What questions would you ask potential adoptive parents?

Question

What questions would you ask potential adoptive parents?

Answer 1

--Are you now or have you ever been addicted to drugs or alcohol?

--Is there any history of substance abuse in your family?

--Do you like to gamble?

--What are your religious beliefs?

--How much have you earned in each of the last 10 years?

--What is your level of education?

--Do you believe in corporal punishment?

--Is there any history of mental illness in your family?

--Do you have any criminal history, either misdemeanor or felony?

--Will the wife be a stay-at-home mother?

--If the child ever gets in trouble, gets arrested, etc., how will you respond?

--What is your credit score?

--Will you submit to drug screening?

--Will you submit to a formal mental health evaluation?

--How do you plan to pay for the child's education?

--Do you believe in "tough love?"

--Do you have any other children?

--Do you plan to have other children (either biological or by adoption)?

--How does you extended family view adoption?

--How do you resolve domestic arguments?

--Has anyone in you family ever been involved in domestic violence in any way (victim or other)?

--Do you have medical insurance?

...just to list few.

Answer 2

If you're considering relinquishing your child - make sure you read this brochure -

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

It's a must read - written by those that know and have walked in your shoes.

Answer 3

If you won the lottery tomorrow, would you keep your baby?

Answer 4

Will you take good care of this child?

Answer 5

What are your expectations of your child (and if they have any answer other than NOTHING, you can move on to the next couple).

What if I change my mind?  Will you fight me and try to keep my baby?

What do you know about adoption loss (i.e. the trauma the child experiences when separated from their mother)?

What will you do when the child asks about me?

What is your support system like?  

Have you spoken to any adoptees who have been hurt by adoption?  What was your reaction to them?  (I ask this because you can't possibly know how your child will react to adoption until later on.  If the PAP's aren't respectful and validating to adoptees who feel loss, then they won't be respectful and validating to your child if s/he feels loss.)

Have you spoken to first mothers?  What was your reaction to them?  (Again, if they're not respectful to first mothers, they won't be respectful to you.)

Under what circumstances do you believe adoption should occur?  (These answers should, of course, match with your beliefs...but I would be VERY leery if the responses had anything to do with them and their wants/desires.  Adoption is about what a child needs - and that child shouldn't be expected to fulfill strangers' desires for a child.  That's a tall order for any kid - but especially for a child who just lost his/her mother.)

What kind of contact will you have with me?  What will you do if you start feeling jealous in 5 years?  Will you cut me out of my child's life?  (Open adoptions are not enforceable, so if they decide to cut you off, there's nothing you can do.)

Do you believe you're better than me?  Why do you believe you deserve my child more than I do?  (If they get defensive, that's a good indicator of what kind of people they will be.  This is an honest question, and although it sounds harsh, it is a question worthy of an answer.)

I'd ask a TON more questions, but I'm really tired, so I'll stop there.

Answer 6

In what capacity?

As a birthmother I wouldn't ask any questions because it do not believe it is healthy or appropriate for birthmothers to choose adoptive parents for their children.

If I were screening parents I would ask them why they chose adoption. I would ask them about their values and parenting plan. I would ask what time and resources they had to devote to child rearing. I would ask them how they handled conflict within the family and with the world at large. I would ask how many books they read a year and how they spend holidays. I would ask how they met and about their spouse best and worst qualities.

Answer 7

I would discuss how much contact you want & what if you change your mind about contact later.

I would ask about anything important to you - religion, politics, guns in the home, smoking, education ... anything that you think would matter.

I would ask when/how they will tell the child about the adoption and about you (I think the child should know from day 1).

I would ask about other family members and if they support the adoption. (will your child have loving grandparents...).