What qualifications would I need to become a traffic warden?

Question

Only I was sacked from my Loo cleaning job lol

Answer 1

none.

Answer 2

The qualifications needed are hard to get, you need an ' A level in 'keep looking at your watch' this takes real skill, as you need to really concentrate on looking at the car and watch at same time,

A level in 'hiding round the corner', this qualification is also hard to get, as you also need to know how to use the 'now you see me, now you don't' cloak

you need good customer service skills this part is easy to do just learn to say " I really dont give a sh*t" and " I dont like doing this but I got bills to pay".

Reading and writing skills are also important to do this job as this part is the hardest to learn, you must really try to make sure that you get the ticket spot on and placed correctly on the windscreen.( if you feel you cant read or write properly, don't worry you will be supplied with a digital camera to take pictures of the offending car.

Before you make your mind up to be a Traffic warden look in the mirror just to check your appearance as they only take on sc*m-bags with nothing to live for, no life, waster that can't get decent jobs and were most probably the bullies at school.

Answer 3

The qualification is simple, you just have to have your brain removed.

Answer 4

To be a snooping snide..

Answer 5

Sorry, if you were sacked from your loo cleaning job and want to become a traffic warden you will find that you are over qualified.

If you go to Wiltshire and get a job of a pond moonraker for a year, that may get you the experience, but I doubt it.

Answer 6

all you need to do is have your d**k moved to your forehead

remove brain

Answer 7

A heartless attitude helps.  You'll become the butt of the worst and most vulgar jokes in the annals of English humour and vulgarity.

You will have no friends.

You will be spat upon by children in passing pushchairs while their mother's give you the middle finger salute.

Even your own children will deny they know you.

You will become an outcast from civil society.

"Hello and what do you do?"

"I'm a traffic warden"

....silence

Answer 8

Can you say your name?

That's a start, just don't tell them you can read, and write, if you can. They're like the Police, they're often seen in pairs, because one will  be able to read, the other able to write.

And if you know the right way round to sit on a toilet seat, don't even go there!

Answer 9

A very worthy job indeed and you are obviously well suited.  We need a lot more people like you who can't even clean toilets properly to be traffic wardens.  If this fails, you could get a job as a security guard and p**s peole off at Heathrow instead.

Answer 10

Tried to think of something funny to say but,honestly,go get yourself a more worthy job!Do you really want to be scum of the earth?I would reapply for a bog cleaning job.

Answer 11

If you can write your own name then you are overqualified.

Answer 12

Sounds to me like you are over qualified

Answer 13

you need to qualify in some sort of martial arts. you will need it to be a traffic warden!!!!!

Answer 14

you must have a cruel streak and no morals

Answer 15

If your knuckles drag along the ground when you walk, your qualified with distinction.

Answer 16

i usually have to quote sections of the highway code to traffic wardens

so probably none is you're answer

Answer 17

Sorry; the last available 'vacancy' in Central London has just been 'filled' by a certain Mr Mugabe. His qualifications were impeccable, his credentials unquestionable, and his manner and demeanour were considered to be, parallel to, and, commensurate with, the 'social message' City of Westminster wish to convey, and, to continue..... 'cultivating!' 'Joy' (within this household) is, now, 'unconfined' (to such levels of; an..... 'ecstatic euphoria') that we are about to purchase a second automobile!

Answer 18

Where you can find three individuals who can confirm that you are a totally useless wanker, not fit for any other post,  getting the job will be no problem.

As to finding three witnesses to attest to this, simply tell everyone what you are planning, and you should be overwhelmed with "he's a wanker" statements.

It's good, actually, that you will not mind so many people calling you a wanker, as your future life as a warden will involve people shouting this at you on a daily basis.

Answer 19

You need to be heartless, jobsworth with an inferiority complex.