What punishments work for a 12 yr old boy?

Question

Starting this year in school our son is not doing his homework assignments. We check his backpack but he will hide his huge projects until the day before it is due and at that time will say something about it but will lie or blame the teacher in some way why he hasn't done it. We have tried taking privledges away, giving him extra chores but nothing works. We have had him write homework down and have the teacher initial it but he doesn't do it. It is like he doesn't care if he gets punished. We do email his teacher now to make sure we find out about the work but we need to find a stronger punishment for him that he will take seriously.

Answer 1

Been there done that my son is now 14 & 12 was hard for us.  There was a quarter in school that the only things that were in his room was a bed, dresser & a desk. due to a D on report card and being diruptive in class.  I was lucky my son plays babseball I did not take that away from him but I did tell his coach.  sure enogh grades back up to A's & behavior at home & in class great.  I think the coach told him he would bench him if he did not shape up.  Oh he also had him 1 more lap then the rest of the kids.

Answer 2

Take away his TV, computer, cell phone, friends, favorite foods, going outside, anything he likes. It will work if you don't give in!!!

Answer 3

I will tell you everyone says you shouldnt spank you children and I agree a spanking wont do SH*t take the belt to him next time he hides his homework that will straighten him right out... Trust me my dad used a belt on me daily for 23 years and I came out just fine!

Answer 4

He cant go to a friends house

Cant use the computer,phone or tv

cant use his cell

I hope this helped!

-Tara

Answer 5

It would mean a lot more work on your part, but might you show up at school every day and talk to the teachers to make sure he has all the assignments. If you let him see you talking to them he will know you care and are cooperating.

Also have you tried a private tutor?

Answer 6

My 12 year old struggles off and on in school. He wasn't turning in his homework or studying for tests. We completely took away TV and video games and told him he had to spend his free time doing homework, studying or reading. I am able to check his grades online and his teachers update their websites daily with homework assignments. So I am always checking up on him. If he is passing all his classes he is allowed to watch TV and play video games on the weekends and when his homework and studying are complete. He does well as long as I stay consistent and constantly check up on his assignments. If I stop, he falls behind again. We also reward him with presents and extra privileges when he does well on his report cards.

Be consistent and do not let up.

We also had the talk about what happens when you fail about school, what kind of jobs you can get. That seemed to help him too.

Answer 7

stick grenade in his back pack and spray dw40 down his throat. When you find he doesnt do his work, hug him while he leaves. While doing this pull the pin of the grenade, Him and all his punk friends will be dead in no time. It worked for me, the "celebrat" with the mister

Answer 8

What would really stink for him is if he were to not do his homework, not pass the grade & have to do it all over again.  Not sure if you want to let it go that far, though.  But, that is the natural consequence of his not taking responsibility for this.  

He probably doesn't care if he gets punished.  Additionally, the punishment isn't helping him to figure out why doing his homework is the best choice for him - why he should be doing it for his own benefit.  

By his age, he should understand the reason for & benefits of homework.  Clearly, though, he hasn't quite internalized that lesson, yet.  So, it's time to go back to the teaching phase on this one.  

Let him know that, until he starts showing that he understands this responsibility for himself, you are going to have to supervise him & make sure that this work gets done.  Make sure that you explain to him, again & in a variety of ways, how his education is important to him and how homework is a vital part of that.  

Set aside a daily time after school for him to sit at a quiet table or desk & do his homework.  With his teacher, decide on a proper length of time for this on average.  Then, every day, whether he has written down or brought home homework or not, he has to have his supervised homework time.  If he doesn't have work, be sure to have backup work available for him, working with his teacher to keep it relevant to whatever subject & level he's working on at the time.  

Over time, he will realize that he might as well at least be getting the work done that he's supposed to be doing, since he's going to be sitting there working, anyway.  Work with his teacher to determine when he's started bringing home all of the required homework.

At that point, you can start to give him a little more independence.  But, don't just throw him out on his own, all at once.  Instead, talk to him about how he's going to schedule his time, in order to keep on fulfilling his responsibility.  Help him brainstorm plans that feel good for him, that he can take ownership & pride in.  Then, help him evaluate & adjust the plan, over time, to make sure it works for him.  

During this supervised (and semi-supervised) phase, you should also teach him how to manage his time for larger projects.  Help him come up with a plan that breaks each project down into manageable pieces, so that he does not feel overwhelmed by them in the future.

Answer 9

SPANK SPANK SPANK. Everyone is always blaming tv, movies, video games, etc. for the degradation of child and teen behavior. Isn't it funny that all these school shootings and young offender crimes skyrocketed about the same time the anti-spanking lobby got thier way? Kids don't have any hard consequences for thier actions anymore. My old man used a belt and I tell you the thought of that belt stopped me dead in my tracks from doing some stupid things. Spank your kids for the good of society!!

Answer 10

you got off easy with the belt. my dad used to beat me with the garden hose if i brought home anything less than an B.

Answer 11

I totally applaud you for being as involved as you are!  Most parents would not go to this extent and it is very refreshing to hear about your sincere interest in your son's academic career.  

As far as punishment...is your son possibly avoiding the work for any reason?  Is he having difficulties learning or focusing on his work?  Is he an average student or below average student?  Only reason why I'm saying this is because I have some students who behave in this manner only because they are ashamed to tell myself or their parents that learning is difficult for them.  Some of my students have a thing called "Central Auditory Processing" (CAP) and it affects the way the spoken word goes into the brain and how it's processed.  It's certainly not something to be embarrassed about, it's just how your son might process the information in school.  Maybe he is not "getting it" the way the other boys and girls are....it might be totally overwhelming and frustrating to him inside.  It also could be a learning disability....which also causes children to need extra attention and patience in the learning process.  Teachers are aware of these disorders and shouldn't be unwilling to work with your son.  It's just a suggestion because as I was reading your question, I immediately thought of my students and that this behavior is typical in children who are afraid to admit school might just be a bit too hard.  

Good luck to you.  You can always email me if you need any more info about CAP.

Answer 12

Maybe punishment isn't the best approach at this point. Find out WHY he is behaving this way. Maybe he is having a problem at school or has dyslexia or something. Maybe it isn't that he is rebelling it could be because of an underlying issue. Talk to him and try to find out what is going on. If you determine that it is just because he doesn't want to make him do hard labor: clean the garage, clean the gutters, wash walls, etc.

Answer 13

If you take something away that means it isn't a privlige.  A privlige is something that has to be EARNED before getting it.  Therefore there is no taking away.  His homework is HIS responsiblity not your's and you need to leave it in his hands.  If it isn't completed, not turned in that is HIS fault and he will eventually suffer the consequences, possibly fail a grade.  The world won't end if he fails a grade, he will simply have to either go to summer school or be held back.  You might also recongize that he is going through puberty now...and try to remember YOUR puberty...were YOU a perfect child?  Did YOU always do what you were told?  You might also pick up Dr. John Rosemond's book "How to end the Homework Hassle".  It has some good tips in it...you son is 12 years old now...time to start cutting the apron strings and let him sink or swim on his own.

Answer 14

Let him fail the school year and repeat the grade. This can work wonders.

Answer 15

Don't spank him he is a little too old for that ground him and take things away from him make him stay in the corner for an hour.

Answer 16

if he cares not to be punished, then try this. When he gets home send him straight to his room....take all his stuff like: T.V, Games, etc and tell him he can only come out to eat....or if he really needs too. See if then he likes his imprisonment!