant was that they had used a made up name when discussing him to protect his privacy [the attorneys knew his real name]) the lawyers corrected us immediately.  Even the suggestion of fraud would have stopped the entire process until the real name was determined.

The adoption process can be very easy and relatively inexpensive if the birth mother and REAL biological father consent.  You should both be able to use the same lawyer, so there is only one set of attorney's fees.  If the birth mother has insurance, you won't have to pay medical costs.  The only other costs would be any moneys paid to the birth mother for lost wages.

Answer 13

You guys need to contact an adoption agency, and let them know what you want to do. You have to go through the adoption process that other adoption parents want - but you know what child yuo are getting - it's called a "designated adoption".

Good luck and congrats!

PS. Here's a site that I found that may help!

Answer 14

get a lawyer..so she wont come back to claim whats hers..if it is your husbands than there might be less paperwork..but you will still need a lawyer...good luck

Answer 15

YOUR HUSBAND IS PREGNANT?!!!

CONGRATS!

Answer 16

Firstly I would get a lawyer. I don't think it's a good idea for your husband to sign on the birth certificate. You never know what this women's intentions really are. I was adopted at birth and I have two birth certificates. The first one is the one that says who my biological parents are and the name they gave me. The second one, which I got a few days after I was born, was my adoptive parents names and the name they gave me. I think this would be a better solution for your family.

Answer 17

Consult a lawyer is the best advice you will get on this forum.