What r some funny quotes or sayings?

Question

or just random stuff to say in a message!

=D

thnks.

Answer 1

A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be g*y.

-- Demetri Martin

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.

-- Demetri Martin

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.

-- Demetri Martin

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

-- Bill Cosby

If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.

-- Dave Allen

Answer 2

Some men smile in the evening, some men smile at dawn, but the man worthwhile is the man who can smile when his two front teeth are gone.

Be alert, the world loves lerts.

Answer 3

"Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society." - Mark Twain

"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it." - Mitch Hedberg

"It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future." - Yogi Berra

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much." - Oscar Wilde

Answer 4

"A sobering thought: What if at this very moment I am living up to my full potential." -Jane Austin.

Answer 5

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Crazy is a relative term in my family!

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to."

Ron Nesen

Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source.

Jack Handey

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Paul Ehrlich

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

Peter De Vries

My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.

Robert Bloch

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on.

Procrastinate now, don't put it off.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

http://quotations.about.com/od/funnyquot...

Answer 6

always make sure the juice is worth the squeeze

Answer 7

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!