What qualities would you look for in adoptive parents?

Question

My dad set up me up to meet a pair of potential adoptive parents for my unborn, what questions should I ask?

Answer 1

When we met our biological family, I don't recall many questions other than "tell us a bit about yourselves".  That opened up the door for a wonderful conversation between all of us, and it just went beautifully from there.  When they asked us to be the parents, we were ecstatic.  

I would think if I was making an adoption plan for a child, I would want to know the basics, like how long the couple has been together and what their ideas of parenting would entail.  

As for the race, we have many friends who have adopted internationally or children of a different race here in the states.  I believe that is one of the beautiful things about our society today - that mixed families are not frowned upon as they were in the past - and it's a beautiful way to introduce new customs and traditions into family life.

Good luck to you.  And "thank you" for creating an adoption plan for your child.  You are giving an amazing gift to someone.  Bless you.

Answer 2

The qualities in adoptive parents need be no different from those of biological parents but pls do ask if they would be open to ur having some connection/contact with ur baby later on in life.This is hugely important.The children ,often,show a strong desire later in life to know who their biological parents are.Many adoptive parents are open to this contact but some may not be comfortable with this idea.Best of luck and lots of love to u as u go thru the process of handing ur baby to the adoptive parents.

Answer 3

Those are the main questions I would ask down in the source box.  For me personally, I would really want to know about how the couple interact together, what their hobbies are, how much contact they wanted me to have and their religious beliefs.  Race wouldn't really matter to me at all, but I am not sure about the whole kids thing.  On one hand I would like to see how the couple treats the kids they already have... do they yell at them?  are the kids dressed worse then the parents or better?  Do the kids get along with each other basically?  I think I would be equally open to a couple who had children and one who didn't.

Answer 4

Stability - jobs, homes

Security - income, medical insurance

Lifestyle - family and friends, social activities, community involvement, church

Personalities - open, caring, humor, family oriented, stable emotionally

Background and references - no arrests, no addictions, great references from non relatives

This is just a beginning......

If you are adopting through an agency, they will give you a "Profile" which contains all this info and more.  It's non identified (no specific details such as last names, etc.) just as your info ("Profile") given to the adoptive parents is also de-identified.  This really is the only way to start off.  You can fully open it if you all agree after you really know each other over time (3 months or more).

Also, EVERY adopting couple must have an ADOPTION HOMESTUDY, which covers all of the above details plus many many more.  You have a right to ready that (de-identified) or hear the attorney or social worker read it leaving out specifics (last names, company names, etc.).

As far as experienced parents or new ones -- both have "advantages" so you can't go wrong!  Parents who already have a child are experienced -- and you can SEE for yourself how they are as parents by seeing them interact with and parent their first child.  Also, you can SEE what their first child is like -- spoiled, well behaved, snotty, kind??   But then --  first time parents discover all the wonders and newness of parenting with your little one as their first!  Neither child is loved or cherished or celebrated any less, I can assure you!!

In terms of race, I think more important than the couple's race is their attitude about races, ethnicites, cultures of ALL kinds.  You should be able to SEE this in their lives.  Diverse friends?  Diverse church?  Even art and ethnic foods!  Look carefully at the photos in the PHOTO BOOK they should have made for you -- photos of their home, family, neighborhood, friends, vacations, celebrations, hobbies.  What do you see?  All one race?  All one age group?  Look for diversity, and that is the environment your child will be raised in.  Be wary of monotone families with only one race reflected in their lives, photos.  You do not want your child to be racially isolated.

This is where an experienced couple who has already adopted may be a strength to you --if they have already adopted a child of another race (any, in my opinion) then it MAY say something about their openness in general and their diverse lifestyle (But not always. Again, look for ways demonstrated throughout their lives.)  Read about diversity and attitudes about people from different races and cultures in their homestudy -- this is a required part of the homestudy!  They also have to QUALIFY to adopt a child who is other than their specific race/ethnicity, so this will be contained in their homestudy approval -- at the end of the report.  

You have a right to ALL this information!  If you are working through a good agency or adoption attorney, they know this and will provide this very willingly.  If not --  ask for it!  If you are not going through an attorney or agency, make sure someone gets a copy of all their paperwork first -- APPROVED homestudy, background checks, references, etc.  And make sure you spell out on paper all the continuing contact you THINK you may EVER want, and that all of you sign this.  Visitation?  Photos, letters, gifts, etc.

Good luck, and what a great start you're making!!

Answer 5

Here are the questions I would ask:

Why do you want to adopt?

What do you do for a living?

What are your plans for work after the baby? Is one or the other going to stay home?  Nanny, daycare?

How many hours a week do you work? (you don't want parents who work 80 hour weeks and have no time for your baby)

Financial capable of supporting a baby?

If they have children, how many?  Have they talked to the children about adoptation?

Do they have family support?  Grandparents close by, family/friends?

Are they going to tell the baby about being adopted? (Im not sure if you want an open adoption or semi-open or closed )  Will they keep in contact, pics, etc?

Then if you like those, get to know them

Where did you meet?

How long have you been married?

What do you do for hobbies/activities?

What is a way you deal with stress? Alone? Together?

Where do you live?

Make sure that if they check out there, that you go to their house and see where your child will be living, try and meet any family and friends that will be around the baby.  This will give you a better idea on who they are.  Good Luck!

Answer 6

I would want to know if they plan to raise the baby in a certain religion.

Answer 7

The most important thing to look for is love among the family members. Visit their home and see how many pictures they have of family members. The more pictures, the better. Also ask them about what happens if you want to know about your child's progress or if the child asks about you. Ask them about their idea of raising kids (they should be strict enough to enforce structure in the child's life but not enough to physically abuse the child). Ask them for examples of their friends with kids they will imitate... and see if you can talk to some of them about their child-raising.

Also ask about their desire for education... a child needs to be given all the chances for good education, but not forced into a particular field.

I don't think race or previous children are a big issue, especially the latter. An older child who is happy and loved will in fact make a great older sibling for your child. And it's extra proof that the adoptive parents will love and nurture your child. It depends on the child and how the parents handle the new baby... remember, they could have a child after adopting your baby too. So don't go by that alone.

Good luck!!

Answer 8

Financial status of the adoptive parents, their education, ask if they're college grads so they're able to teach your child properly. Race is a big issue, I think.. you want your child to learn from the same culture you grew up it. I agree with you, first time parents will be a better choice for that child.

Answer 9

Every question that has been posed so far is answered in the couples home study.  I would ask to see their home study done by a licensed social worker. This is just the first meeting of many provided it goes well. Meet them and get your general feel. If you are like me you'll know after a short period of time whether you want to get to know them further.

Just remember no one is perfect and we all have our faults. You are looking for some one who would be a great parent.

As a side note I would say that I would ask what their intentions would be should the child be born with a deformity or mental deficiency. Are they looking for a perfect child? There is no such thing and at the same time they are all perfect.

Good luck.